i've been places, and i've done things. some i'm proud of, some i wish could be undone. but all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His will (Romans 8:28) and i know He's takin' me places.
e martë, 27 nëntor 2007
first up, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN SKINNY CHOO!! :D 16 years i've known your skinny ass and i've seen you evolve from weirdo to b-boy to the cool kid you are now. and goodness, time does fly. 17 already and i'm the third to wish you ;) i'm psychic. LOVE YOU! you've been such a funny bean and your mac does wonders. every time i see our pictures under "retards" i laugh my knees off. and and, you're such an inspiration really. when i watch you slog through 2 practices and 2 services almost every saturday with minimal food and/or rest with your guitar(s) and its/their killer strings, i just stand amazed at this insanely passionate long thing that God has created and i'm like, thank God i know this freak. continue to communicate to the masses and you shall take me under your wings next year :) have a happy six days of house domination, my love.
P.S. do your homework.
anyway, i'm leaving for taiwan in about, 10 hours. and my luggage is ineffably empty. HAHAHAHA. i'm usually quite kiasu for overseas experiences as such and will pack like three days before or something, but for some reason, this time is so different. i'm not exactly the most excited person about it and yeah, words just fail me. everyone (including myself) keeps telling me "wah, grace, taiwan leh!" and i'm like,"so?" and then i feel like such a loser cos i can't even get excited about this. weird ah? i want to be excited. but i'm just not. but i'll have fun anyways.
today was spent with Samson, H2H with the cell, dinner with a motley crew, slacking in the youth room, then drama practice.
it was all good :)
this season of my life has been alot about trusting God with my everything. and i used to tell my cell kids that all the time. you know, the whole "trust God and let Him handle it" bit. but now that i really have to put it into practice, it is SO painful. and i think crying will make me feel better but for once, i can't even cry. and we all know grace is a water faucet so it's really weird how the tears refuse to come.
it's so easy to verbalize trust in God. but the actual trusting in Somebody so inexplicably complex is incredibly difficult. i never appreciated the lack of the need to trust in Him completely until of late. especially in this area. my dreams, fantasies, hopes, expectations, plans... everything is staked on this one God who gave everything for me. what a huge gamble eh? haha. irony. when He has done so much for me for no rhyme or reason and yet i find it hard to just close my eyes and give Him my hand. it's not that i don't want to. i really do. but to actually just throw it all down at His throne and say, there Lord. take it and do what You want, i surrender it ALL to You, is just an insane notion in itself. (not that His death on the cross wasn't an insane notion either. that was not just a notion. that was something else in a league of its own altogether.)
we may not see the magnitude of this now cos you may not be in a position which demands a complete surrender. but let's just put it this way. it's as if you have planned for your wedding all your life. you've picked out the dress, the cake, the food, the hotel, the program, the flowers, the red carpet, the bride's maids' dresses, etc. and then the day before the wedding, you tear up all your plans and you hire a highly sought after, world renown professional wedding planner to plan it for you from scratch.
and that's exactly how i feel. you know that the person you're entrusting your future with is totally trust worthy and you know that he'll do a fantastic job. yet at the same time, it is such a painful issue to just tear up your own plans, plans that you've had for years, and leaving something so personal to someone else.
but i do know, of course, that trusting Him is oh-so-imperative and is practically the only way to go. and i'm not saying that i won't do it, i'm just saying that it's so tough. (well duh, if it was easy then why would it grow me closer to Him?) but i'll hang in there and do what i have to, pray as hard as i can, and trust with everything that i have.
and sometimes, perhaps, i get angry at everyone because they look at me with a jaundiced eye, pretty much. and i wonder why i can't be normal or ordinary. and then i realise that it is because i am extraordinary, he's extraordinary and my life, in itself, is extraordinary. and that is why things are different.
90 weeks more. it seems incredulously long. leaves me stupefied and gasping for air in my bid to escape hyperventilation, but i do know, of course, that God has His way of working and these days do not pass me by for naught.
Sarah L came up to me on sunday and said that she sensed that i'm insecure about my future and it's actually pretty darned true. i'm so afraid of what the future will bring. afraid doesn't even fit the bill. terrified, horrified, perturbed.... words of that negative connotation is more apt to describe my fear. i'm unsure about my future in terms of relationships, family, education, career, ministry.... hell, i practically worry about everything. (which is an oxy moron cos how can worrying be practical?)
so sue my for being in a state of pusillanimity but it's really how i'm feeling. like, so aunty right? worry so much about issues so distant. SIGH. typical carnal nature of human beings, always having to go stuff our faces up someone's ass to find some shit to entertain us in life. TSK.
"trust and obey, there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.." tough, but that's the truth and the truth does set me free.
hope, pray, believe, obedience, trust, love. it's all i have and all i could ever ask for.
and i won't lie. this is bloody killing me.
but still, in God i trust.
and God save Gracie the Ke.
