today was a day of heart-to-hearts :)

had redbulls and APEL and journalism shizz. then josh sam eugene michelle jacky kim erny and i headed to mac's for lunch, which dragged on from 12-3 cos josh sam eugene michelle and i had a good heart-to-heart(s) about boys, girls, relationships, religions, etc.

sam and i are going gaga. HAHAHA first scarf man, and now, this seemingly unsuspecting person. OMG WE ACTUALLY GIGGLED AND BLUSHED LIKE FRIGGIN' TEENYBOPPERS!! not cool at all! haha but it was fun :) i love you sam(antha)!

then i had a heart-to-heart with josh :) i loved it, and i love YOU joshykins :D you're awesome like that, and i thank God that i've got you..

piano was shizz so yeah whatever.

music meeting was amazing, albeit a little technical and intellectual, but it was all cool :)

i was on the way to piano and i was holding my phone, and i felt this vibration in my bag. at first i thought it was just my mind imagining things since i was so tired and slightly delusional, so i shifted and sat back down and the vibration wasn't there anymore. then my bag vibrated again, and my phone was clutched in my hands. so i started freaking out, only to find that aikey dumped his phone into my bag. hahaha dumbo! :D i missed you so much Aiken Matthew Charming.


Char: hey grace. i miss you :)
me: aww thanks hunnie :) my phone got wiped out awhile back so i lost all my numbers so i'm so sorry i'm not entirely sure who you are.. but you made my day :)
Char: haha, char here
me: :) :) :) then that made my day a million times better! i miss you too sweetie!
char: haha will you be at music later?
me: yes i will! haha i will give you a big fat hug!
char: haha. ok i'll tau pok you. haha. see you later

HAHAHAHAHA CHAR YOU ARE PRICELESS!!! :D
end up, I TAU POK YOU! cos i'm rockin' like that!

my mum's really tensed today.. ruined the time coming home. i pray, i pray, i pray that i do NOT have a temper like that... i really pray. she's an awesome mum at times, but when her temper starts... :(

in our family portrait
we looked pretty happy
we looked pretty normal
so let's go back to that

Dear Lord,
please make camp worth it..
i don't know why You did what You did
maybe it's to teach me to depend on You and not on people
but whatever it is, i leave it in Your hands, and i pray
i pray like crazy
that You work through the camp, and make it worth the while.
i love You insanely much, Daddy God.. You rock!!!!
in Jesus' name i pray, amen!
P.S. if You could, please make me slimmer. HAHAHAHAHAHAH



happy happy phone call which lasted all of twenty six seconds
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

eh! i am so undecided!! crystal's party or YA?!
oo-er, i'm horrible at deciding.

last week of work next week :(
i wanna bawl like a baby


okay okay goodnight! tired liao!!
sorry i talk so much nonsense in such horrid english!

Grace ♥ 12:17 p.d.

[edit]
i had a bunch of stuff typed here
but Josh, you sweetie, made me feel like i fool
like a selfish lil whining brat
i love you Josh


Squirrel, i need you.
[edit/]


i am nostalgic.

Grace ♥ 9:44 m.d.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FARHANIS AHMAD YOU ARE 17 AND I MISS YOU AND I LOVE THE TIMES WE'VE HAD! WE ARE MEETING UP NEXT WEEK, EVEN IF IT KILLS ME. OR YOU. OR MAS SELAMAT. I LOVE YOU!

oh yes,
talked to the BFF today :D miss you shizzloads!
Prince Caspian with Z and Sam :D
GDF with Z and Sam and Crystal :D
dilemma: YA or Crystal's birthday BBQ?

