i've been places, and i've done things. some i'm proud of, some i wish could be undone. but all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His will (Romans 8:28) and i know He's takin' me places.
so anyway, i know i'm under covenant and all, but i can't help but wonder if there's someone out there for me after all. i need a guy in our church who's a leader and a musician. that shrinks my circle real small. plus, he has to be able to love me enough to face up to my parents. and like. c'mon. who'd do that? GUYS. start bringing more guys to church please, so when 2009 runs along, i'd have higher chances of finding my future husband. haha.
i've been thinking about my life and reading ben's blog and then he said something about "once used, price greatly reduced." and that got me thinking so much more. is my price slashed alot then? to burst your bubble, no, being a pastor's kid doesn't mean that i'm ultra holy and sanctified. in fact, i think PK's are the most screwed up people of our generation. (at least all the PKs i know have had their rebellion period and have had pretty screwed up teenage-hoods but they ended up okay at the end)
i've had boyfriends and i've done stupid things and so many parts of my life i just regret. but regret ain't going to get me nowhere eh? this sucks. (i bet most of you are like, WHAT? grace has exes? yes. i do. which is NOT something i'm proud of, just something i want to come clean with so my cell girls can learn from my mistakes)
i know its kinda cliche and stuff to say that i wish i could turn back time, but i really wish i could. (1)i wish i could undo the hearts i've broken and undo the times where mine got broke. (2)i wish i could untell the lies i told my parents and the people i love, i wish i could undo the havoc and chaos i've caused. (3)i wish i could retract my part in church politics (4)and i just wish i could undo me breaking God's heart again and again and again and again. but i guess i can't. so. learn i guess. talking about learning, VANESS!DAWN! i have something to say to you. read this (below) it's a little long and overdosed with love and friendship but ya la. i'm in one of my I LOVE YOU! moods. :)
NESS: thanks for being there for me that friday when i found out the "good news" to share my joy and to give me much needed advice. turns out you were right and it was nothing more than a cruel joke, an evil game. but thank you also for not saying "i told you so" when the truth was revealed and instead you showered me with love galore, being there to support me i when i thought i wouldn't make it through the weekend. i love you so friggin' much and really, throughout the years with vicky, chellie, mish, nic.. you've been around for me and you've been this tiny but powerful source of love and support for me, you've been my bestest friend. you're amazing in your own ways, and somehow, i believe that Dreams can be fulfilled but even if they can't, it's part of you, part of your life. (all dreams, but that Dream in specific if you know what i'm talking about) i'm here for you to bitch to, to scream at, to let you walk out on me and come running back for a hug or two, to love you, to hug you, to make you feel big and tall, to let you know that small is beautiful, to let you know you're not fat, to be here when your heart breaks or when it's joined with someone else's, i'm here for you to cry with when it reaches three days before O levels, to laugh with when it's all over, to camwhore with, to go for camps with, to eat dinner and shop with, to fight with, to make up with. i'll be here for you. no matter what. (just so you know, wo ai ni!) DAWN: i'm sorry i was such a bitch towards you last year and all. i missed out on an awesome friendship. my bad! i thank God for the amazing bond we have between us right now, and i'm hoping it'll last and not just come and go like some other people's friendships. (heh) thank you also for your encouragement and "gracie, oh my gosh, are you ok?" on sunday. it really made me feel loved and wanted and it helped me know that even when other things let you down, your girlfriends will always be there for you! :) i love you alot alot and i'm looking forward to many more years of friendship with you. i never noticed it but you were always there for me when i was crying cos of lousy piano-playing, and you were there for me to talk to on so many occassions when no one else was around. thank you sweetheart! the toilet session we had last week was so much fun! although that day left us both in tears but you were there for me and i for you, so that rocked! :) haha.. you stay strong love, and i'm here to back you up! love you!!
TO MY CELL KIDS:we'll cry some more together ok? we'll sweat and bleed to get this cell growing and healthy and loving the Lord ok? i love you girls so so much, there's so much potential in all of you, and i don't ever want to see any of you fall away from God, or take the path i took in my secondary school life. take my word for it, it's more worth it sticking to God. give Him the best years of your life and He'll bless you back so much more in ways that even i can't imagine. trust me on this. boyfriends? i've been there and i've done that. i'll tell you that its fun, it's nice to have a hand to hold, arms to go around your waist, lips to kiss, shoulders to lean on, someone to talk to in the middle of the night. BUT there's a great spritual price to pay for it all. fun and games don't come for free. the heart break which comes along can tear you away from our Lord. i do NOT want to see anymore of us leaving church. i'm here for all seven of you, and no matter what, just come to me and talk to me ok? i'll fail my Os if it means that your heart doesn't get broken. my time is yours, as long as it makes you a better Christian. i'm serious. stay strong and keep praying for the people on our hitlist, and keep working on those fruits. we've come this far, but there's more to this race we have to run. might as well run it well right? i love you all alot (as i've said three hundred gabilliontrillionzillion times) and you all mean to much to me for me to let you run wild and do stupid things. I'M HERE FOR YOU. so don't get bad advice, come to Grace who is waiting by the phone for you. we're a cell. a unit. equates to we-should-be-united-and-here-for-one-another. :) adeline, debbie, jenny, graceY, joanna, germaine, angel. all my babies in the growing, God's warriors in the making. jia you!!
oh, about today, we had road run, and i clinched 9th position, which is super surprising cos the last time i ran was napfa.. haha.. then i had prata and desserts with zaza, and home i am, to get ready for tution. :) abit of reality in my love letter to my preciouses.. :)choodles! tuition in awhile!