P.S. do your homework.
anyway, i'm leaving for taiwan in about, 10 hours. and my luggage is ineffably empty. HAHAHAHA. i'm usually quite kiasu for overseas experiences as such and will pack like three days before or something, but for some reason, this time is so different. i'm not exactly the most excited person about it and yeah, words just fail me. everyone (including myself) keeps telling me "wah, grace, taiwan leh!" and i'm like,"so?" and then i feel like such a loser cos i can't even get excited about this. weird ah? i want to be excited. but i'm just not. but i'll have fun anyways.
today was spent with Samson, H2H with the cell, dinner with a motley crew, slacking in the youth room, then drama practice.
it was all good :)
this season of my life has been alot about trusting God with my everything. and i used to tell my cell kids that all the time. you know, the whole "trust God and let Him handle it" bit. but now that i really have to put it into practice, it is SO painful. and i think crying will make me feel better but for once, i can't even cry. and we all know grace is a water faucet so it's really weird how the tears refuse to come.
it's so easy to verbalize trust in God. but the actual trusting in Somebody so inexplicably complex is incredibly difficult. i never appreciated the lack of the need to trust in Him completely until of late. especially in this area. my dreams, fantasies, hopes, expectations, plans... everything is staked on this one God who gave everything for me. what a huge gamble eh? haha. irony. when He has done so much for me for no rhyme or reason and yet i find it hard to just close my eyes and give Him my hand. it's not that i don't want to. i really do. but to actually just throw it all down at His throne and say, there Lord. take it and do what You want, i surrender it ALL to You, is just an insane notion in itself. (not that His death on the cross wasn't an insane notion either. that was not just a notion. that was something else in a league of its own altogether.)
we may not see the magnitude of this now cos you may not be in a position which demands a complete surrender. but let's just put it this way. it's as if you have planned for your wedding all your life. you've picked out the dress, the cake, the food, the hotel, the program, the flowers, the red carpet, the bride's maids' dresses, etc. and then the day before the wedding, you tear up all your plans and you hire a highly sought after, world renown professional wedding planner to plan it for you from scratch.
and that's exactly how i feel. you know that the person you're entrusting your future with is totally trust worthy and you know that he'll do a fantastic job. yet at the same time, it is such a painful issue to just tear up your own plans, plans that you've had for years, and leaving something so personal to someone else.
but i do know, of course, that trusting Him is oh-so-imperative and is practically the only way to go. and i'm not saying that i won't do it, i'm just saying that it's so tough. (well duh, if it was easy then why would it grow me closer to Him?) but i'll hang in there and do what i have to, pray as hard as i can, and trust with everything that i have.
and sometimes, perhaps, i get angry at everyone because they look at me with a jaundiced eye, pretty much. and i wonder why i can't be normal or ordinary. and then i realise that it is because i am extraordinary, he's extraordinary and my life, in itself, is extraordinary. and that is why things are different.
90 weeks more. it seems incredulously long. leaves me stupefied and gasping for air in my bid to escape hyperventilation, but i do know, of course, that God has His way of working and these days do not pass me by for naught.
Sarah L came up to me on sunday and said that she sensed that i'm insecure about my future and it's actually pretty darned true. i'm so afraid of what the future will bring. afraid doesn't even fit the bill. terrified, horrified, perturbed.... words of that negative connotation is more apt to describe my fear. i'm unsure about my future in terms of relationships, family, education, career, ministry.... hell, i practically worry about everything. (which is an oxy moron cos how can worrying be practical?)
so sue my for being in a state of pusillanimity but it's really how i'm feeling. like, so aunty right? worry so much about issues so distant. SIGH. typical carnal nature of human beings, always having to go stuff our faces up someone's ass to find some shit to entertain us in life. TSK.
"trust and obey, there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey.." tough, but that's the truth and the truth does set me free.
hope, pray, believe, obedience, trust, love. it's all i have and all i could ever ask for.
and i won't lie. this is bloody killing me.
but still, in God i trust.
and God save Gracie the Ke.
Grace ♥ 1:51 p.d.
e hënë, 26 nëntor 2007
oh hello loves:)
after watching Click and playing Sims2 a lot, i've come to realize that life fast-forwarded has no meaning, no purpose, no point whatsoever. so i thank God my life is the way it is, although i often times wish that life could just fast forward to 2009 ;) but still, one step at a time is the best way to go. it's the way God has planned for life to happen, so i guess, yep! it's the only way to go.
i've been pretty sick lately :( i hate this feeling. there's an overload of mucus in my body which is mega mighty majorly gross. but hell, i've gotta rough this out. i hate being sick.
cell outing was okay. kinda ruined by my sickness cos most of the plans i had were outdoors. so we ended up just pigging out and watching DVDs. but everyone else just barged into the youth room and *poof* there goes cell outing. not like i blame them la, since after all, we were in the youth room. the girls were kinda cheesed that some could actually waltz in and gobble up our food. oh well, all in the mane of love eh? hahahha. yes ben, LOVE.
after service on sunday, i had lunch with a new bunch of people, then i had drama briefing with rach, gaius and mel. and then i had dance for awhile, then i watched people kill one another in Risk then we had dinner then we went for the leaders meeting. long long meeting but it was really good :) made me feel like an actual leader of the church and not just "pastor jonathan's girl"
so yes, my luggages aren't packed yet so i have to do it real soon! i'm leaving tomorrow and its so surreal cos i don't feel it at all. weird.
i've got Samson and then drama practice later! make way for the dramatic.
i'll miss you all like nuts and peas.