Grace ♥ 9:23 m.d.

in the latest phase of life, i find myself lost in this Bermuda Triangle.
work, school, church... and suddenly, i disappear.
i need to find the reason i'm alive, the reason i do what i do.

before the Os, i had plans, i knew what i wanted, where i was headed. CMM, CMM, CMM. now, now that i've got it, then what?

it's 2.35AM

i've got a test in 7 hours and 25 minutes.

i am painting my nails and then removing the polish.
as if taking of coats of paint can shed light on who i am.
each layer exposing nothing but what has been before.
so then i paint another coat, and then take it off.
now my hands are stained red, i ran out off cotton.
but You said, You said, You'd wash me white as snow.
so here i am, in the shower, wash me already, wash me.
i want to love You like never before
i want to be crazy hot for You
i want to mother Your children
i want to be the one who makes the difference for You
You, Lord. You and You alone.
who needs nail polish when You gave me my nails?

my nails are still stained red.
but inside, i am okay.
guess what? i'm still going for my manicure.

i'm gonna:
-do my brows
-lose weight
-get a french manicure
-shop??
-TAN
-fall in love with God again
-eat cookies and be happy
-love you cos i do.




am i insecure?
well, no.
i am, of course, worried, jealous, bitchy, whatever.
but i do what i do, just because.
:)

Grace ♥ 1:35 p.d.

my conversations are so bloody superficial.


i miss you all so much. SO much.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
i want back the O level days. at least then i had friends.

shenna-"sleep"overs
BFF-loyang point
aiks-sentosa
benji-my mut
gaius-everywhere
chuan-silences
char-all over
maddy-old youth room
lampy-from years back
isaac...-aston's, your car, my house, since dunno when
alena-sentosa, F21, warehouse, SHOPPING
sean-bleach, my place, bedok
shaun-starbucks :)
peachy-sentosa, youth room
shadow-music moments, ignite

when it all boils down to it, i don't have that many friends after all.
but i do hope i'm not too late to make amends.
i miss you all so damned much.


somehow, i revel in the silence.
it seems that when i speak.
i get in trouble.
okay.
moot point.

bottom line
i miss you guys.
ALOT.
my heart wants to fall out.
and go to tampines where all of you are.
i wish i had more freedom.
so i could hang out when you guys do.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
pffft.
bloody life.
shit happens. haha
it really does.
ALOT.
do you all miss me like i do you?
:(
I NEED A SOCIAL LIFE PLEASE
but more than that,
i need my friends :((((((((

i'm whining like a dipshit here
but its okay
i just need you guys to know....
I MISS YOU ALL
REUNION PLEASE
MEET ME MEET ME.
yes, i am seeking, no DEMANDING your attention.

Grace ♥ 10:48 m.d.

Grace ♥ 12:59 p.d.

:) tee hee.


life is a flurry of assignments.
tutor today was a bitch.
sat with jasmine in the morning :)
school, mensa, starbucks JJ, church, home.
met aikey :) alena :) lovely chums


i'm really worried..
please be okay.
please.


back to the assignments.
hellish assignments.
bloody assignments.
important assignments.
die-die-also-must-do assignments.

ta!

Grace ♥ 8:55 m.d.

darkness envelopes me. it reaches out its tawny fingers and grabs at my throat, its phalanges strangling me, robbing me of air. i open my mouth and gasp for air, finding naught but fumes. dark fumes which engulf me.

darkness envelopes me.

i open my eyes.

it leaves, and i find myself where i first began.
step one, all over again.

Grace ♥ 11:17 m.d.

i friggin' love You.


service (and everything) was awesome, an eye opener.
i'm glad God could use me that way :D
my cell kids, i weep for you girls. i do. i love you all much!


i'm gonna quit starbucks, as much as it hurts.


I had a heart to heart with daddy today :)
"just don't fall for the wrong guy, xiao'en"

sometimes i hate him, and most times, i love my fat man.

Grace ♥ 9:45 m.d.

thank you, so very much. i needed someone there, someone like you, to just listen to me cry and tell me everything will be okay. i just needed someone who didn't ask from me anything, someone who didn't tell me what to do, someone who was just.......there. you're everything to me. everything.

love, grace.

