oh, pardon me love, it's jet lag
i cannot connect my intellect
the air is choking, ego filled
life lived on edge, rules in peril
can't think, can't breathe, can't comprehend
the ruthless jags of words demand
all pride and scorn to put beneath
the swords of chivalry been sheathed
no, nothing now is making sense
all virtue slain by ignorance
by value, all things said and done
have once again been overrun
oh me, oh my, i've jumped the page
these obstacles, obese, opaque
forgive these thoughts, run wild, wild child
but the words you speak are infantile
i bid thee, sir, farewell, shoo fly
snap! these feelings flutter-by.












the rest of the pictures from nov-dec 8 refuse to be loaded. will try again when i'm more in the, uh, zone? hahah okay bye.

Grace ♥ 1:36 p.d.

2008. the year has been nuts.
today. today has been nuts.
in the short span of 24 hours my life has been ripped apart and seamlessly sewn back together with the bad stuff taken out and new good stuff put inside.
in the short span of 24 hours i have moved from one level to the next, being given the rare invitation to step into the life of "high society".
in the short span of 24 hours, many relationships have been strengthened and made bigger.
24 hours. 52 weeks. 365 days. 1 year.
tis' fast.


light up, light up, as if you had a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear


i am still considering my position in V2. maybe i should just quit, again, so they wouldnt have to deal with a perpetual "absentee". i have diverted so far from their culture, don't know who they are anymore, and no, they don't know me. i have different dreams, different desires, different stature. who they see and who i am do not match up because the picture or me they have is like, from february. and things have changed significantly since last february.

or maybe, i dont even have to quit. they might just fire me. haha. i'm losing my friends there ): let them down again and again, missed store meeting after store meeting after store outing after store outing. how do i even begin to explain my absence? urgh... almost one year of bonds and relations and passion and tears. this, is what it results in.

or maybe, i should just hang on till my holidays begin in february. then i have like, 2/3 months to work and spend time with them.. go out, hang out... rebuild broken bridges. dunno la. must pray and ask God what to do.


anyhoos... photog tmr, sch tmr ):
BUT sushi and lingerie shopping with mummy
hur hur (:


i am off to busy with my photographic life which is falling to shambles i am so worried about my GPA and if i dont do well i dont know what i'll do so i had better seriously work harder zomg year one is ending this is creepy smanatha ong xin hui i miss you and you also zameerella and mimi and jackster and jazzy my morning friend. ugh. t.p.


disgustingly puritanical, you know that?

Grace ♥ 12:10 p.d.

i don't get it, i don't get it!! why is everything seemingly slowing down? i mean, life is in full bloom! 2009 is coming! doesn't that excite anybody? doesn't that cause your heart to beat faster, your mind to race with the fullness of possibilities, you eyes to shine with "maybe, maybe"? the opportunities that stand beckoning has my head spinning! the newness of the year, the changes, the upgrades, the downsizing, the plans, the future, the God of all! He IS the God of all things new!

days like this, i feel like taking a 3 day retreat, just me and God in some beautiful mountainside lodge and just enjoy His company. me and Him, me and Him. no one else in between, no other distraction, no other program or duties or chores. no one to take care of, no one to breathe down my neck, no one to say yes, no one to say no. just the peaceful serenity of sitting on a porch swing with God by my side, overlooking the vast majesty of His creation. perhaps a guitar or a piano to serenade Him, or maybe even pure silence might do the trick. 3 days on a God-treat. no cynicisms, no critical people, no one to tear me down, no one to build me up. only Him. that would be bliss, if you ask me.

maybe there have been too many things going on, maybe i need to put on some blinders and look at the all important One. Aunty AL said this, and it struck home "God's amazing, isn't He? Grace, stay plugged into Him." i think i really need a genuine plug into God. not out of SMART plans or leadership pressure. not out of my position or people's expectations.

i need a space suit.

well, like it or not, 2009 is coming. already there are dates marked out for this one thing or another. already there are plans and goals to meet. meetings and what nots. the year looks to be exciting and breath taking. i'll take 2009 head on, as long as He is with me.