BFF!!!! i'll get your scarf :) what colour huh? miss me ok? we have to hang out soon! i love you!!
SHENS!! you retard. i love you, you aunty aunty. and you better watch the banana lest i hit you with it.
AIKEY!!! oh goodness gracious me. i miss you! we must catch up soon and have a family reunion or something like that. lovia boy! enjoy your worklessness! :D
and to you.. need i say anything more? ;)
after watching Click and playing Sims2 a lot, i've come to realize that life fast-forwarded has no meaning, no purpose, no point whatsoever. so i thank God my life is the way it is, although i often times wish that life could just fast forward to 2009 ;) but still, one step at a time is the best way to go. it's the way God has planned for life to happen, so i guess, yep! it's the only way to go.
i've been pretty sick lately :( i hate this feeling. there's an overload of mucus in my body which is mega mighty majorly gross. but hell, i've gotta rough this out. i hate being sick.
cell outing was okay. kinda ruined by my sickness cos most of the plans i had were outdoors. so we ended up just pigging out and watching DVDs. but everyone else just barged into the youth room and *poof* there goes cell outing. not like i blame them la, since after all, we were in the youth room. the girls were kinda cheesed that some could actually waltz in and gobble up our food. oh well, all in the mane of love eh? hahahha. yes ben, LOVE.
after service on sunday, i had lunch with a new bunch of people, then i had drama briefing with rach, gaius and mel. and then i had dance for awhile, then i watched people kill one another in Risk then we had dinner then we went for the leaders meeting. long long meeting but it was really good :) made me feel like an actual leader of the church and not just "pastor jonathan's girl"
so yes, my luggages aren't packed yet so i have to do it real soon! i'm leaving tomorrow and its so surreal cos i don't feel it at all. weird.
i've got Samson and then drama practice later! make way for the dramatic.
i'll miss you all like nuts and peas.
BFF!!!! i'll get your scarf :) what colour huh? miss me ok? we have to hang out soon! i love you!!
SHENS!! you retard. i love you, you aunty aunty. and you better watch the banana lest i hit you with it.
AIKEY!!! oh goodness gracious me. i miss you! we must catch up soon and have a family reunion or something like that. lovia boy! enjoy your worklessness! :D
and to you.. need i say anything more? ;)
Grace ♥ 11:06 p.d.
e shtunë, 24 nëntor 2007
:):):):):):):):)
i've been having a good time in life:) sorry to all those who are in my-life-sucks mode, but my life is very gerek at this point of time :) hee. (hanies, is that even how i use that word?) translated: my life is very good at this point of time.
monday was meta
tuesday was meta + LAN with the boys and shens
wednesday was a good day too :) i woke up later than planned so i didn't go to watch a movie with gaius, much to that goondu's dismay. and so he was pissed at me (and the world) and didn't reply my message. BUT, he did have the face to call me to ask me to pick him up from the bus stop after ignoring me for like, 5 hours. WANT TO DIE AH? but i was nice so i went out in the rain to pick that bozo up and then we headed to the BBQ pit at sunhaven and retardation took place. sunny and i were the chicken people so we were breaking bones and chopping chicken and i smelled like chicken. but we had fun so that's ok :)
after the BBQ i "slept" over at shen's house. we stayed up talking the whole night and i left at 8 for home. i had much fun, shens:) i love you! anyway, got home bathed/changed then rush rush to meet the cell girls to collect their results. i seriously felt like a mother. six girls with me with age ranging from 12-13 (joanna and gracie came along) and i'm sitting at the back with the other parents while the girls are in front. and the person on stage just blabbers on and on about how well the school's doing, how to apply for a secondary school, blah blah blah. i even clapped when they announced the good results, i got excited when they received their results, and i was there to hug and hold them when they cried. tears of joy and tears of sorrow were shed but after everything, God's will be done :)
while collecting their results, i wondered how it's be like when i go collect mine at the start of next year. will i be as anxious? will i cry tears of happiness or will i cry because my results are not up to expectations? will i have people to go with me? will i be snapping photos and hugging friends? will i even want to get my results? i really wonder what's gonna happen.
okay yes, so after the results were collected, i went down to church for AFTA and we "planned" for the CFFF thing. i fell asleep kneeling down and shens was asleep beside me. we had to go upstairs to do a presentation. we were given 15 minutes, and i was done in 2.