Grace ♥ 12:20 p.d.

her heels pounded on the cobbled floor as she stumbled over sand and stone. she reached out her hands toward the skies, her fingers fanned out, reaching reaching, and the red balloon floated out of reach, just out of reach.

she shook her head in disbelief and stretched even further, intent on grabbing the bastard balloon. the balloon that was released, neglected, in need of care. oh little harami. balloon balloon, you harami. bastard balloon. harami.

she jumped and reached out her hand and her fingers caught the end of the harami balloon, the shade of crimson red, red like a rose, red like darah, red like blood. and as she held it in her arms, it burst with a loud sound and she was startled. she looked at her hands in disbelief at the infant bleeding in her hands.

she cradled it and brought the infant to the stream.
she sang a lullaby as she cleaned up the infant.
the infant opened his eyes and looked up at her.
she fell in love.
the infant waved a little fist at her, his fingers curled up in a tight ball.
she teased open the fist with her index finger and the infant gurgled.
the infant smiled, its toothless gum wet with glee.

she held it, held it. no longer reaching, suddenly found.
she held the infant in her arms and she sang it a song.
she sang it a love song.

the blood of the red balloon no longer seen.
the blood of the infant, she has soon cleaned.

Grace ♥ 11:14 m.d.

Grace ♥ 12:23 m.d.

hello!!

ishak: eh babe, why is your name ke and your father's name kuah?
me: cos, sayang, kuah is the hokkien version. i'm cooler a bit so mine's chinese
ishak: wahlau. best ah, your family got no sons
me: huh! why?!
ishak: can you imagine if you had a brother, then Jo married him? then she would become Jo Ke (joker)
me: OMG ISHAK!! SO MEAN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
ishak: eh best! if there's someone named Fu, then marry your brother, then she would be Fu Ke! (no explanation necessary)
me: wahlau ishak! last warning ah!
ishak: HAHAHAH THEN FU'S MOTHER WILL BE MOTHER FU KE!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
tuty: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA OMG ISHAK!!

like, seriously. my partners are nuts!

:) i freaking love you ishak! i am SO glad you're back.

today Latif was the opening M.O.D. and..... he's 18. O.o he's a shift manager at the tender age of eighteen, i take my hat, hair, scalp, hair follicles off to him. HAHA amazing! and he's hilarious and super good to work with

latif: mumbles
me: huh?
latif: huh bagus!
me: what?
latif: no la, people say huh, i say bagus
me: uh. oh. okay. EH LATIF WHERE'S MY LATTE!?!?

he's at our store again next sunday, so, yayness! i get to work with him!

i need to start studying.
med soc journalism marketing gdf ess gra
o.O
faster grace faster!!

i'm doing opening tomorrow, which means i wake up at 5/5.30am and then i work from 7 to 3

after that i am shopping with mummy for a new wallet and a black backpack. and i need to start getting make up to cover up my ugly eye circle things.

and i bought another dress today :D awesome feeling

happy mothers' day (when will it be my turn?!)

okay i'm off.

BFF BREAKFAST ON TUESDAY!!! :DDDDDDDDDDD
i love you Queksie! i can't wait!

Grace ♥ 11:08 m.d.

you know how it is like, when you're rushing for time and you refuse to take a cab, and you're at the bus interchange, waiting for your bus to come and take you away.. at that point of time, every man (or woman) dressed in their green uniform is like an angel, a carrier of hope.

we watch intently as they loiter around, and the moment one of them walks in the direction of your bus, your heart swells with hope and then you think they've finally come to rescue you from your pit of damnation for being late. every step they take causes your heart to beat faster, and your pulse beats harder, and you hold your breath with anticipation, thinking, "finally, finally, oh. my. god. finally!!"