Grace ♥ 6:12 m.d.

so the day's been a riot, or part thereof. its been.... like any other Christmas, yet unlike any other Christmas. you know? let me try to explain. so it started off with an early morning sleepy greeting from my daddy, and it launches into a un-Christmassy feel. this year, i was in church by 9.30am and i was so early i cleaned up the youthroom and played DJ Max.

service was absolutely spectacular. i loved how it was so different and how there was an atmosphere of chaotic joy. though i half-wanted to poke the woman beside me in the ribs. i don't think she knows who my daddy is cos after my dad got up on stage, she turned to me and said, "oh my, that's a big shepherd! -laughs" i wanted to tell her, hello aunty that shepherd is my dad. but i decided not to, cos it's Christmas and we're nice, and yeah, he IS kinda big. BUT he's my dad.

after service was the usual hustle and bustle of hugs/present/candy/card giving, then the delayed exit, and then FINALLY everyone leaves the hall and eventually leaves church. then it was fish and co, like last year, then i headed home to rip stuff for ah yee.

family dinner was a blast! i love my aunts and uncklys.. they are merry merry company. t'was much chitter chatter, then dinner, then mama's cake cutting ceremony, then wine, the coffee, then for the first time we sang carols and praises (: all around, then more wine, then present opening, then random chitter chatter then we head home to let the kiddos and uncle J sleep. haha it was a fresh experience. talked to ah yee abt Christianly stuff cos she's very onz now that she's in CHC.. started talking about Asia Con, and the dream for a women's ministry, abt how our family needs to speak life, how we need to rise above our defeats and live the rightful Christian's life. it was so good to see her so excited abt the things of God (: now we're praying that uncle D gets saved too.. then our whole family can go to church together (:

okay i've got to go plan my day for tmr. ack! photog!!!!!
i can't wait for school to get done and over with.
need. a. proper. holiday. now.

Grace ♥ 11:39 m.d.

the past week has been full of meet ups and happy activities (:

to all V2ers, I AM SO SORRY I WASN'T THERE ON THE 22ND!!! i had something else on that was super super important (like meeting up with my long long never see BFF) merry christmas, by the way.. (:

so monday was sentosa and blk 85, then tuesday was gym and lunch and twilight, and wednesday was making christmas cards and watching nonsense and family dinner x2, and today, today, TODAY IS CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!

so anyway, long post cut short:

Grace ♥ 9:04 p.d.

let's get honest, this is getting a little tired. i half wish i was a hermit on some random mountain. it hurts you know.. it does. i can only hold so many forts, i can only fight so many battles. i am just going to ignore all of this and look at the Main Thing. everything else can just go and fade into oblivion cos i am tired of this.

so anyway, i managed to do a lot today.. must have been with starting the day early. so i managed to gym (cardio and weights), tan a little, hang out with a few of my girls and random GoP people, find a new rift, spend time with the family and grandparents, get my mum to help me paint my gross toenails (since i am aching like a muscle ache and can't contort my body enough to reach my toes comfortably), get annoyed, start on my leadership assignment which is due tomorrow, and send in my cell attendance for the past two weeks.

hmm, not bad if i may say so myself. but then again, that's just me saying so myself.

it's been a long long day thus far. productive, i had fun in the morning, i had fun when it was me and Mr. Piano... everything else just kinda flopped. what a sad way to end a good day. but technically, my day's not over. so i'm gonna faster faster finish this leadership bull while i'm in the momentum and then go spend time with my Lover before i head to bed to rest.

something tells me that when i wake up tomorrow my muscles are going to scream bloody murder. YAY!! :) i have not felt this athletic in a long long while. haha

i'm praying for the genuine joy of the Lord that will keep me consistent in my emotions. this means i will always be joyful, and even if the circumstance sucks, i will turn it around and make it a joyful matter. i will be the same all the time, my response will be predictable because i will always smile and be positive about it. i will not nag, not whine, not feel down, not feel lonely, not feel a negative anger, not feel jealousy or exasperation. see, when there is the joy of the Lord, there is stability.. i need that stability. i need to be able to know i'll more than survive life, i will thrive in it. i need to be that support to my man, my kids, my ministry, my family. dear Lord, please give me Your joy that will be my strength. i really need to learn this from You. You're mega cool. You're insane.

okay bye.
i'm going to be best friends with Herb Brooks.
ugh.
then i'm going to spend BFF time with God!!
:)

think-tank-tomorrow
think-tan-tomorrow (!!)

Grace ♥ 11:11 m.d.

it's the 17th of December already, and Christmas is just next Thursday. the whirlwind of activities in the past 2 months have finally began to calm down, but i sense a different storm coming, and i'm praying so hard that i'll be able to sail through it with a smile.

people are funny creatures.
when you think you know them, you don't.
when you think you don't know them, you do.
hmm

so anyway, December's been Infused, late nights, home alone days, L.O.U.D and now Christmas is here!! many Christmas functions to attend though i am afraid i might end up looking a bit like Santa :( which is not cool. cos in the first place he's not even real.