had a mini-dance practice, just shens and i, and we had fun :) it was only for an hour but it was so good cos we had all the moves and we danced synchronously. so fun!!! then we went off to meet the rest for the planning ;) and it all ended by 11 or so.
got home, phone call :) , check this, check that, bathe, pack, slept at like, 1? and then i woke up today at 2.40pm :D the sleep was much needed and was shiokdom.
so, waking up was chaos cos i saw a trillion miss calls and a whole barrage of messages from random people. the miss calls were from gaius and chuan so i called back and was informed that they were watching a 3.10 movie. so i had 30 minutes to bathe and cab down to bugis and i didn't even know what show we were watching. hahahaha. i actually made it before the movie started :) the cabbie was zoom zoom zoom fast and yeah i was inside by 3.20? hee. i'm so proud of me. i bathed so super fast! and i got dressed fast too! and despite the fast throwing on of clothes, i did not look like crap or like i just woke up, which i did.
sat down only to realize that the brilliant boys had decided to watch Beowulf. haha. goodness. the show was o-kay. as in. waste of money but can survive. i fell asleep for a lil while but the boys kept me awake the rest of the time by talking to me. and Angelina Jolie was sizzling hot la. oh dear me, so grogeous la, she. gaius was an ass. haha. he was so assful i won't even say how assful he was because he was so assish. ass.
ate at beer with chuan cos i didn't buy food but they did and tadah, at 6 pm i had my first meal of the day. i was starving but didn't end up eating much. haha. stupid right? we rented Click and watched it in church but only after camwhoring a million pictures on ben's mac. BEN! I WANT TO STEAL THE PICTURES!!
Click was SO good and i cried like mad. hee. i'm such a sucker for stuff like that. and after that i met rach and aiks and gaius for drama briefing (and aiks says: not boxers ah?)
now i'm home and i've got a few things to do before sleeping and then cell overnighting tomorrow. ahhh! busyness.
saturday-cell/service/postparty
sunday-service/lunch/drama meeting/dance/studio
monday- BFF/meet with boys for Gameplan
tuesday to sunday-TAIWAN!! (i'm weirdly not excited :( why!)
monday- meet with people
tuesday to friday- YM camp
saturday- service/am on duty
sunday- service/lunch/dance/studio
and that's my life for the next 3 weeks. so busy bumble bee.
fare thee well, fellow comrades. I. R. BABOON.
i've been having a good time in life:) sorry to all those who are in my-life-sucks mode, but my life is very gerek at this point of time :) hee. (hanies, is that even how i use that word?) translated: my life is very good at this point of time.
monday was meta
tuesday was meta + LAN with the boys and shens
wednesday was a good day too :) i woke up later than planned so i didn't go to watch a movie with gaius, much to that goondu's dismay. and so he was pissed at me (and the world) and didn't reply my message. BUT, he did have the face to call me to ask me to pick him up from the bus stop after ignoring me for like, 5 hours. WANT TO DIE AH? but i was nice so i went out in the rain to pick that bozo up and then we headed to the BBQ pit at sunhaven and retardation took place. sunny and i were the chicken people so we were breaking bones and chopping chicken and i smelled like chicken. but we had fun so that's ok :)
after the BBQ i "slept" over at shen's house. we stayed up talking the whole night and i left at 8 for home. i had much fun, shens:) i love you! anyway, got home bathed/changed then rush rush to meet the cell girls to collect their results. i seriously felt like a mother. six girls with me with age ranging from 12-13 (joanna and gracie came along) and i'm sitting at the back with the other parents while the girls are in front. and the person on stage just blabbers on and on about how well the school's doing, how to apply for a secondary school, blah blah blah. i even clapped when they announced the good results, i got excited when they received their results, and i was there to hug and hold them when they cried. tears of joy and tears of sorrow were shed but after everything, God's will be done :)
while collecting their results, i wondered how it's be like when i go collect mine at the start of next year. will i be as anxious? will i cry tears of happiness or will i cry because my results are not up to expectations? will i have people to go with me? will i be snapping photos and hugging friends? will i even want to get my results? i really wonder what's gonna happen.
okay yes, so after the results were collected, i went down to church for AFTA and we "planned" for the CFFF thing. i fell asleep kneeling down and shens was asleep beside me. we had to go upstairs to do a presentation. we were given 15 minutes, and i was done in 2.
had a mini-dance practice, just shens and i, and we had fun :) it was only for an hour but it was so good cos we had all the moves and we danced synchronously. so fun!!! then we went off to meet the rest for the planning ;) and it all ended by 11 or so.
got home, phone call :) , check this, check that, bathe, pack, slept at like, 1? and then i woke up today at 2.40pm :D the sleep was much needed and was shiokdom.