and then this person clad in a green long sleeve shirt and black pants walks past you, past your bus terminal, pass the long, snaking queue of anticipation and he steps into another bus and signals for the people to board it. your heart crashes and you are devastated, you think, "damn it. i'm gonna be even later." and then you tell yourself to hold fast to your faith and hope that the next captain that comes along will save you. and the viscious cycle of hoping continues. you spot, you hope, you anticipate, dangled on a string, only to find that the string is cut and reattached a hundred times over before your saviour finally arrives and you reach your destination an hour late for a meeting with $200 000.

sometimes, you're that bus captain. causing others to watch you, your every move, and you cause them to hope, to anticipate, to wish.. and a million times over their hope is dashed to the ground, the very thing they feared. their only saving grace is that they're not the only one. they look around and they see, before them, after them, beside them... there are hundreds of other people who do the same foolish thing as they. fools. where we refuse to take a cab because we keep thinking that the next bus will be ours.

and sometimes, i am that bus captain, refusing to rescue myself, unwilling to signal to the others and drive my bus away. i don't know why i do that, but truth is, i do.

foolish damnation we cast ourselves into, but we find that we do not have the willpower to snap out of it. we see others fall and we shake our heads and wonder why they do what they do. we mock their clothes and ask ourselves why they wear what they wear. only, we do it ourselves too.

we look back at old photographs, memories of our tragic fashion sense. we think back on old thoughts, and are marvelled at our pathetic stupidity. we look in the mirror and wonder how we became what we were. and we ask ourselves, if we had a second chance, would we do it the same way? but we realize that a majority of us wouldn't trade our past for anything, and we also realize, that it doesn't matter what we think--there is no second chance.

i wish i could blot out my past, yes, even the recent past, but sadly, that isn't exactly possible, is it?

aye, indeed, time is a cruel thing. it makes you think that you're okay, when in actual fact your just numb to it all. it makes you forget precious memories, feelings, smells, sights, sounds. time eats up everything not protected by mothballs.

time slips by you without your noticing. time allows you to be comfortable in a certain position, and then it pulls the rug out from under you. time robs you of details, time mocks you, time steals your delight.

but no one can catch it. time, it is sneaky. it makes you run after it, only to find that you've lost even more of it, that even as you are running after time, time is slipping from your fingers.

time makes you believe you can count it using grains of sand in a shapely glass, it makes you imagine you can calculate it by two ticking hands, digital or otherwise. but you see, no one knows the true value of time.

time is a mystery, never to be found again, never to be unearthed. as archeologists spend so much of their lives searching for the stories hidden by time, they themselves are losing their stories to time, they too are losing it, losing time.

Grace ♥ 5:11 m.d.

horrible day, today. heavy bag, felt fat as hell, tired as hell, hot hellish weather, dressed like crap, felt like crap.... i mean, SERIOUSLY! and i couldn't even start on a coherent sentence for my essay on Josh.

looking on the bright side of life, i got to know Eugene better today :) we managed to catch a half an hour conversation where we talk about loads of stuff



Sam's bimboticsm

josh: gracie i will write my story about you in ten minutes!
sam: grace is spelt g-r-a-c-e. done!
me: haha yeah easy
sam: G for her gorgeous eyes, A for awesome...
me: eh Sam you spelt it wrong
sam: huh? A is for awesome what.....

(for those of you who don't get it, the R comes before the A)

so anyway, i have work to do but i'm going to sleep cos i'm damn shagged.
my phone is back! come to momma lil baby!! hahah but i'm too lazy to bother fixing it right now, so i'm practically phoneless despite having two phones.

the rest of my day was interesting but i'm too lazy to blog, so ya okay goodbye friends.


i miss you

Grace ♥ 9:40 m.d.

i just have to say, that i love my life, every step of it :) be it shit holes, or serpentine paths mapped out by the blooming buttercups, i love it. and i thank You Lord for everything.