L.O.U.D was fantastic! honestly! kudos to the various committees! *standing ovation* and more than that, God was absolutely mind-blowing. service after service, revelation after revelation, word after word, and i am so so charged up to face 2009 and to deal with certain areas in my life. it feels a little bit scary, i am a little apprehensive, a little paranoid. but then again, we all know that when we put our trust in the Right Person, it will all turn out okay :) at least, i'm praying that it will.

i won't go into a whole essay on how i think camp has impacted me, because 1) it would be too long 2) it is too personal 3) hmm, now's time to break away from camp-mosphere and settle into the current reality of life. time to move into the second space, time to hang out with my cell kids and re-GoPerfy myself.. YA has been fantastic, and its a growing place but i need to rub some shoulders with my own babies eh? ;)

the next few days look relatively busy i think. alot of planning and meeting and running to do. oh hey have i mentioned that my physical goal for 2009 is to go back down to 46kg and along the way run (minimum) a half-marathon? haha well yeah i want to. prayerfully la.. i keep making empty resolutions.

anyway, gots tos gos sleeps... leadership project is due by friday, meeting my girls in the morning and others along the way... long day tmr darling, long day tmr.. and it ain't gonna be easy without this.



2009 2009, i can't wait till you're here
you seem to promise so much, 2009
and i demand to see things come to pass
2009 2009, i WILL wait till you're here.

Grace ♥ 11:05 m.d.

"you're making a huge mistake"
"no, i'm making a tough decision"

hello
goodbye
can't wait for the weekends :D

morningfriend morningfriend!!! open classes ok? :)

Grace ♥ 10:46 m.d.

had a blast at the O School dance recital 08 :)
i am completely inspired and every dancer-cell in me is revived and i am all out and ready to prance in the streets doing completely incoherent choreo for random strangers.
no la.
i miss dance.
STANDING OVATION TO MELISSA AND KOR KOR!! :)
superb, i say! i'm proud to say i know you guys. hee hee

anyway, the weekends were killer. had fun la, yes, but killer manz.
will NEVER do something like that again. even my sleeplessness has limits. hur hur

22 days left of 2008. fooyo! talk about flying time.

as the days and months go past, everything in life changes.
i've lost contact with many people, i've changed alot myself.
and more than ever i am reminded, harshly reminded, of the loved ones who are no longer near me, of the friends who are now just acquaintances, of the laughter which no longer sounds, of the lifestyle which no longer exists.

hello people, i miss you:
shenna
vaness
livia
joshua pauletta
samyeo
zaza
hanies
hadi
a an
ilyaas
SBV2 kids
haffiz :(
ishak
ping
lex
BVSS freaks
alice
maddy
aiken
peachy
crystal
juzan
kaiwen
syaqy
mal
hin
fad
jarrold


anyway
sorry to the numerous links that i have yet to link
i promise, i will do it soon!
now, to bed.
lest i wake up late again.
SORRY SHAUNIE!!! (for being 6 hours late)



(AM ADVERTISING FOR MY CLIENTS.)
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH clients.

anyway, here!
flirtynights.blogspot.com (Dian)
theglamourgirls-shop.blogspot.com (Sharifah)
k. bye.








25 - 17 = 8 :)

Grace ♥ 1:06 p.d.

"dear God, i thank You for giving us the time to say grace."--Shannon

HAHAHAHAHAHAH super cute!! :)

i thank God for:
-an amazing camp
-getting me through the past months
-the breakthroughs in my life
-the breakthroughs in my cell
-the lives in camp that were changed
-the relationship that was salvaged
-the relationship that was strengthened
-the new level that i'm going to :)

the past weeks have been phenomenal, and bust like bee.. was Ascension, then Asia Conference, then Infused, add in a million assignments and alot of travelling due to the different locations. but all in all, it turned out pretty awesome indeed :) way way better than expected, and as for my studies, i thank God that at least i'm not lagging behind.

life has been pretty awesome, had many serious talks with people in higher places, and now things are more secured, more final. i have to be honest with you, 2009 is looking to be a fantastically exciting year :) i can't wait for it!

i'm jumping in my pants just thinking about how awesome everything is going to be, and i'm just waiting to see how everything falls into place.

had a meeting with my 5 today :) minus gracie, but it was good! managed to cast vision, set CGs, set DNA, set vision and mission and we ate KFC and cookies and rolled around and coloured snowmen. we continue this way and we'll have to split by february. hahahah

i love them :)

okay i'm off to bed etc.. long weekend ahead.
ooh my parents are going out of town a couple of times this month






cos i breathe you

Grace ♥ 12:24 p.d.