so, waking up was chaos cos i saw a trillion miss calls and a whole barrage of messages from random people. the miss calls were from gaius and chuan so i called back and was informed that they were watching a 3.10 movie. so i had 30 minutes to bathe and cab down to bugis and i didn't even know what show we were watching. hahahaha. i actually made it before the movie started :) the cabbie was zoom zoom zoom fast and yeah i was inside by 3.20? hee. i'm so proud of me. i bathed so super fast! and i got dressed fast too! and despite the fast throwing on of clothes, i did not look like crap or like i just woke up, which i did.
sat down only to realize that the brilliant boys had decided to watch Beowulf. haha. goodness. the show was o-kay. as in. waste of money but can survive. i fell asleep for a lil while but the boys kept me awake the rest of the time by talking to me. and Angelina Jolie was sizzling hot la. oh dear me, so grogeous la, she. gaius was an ass. haha. he was so assful i won't even say how assful he was because he was so assish. ass.
ate at beer with chuan cos i didn't buy food but they did and tadah, at 6 pm i had my first meal of the day. i was starving but didn't end up eating much. haha. stupid right? we rented Click and watched it in church but only after camwhoring a million pictures on ben's mac. BEN! I WANT TO STEAL THE PICTURES!!
Click was SO good and i cried like mad. hee. i'm such a sucker for stuff like that. and after that i met rach and aiks and gaius for drama briefing (and aiks says: not boxers ah?)
now i'm home and i've got a few things to do before sleeping and then cell overnighting tomorrow. ahhh! busyness.
saturday-cell/service/postparty
sunday-service/lunch/drama meeting/dance/studio
monday- BFF/meet with boys for Gameplan
tuesday to sunday-TAIWAN!! (i'm weirdly not excited :( why!)
monday- meet with people
tuesday to friday- YM camp
saturday- service/am on duty
sunday- service/lunch/dance/studio
and that's my life for the next 3 weeks. so busy bumble bee.
fare thee well, fellow comrades. I. R. BABOON.
Grace ♥ 12:21 p.d.
e mërkurë, 21 nëntor 2007
this being post 200 is absolutely phenomenal because i have never kept a blog for more than two months before. HAHAHAHAHA.
okay so yes hello world, i am madly in love with life although it ain't exactly peachy. and i'm sleepy and not cranky and i'm feeling fat and meta camp was fun and last night was fun too :D
first up, monday:
shaun called me at 5 and i woke up and cabbed down to meet him at sennett. then we ran for like an hour at ECP and i hurt my knee. again. hahha. stupid right? but yeah its okay now so you don't have to worry. then we bathed at sennett before going for the briefing for meta at 8.30am. (only after i bathed then did i realize that the little window was open so anyone who was crazy enough to climb the shoe racks outside could have peeped in with great ease. how disconcerting.)
the first day of meta was crazy. in more ways than one. i had group mates with emotional disorders, an assistant leader with mental disabilities (hahah sean.) and then i had 4 little P6es running around and i was surviving on three hours of snooze. insanity i tell you. but i managed to scream and laugh alot so i think and i hope that it helped the atmosphere somewhat.
and oh, my group's name was VIRUS. hahah :) i actually miss them already. lison, reon, linda, mandy, joanna, sean, isaac.j, judah, kenny and danellia. so fun right? i also know. oh. and kenny's the smallest, shortest, cutest lil' beng i've ever met. and he sleeps anywhere.
by night time everyone was pretty okay and were having fun. we had service and then played underground church :) and frustrating though it may have been, but i daresay that it bonded the group that much more. and joanna i'm so darned proud of you. i really do think you're gonna be this cell's next leader :) the world should watch out for you cos you're gonna kickass.
we had leaders' debrief and then we did bible study then slept. shenna and i slept at the other end of the hall and she woke up before me, so when i woke up, i found myself sleeping alone. HAHA. and i woke up and saw the vast amount of space around me, i rolled around the floor in my sleeping bag. it has been awhile since i last did something as moronic as that.
tuesday:
woke up and all and then we had a little praise session, habitudes with the kids, workshops, lunch, ECP... we were playing capture the flag in the usual field but the mud was horrid. and then............................ it rained. much chaos about the rain but in the end we all reached church to bathe/change/slack and then it was dinner, then service and the meta camp ended.
meta did really change me after all. i think it increased my level of love for the people (PUI PUI!!!! oh dear me, so cute that tofu.) and it made me realize my importance to my cell. the girls have been worrying about whether or not i'm leaving and they're so cute i tell you. the past two days the kept asking me if i was staying or going and i found random scribbles on my notes saying "Grace the best leader ever." and honestly i'm not saying this to boast but i'm just typing this out because its the little things they do that make me feel more like a leader. they're encouragement is imperative beyond ordinary measure and if it weren't for their love i doubt i'd stick on for any longer. i love my cell. most times.