my cell girls, who love me although i fail them as a leader so many times.
my family, who fight with me, scream at me, cry with me, but still hold my hand.
my best friend, who never fails to make my day, who loves me unconditionally, who always has the right words, the right hugs, the cutest smile, the stupidest answers.
my job, which gives immense satisfaction, and i actually LOVE working, which is a first.
my partners, who never fail to make my day by being just who they are--retards.
my church, which has seen me grow up.
my pastor and leaders, who have never given up on me
my friends, who have grown up with me.
my friends, who waltzed in half way through my life
my fellow classmates/friends, who have made poly life a million times more bearable
my special friend, who... ... ... has been so much a part of me.
my life, as an entity.

everything, good and bad.. when i've sinned against You, when i've been so tight with You. i can only pray and pray and pray that from here on it's all uphill. i can't walk away from You, Lord. i don't want to. i apologize for the million times i've sinned and i thank you for Your love. i love You too. and i don't wanna lose You. and i'm serious about You. dead serious.

things in life have caused me to cherish things, to see things that have eternal value.

maybe, life ain't all shit after all.

school tomorrow.. then after that, i'll either head somewhere to study or i'll go out to do the GWA1 shit for journalism. sounds cool? yeah, it does.

working on thursday and sunday, church on saturday and sunday, store meeting on wednesday, music meeting on friday, QUEKSIE, YOU ME ON TUESDAY?! :) yay my week is shiokdom. my nights will be filled with studying. finally, i feel alive.

Grace ♥ 11:17 m.d.

Grace ♥ 1:38 p.d.

Dear Yuan Xiang,

you're in a happy place now dear, which is exactly where a person of your character belongs.. your eulogies, they were beautiful, and i know you heard them, from way up high. i hope that when i pass on, people will say good things about me too. they raved about you, you know? yeah, sure you do :) i hope people will rave about me too.

you've left a legacy, the girl who always smiled, never bitched, silly laughter, passionate Christian, loving daughter and friend. you stood for your faith, although you suffered persecution. you don't know it, but i spurs me on to stand even stronger.

people now walk safe, thinking twice before jay walking. drivers now have a burden in their hearts, to drive safely, cos lives are in their hands. you inspired that. you. the beautiful girl, at the right hand of God.

i'll see you whenever :) there'll come a time. then i can say hi again, and we can pick up where we left off, and we can sing "beautiful Saviour" together. i'll always remember the way you smile, the way your eyes would become mere slits as your cheeks overwhelmed your face. the way your lips formed a thin line, yet it managed to look happy. the way you had this tilt in your head whenever you smiled a hello.

goodbye, Yuan.. you're remembered. forever.

love, Grace.






i should be doing work.
i need to study.
i need to sleep.
i need to clean up.
i need to sleep. sleep. sleep.

they're coming back tomorrow :) and weirdly, i do miss them. although this solitude, is highly welcomed. dependent independence, or independent dependence? aiya. same difference.

alright, i'm off to do work, then i'm going to sleep.


eugene: --points middle finger
me: ok, set, you, me, outside, NOW.
eugene: later la, lecture ah
me: ok can, where?
eugene: YOU COME TO YISHUN I AM NOT GOING TO KATONG
me: i am NOT going to yishun, omg. you can come to katong.
---------------later---------------------------
eugene: --points middle finger again
me: OI! after lecture right? wahlau, point point point.
eugene: i can't help it, impatient la!

as Erny would say, ZOMG! Eugene, you FREAK. cheena beng who is too vulgar and so bored you have nothing better to do than to flip me off and annoy Altethea. BOY!!! you need brain cells. don't like you. pfffffft.



HELLO EYE CANDY!!

zam i hate you.
ok. so i don't.
I LOVE YOU! :DD
even if you've caused me my humiliating-est day in poly today with shah. HAHAHA

hello Shah, if you're reading this (which would prove you're egoistic enough to google your own name), i wanna bring your eyes home and paste them in a prominent place and stare into them all day! :) and yeah, just your eyes.

okay, bye.

Grace ♥ 12:36 p.d.