okay yes anyway, after meta chuan came over and we all went to eat at beer then we went to (haha okay don't laugh) LAN at Gamer's inc. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. (okay, now laugh) craziness la. 10 sleepy people with big big bags trooping into that skanky LAN shop in the middle of the night to play LAN. i totally surprised isaac when i pulled out my membership card :)))))))))))))))) I'M A MEMBER OF GAMER'S INC. I AM THE COOLEST BEING ON PLANET EARTH!!! hahaha. no la. i have the membership only because i played LAN with chuan gaius and sean last friday.
but yes, i had much much fun :) and i love you bunch loads.
i was supposed to meet gaius for a movie about an hour ago, but 1)he's asleep 2)i'm very tired so i'm going back to sleep 3)there's the BBQ later 4)i'm broke. HAHAHA. yes world, grace is broke. again. i need my parents to come back, give me money, then go away for three months. either that or i need a job. and oh i need to lose weight. this fluctuation of my weight is very annoying. can it just drop to 45 and stay at 45? stupid.
anyway, tomorrow i'll be going with the cell girls to get their PSLE results (which i find very intimidating because i'll have to meet their parents) and after that i'll be going for AFTA and then after that i think there's dance practice. and then friday is a i-dunno-what-to-do day and then saturday and sunday is cell outing and dance practice. and then monday :))))) and then tuesday i am flying off to taiwan and joseph choo will be on my plane and no, you idiot, i am not eating with you. you can stuff your face silly but i'll spend my mornings running off my fats thank you very much. and oh goodness, joseph this is our 3rd out of asia experience together. this is a lil freaky. haha.
okay. i'm gone. my pillow suddenly seems very inviting again. or should i just go for the meta BBQ at 3? aiya. i dunno larxzxxsxzsxfa jvcavyfagcbai bskjfbakw .
_______________________________________ :D
okay so yes hello world, i am madly in love with life although it ain't exactly peachy. and i'm sleepy and not cranky and i'm feeling fat and meta camp was fun and last night was fun too :D
first up, monday:
shaun called me at 5 and i woke up and cabbed down to meet him at sennett. then we ran for like an hour at ECP and i hurt my knee. again. hahha. stupid right? but yeah its okay now so you don't have to worry. then we bathed at sennett before going for the briefing for meta at 8.30am. (only after i bathed then did i realize that the little window was open so anyone who was crazy enough to climb the shoe racks outside could have peeped in with great ease. how disconcerting.)
the first day of meta was crazy. in more ways than one. i had group mates with emotional disorders, an assistant leader with mental disabilities (hahah sean.) and then i had 4 little P6es running around and i was surviving on three hours of snooze. insanity i tell you. but i managed to scream and laugh alot so i think and i hope that it helped the atmosphere somewhat.
and oh, my group's name was VIRUS. hahah :) i actually miss them already. lison, reon, linda, mandy, joanna, sean, isaac.j, judah, kenny and danellia. so fun right? i also know. oh. and kenny's the smallest, shortest, cutest lil' beng i've ever met. and he sleeps anywhere.
by night time everyone was pretty okay and were having fun. we had service and then played underground church :) and frustrating though it may have been, but i daresay that it bonded the group that much more. and joanna i'm so darned proud of you. i really do think you're gonna be this cell's next leader :) the world should watch out for you cos you're gonna kickass.
we had leaders' debrief and then we did bible study then slept. shenna and i slept at the other end of the hall and she woke up before me, so when i woke up, i found myself sleeping alone. HAHA. and i woke up and saw the vast amount of space around me, i rolled around the floor in my sleeping bag. it has been awhile since i last did something as moronic as that.
tuesday:
woke up and all and then we had a little praise session, habitudes with the kids, workshops, lunch, ECP... we were playing capture the flag in the usual field but the mud was horrid. and then............................ it rained. much chaos about the rain but in the end we all reached church to bathe/change/slack and then it was dinner, then service and the meta camp ended.
meta did really change me after all. i think it increased my level of love for the people (PUI PUI!!!! oh dear me, so cute that tofu.) and it made me realize my importance to my cell. the girls have been worrying about whether or not i'm leaving and they're so cute i tell you. the past two days the kept asking me if i was staying or going and i found random scribbles on my notes saying "Grace the best leader ever." and honestly i'm not saying this to boast but i'm just typing this out because its the little things they do that make me feel more like a leader. they're encouragement is imperative beyond ordinary measure and if it weren't for their love i doubt i'd stick on for any longer. i love my cell. most times.
okay yes anyway, after meta chuan came over and we all went to eat at beer then we went to (haha okay don't laugh) LAN at Gamer's inc. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. (okay, now laugh) craziness la. 10 sleepy people with big big bags trooping into that skanky LAN shop in the middle of the night to play LAN. i totally surprised isaac when i pulled out my membership card :)))))))))))))))) I'M A MEMBER OF GAMER'S INC. I AM THE COOLEST BEING ON PLANET EARTH!!! hahaha. no la. i have the membership only because i played LAN with chuan gaius and sean last friday.
but yes, i had much much fun :) and i love you bunch loads.
i was supposed to meet gaius for a movie about an hour ago, but 1)he's asleep 2)i'm very tired so i'm going back to sleep 3)there's the BBQ later 4)i'm broke. HAHAHA. yes world, grace is broke. again. i need my parents to come back, give me money, then go away for three months. either that or i need a job. and oh i need to lose weight. this fluctuation of my weight is very annoying. can it just drop to 45 and stay at 45? stupid.
anyway, tomorrow i'll be going with the cell girls to get their PSLE results (which i find very intimidating because i'll have to meet their parents) and after that i'll be going for AFTA and then after that i think there's dance practice. and then friday is a i-dunno-what-to-do day and then saturday and sunday is cell outing and dance practice. and then monday :))))) and then tuesday i am flying off to taiwan and joseph choo will be on my plane and no, you idiot, i am not eating with you. you can stuff your face silly but i'll spend my mornings running off my fats thank you very much. and oh goodness, joseph this is our 3rd out of asia experience together. this is a lil freaky. haha.
okay. i'm gone. my pillow suddenly seems very inviting again. or should i just go for the meta BBQ at 3? aiya. i dunno larxzxxsxzsxfa jvcavyfagcbai bskjfbakw .
_______________________________________ :D
Grace ♥ 12:35 m.d.
e hënë, 19 nëntor 2007
hello darlings.
how morbid is this?
i'm meetin shaun at 6 to RUN.
HAHAHAHAHA. in the morning.
this is a never before seen footage of my life. i only do night runs. but here we are at the ungodly hour of 5, about to run at 6, and i even have to cab down there cos the first bus is at 6.24a.m. HA. this is ridiculous. let's just pray that it's worth it eh?
anyway, my entire body feels a little strange due to dance (first time in three years) yesterday. t'was great to be back and t'was great to use this as yet another form of worship unto Him :) i love You, LAH, Lord.
okay, i'm off! see y'all after meta! :D
how morbid is this?
i'm meetin shaun at 6 to RUN.
HAHAHAHAHA. in the morning.
this is a never before seen footage of my life. i only do night runs. but here we are at the ungodly hour of 5, about to run at 6, and i even have to cab down there cos the first bus is at 6.24a.m. HA. this is ridiculous. let's just pray that it's worth it eh?
anyway, my entire body feels a little strange due to dance (first time in three years) yesterday. t'was great to be back and t'was great to use this as yet another form of worship unto Him :) i love You, LAH, Lord.
okay, i'm off! see y'all after meta! :D
Grace ♥ 5:26 p.d.
e diel, 18 nëntor 2007
(i wanted to do this another time but i thought, heck, might as well just get this done and over with. it's a personal mission thing. y'know? to get me on my way to being that journalist/novelist)
Ben said he read my thing about his saying that love is overrated. and i still stick with what i say, that love isn't overrated. and Ben went, "yeah, but that's only because you're in love." *he grins*
okay, so maybe it's a little true. being in Love's good book does make me believe in it more than others. but honestly, if i wasn't in Love, i still think Love's a pretty darned real aspect of all our lives.
(NOTE: to all who think that me being "in" love is the most awesome thing in life and you're damned jealous, don't be. this love i found has great boundaries and responsibilities. and it has made me realize the importance of purity and accountability. and waiting isn't as easy as you all think it is. but either ways, i thank God for His awesomeness and His creation of this man and his love :) but the main point is, this is nothing to be envious about. it has its pros and cons.)
so anyway, back to my stand about Love.
i figure love takes form in many ways. more than just that romantic aspect of love. there's the love for family (or what's left of it), the love for friends, the love for food, the love for life, the love for God (whether you're a Christian or no, i'm sure you love your god too. right?), the love for pleasure, the love for animals, the love for nostalgia, the love for nature, the love for hobbies etc. and very importantly, the love for ourselves.
so you see? love isn't overrated. in fact, it's the most universal thing. every single being in this world is on a search for love. we have been input with this insane desire to love and be loved. imagine a world without love, a world where no one had any passion for anything. and that world is what i call "EMO". you would have nothing to live for, nothing to pine for, nothing to make you wanna wake up in the morning (or afternoon, for most of us).
and then again, even emo people are emo because they lack love/acceptance etc. bulimic or anorexic people also crave love. they only do what they do so that others would love them more, and so that they would love themselves more. no? i know for sure cos i lost weight (the healthy way, mind you) because i wanted to love myself more. so that i'd look in the mirror and not feel like i'm Queen Latifah.
but anyway, the love that i came to realize yesterday was one of the romantic aspect (and people say "i knew it.") but the only reason why is simply because it is so real to me now. (this part is very Christian-y so non-Christians, you are spared.)
i've come to realize that a relationship is more than just abstaining from sex till marriage, and it is more than just resolving arguments and trying to make things last. cos honestly, you get married, and then what?
a relationship involves more than love, more than commitment, more than maturity and devotion. all those things are necessary, yes. but a relationship should also be a way for you to get closer to God! :) awesome huh? the relationship should not pull you away from God, but instead should draw you closer. the boy/man should make me more pure than before, and i should be on a whole self-improvement thing because i want my man to have the best. and being in a relationship means that we can serve God together too.
i strongly believe that a God-based relationship would be one which would last and more than just lasting, it would have a purpose. think about it. you date this man/woman for say, 8 years. and then you get married. there's a honeymoon period of about a year or so, and then you have a kid, and then you stay married, you have another kid, and you stay married. and then your kids grow up, they leave you, and you find yourselves back in a twosome world after 20 years. and then you still stay married and then what? you die together? is THAT it? all this hooha about love and all you do is stay married all your life?
i think that a relationship would be purposeful and i know that God has greater purposes for the union of a man and his wife. granted, there would be problems, awkward silences, times where you don't know what to say, fights, quarrels, annoyances... these are all part and parcel of a relationship. i'm not saying that with God in it, it's totally perfect. no, truth is, these things might happen all the more, so that the couple will be tested and their faith and love proved strong.
Rachael said that if you love someone, you'd serve him wholeheartedly and give him your all, placing him and his interests above your own. and that's the truth about us loving God as well. i realized that i haven't been doing this for God and i haven't been doing this for him either. and until i know how to love God and serve God fully, placing His interests above my own, placing His will above mine, i don't think i'm quite ready to love ____ _____. and so, i'm going to devote these two years to learn how to TRULY love God, then i'll go about loving him :) sounds like a good plan eh?
and because this is MY love post (ha.ha.) i'll talk about things from my circumstance. for those of you who know what i'm going through and who've been praying for us, THANK YOU :D it means so much that you guys are praying cos then it makes me realize how serious this is. isaac, gaius, queks, shenna, aunty ayelan, pastor mark, sarah, meredith etc. your prayers are appreciated and loved. and also for the times where you've provoked me and asked me about us, thank you. we'll definitely watch ourselves and even if we don't work out, we will make this glorifying to God and give Him our trust and faith, and know that He is an awesome God and He has His quirky ways. it's not going to be easy but i guess i did start this out on a slightly wrong foot. but now that things are the way it is, we'll make do :) and we'll make it through, primarily as friends..
okay, this post is mega long. but hey, it's about LOVE! i could go on forever but i know you guys have probably already given up reading at about the second paragraph. haha. but the point is, i don't think love is overrated and honestly speaking, i don't think it ever will be :)
i'm in love.
and in more ways than one.
to all i love and who love me..
i love you.
and thank you.
and to YOU! i know and you know that we'll make it through and we'll come out even better and even stronger :) and that our God will do His thing, and we'll simply revel in it. firstly, we work on our friendship and our personal relationships with God. and then, we'll see how when that year rolls along. and we'll be so blessed. really. and come what come may, i thank God for you and i thank God for us and let's just trust and obey Him cos that's the best and only thing we can do :D
ISAAC!!! LUNCH DATE!! this wednesday? can? or even after meta on tuesday!! we can go for dinner cos my parents wouldn't be in town so i can go out till like whatever time. really really. i have so much to say to you :) and i love you so so much LAH! you've been such a blessing and your prayers really do matter.
SHENNA HO YING LOU!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUPPYCAKE!!! :DDDD i love you so so much and you're such an awesome friend and sister. we've come so so far and through so much stuff and i'm glad we're still so close and still so much in love with each other :))) hahaha. you served God your entire birthday and i know He'll bless you back so much for all that. i wish i could do more for you and i will. i really will. i'll find a way! hahah. i love you!!
Ben said he read my thing about his saying that love is overrated. and i still stick with what i say, that love isn't overrated. and Ben went, "yeah, but that's only because you're in love." *he grins*
okay, so maybe it's a little true. being in Love's good book does make me believe in it more than others. but honestly, if i wasn't in Love, i still think Love's a pretty darned real aspect of all our lives.
(NOTE: to all who think that me being "in" love is the most awesome thing in life and you're damned jealous, don't be. this love i found has great boundaries and responsibilities. and it has made me realize the importance of purity and accountability. and waiting isn't as easy as you all think it is. but either ways, i thank God for His awesomeness and His creation of this man and his love :) but the main point is, this is nothing to be envious about. it has its pros and cons.)
so anyway, back to my stand about Love.
i figure love takes form in many ways. more than just that romantic aspect of love. there's the love for family (or what's left of it), the love for friends, the love for food, the love for life, the love for God (whether you're a Christian or no, i'm sure you love your god too. right?), the love for pleasure, the love for animals, the love for nostalgia, the love for nature, the love for hobbies etc. and very importantly, the love for ourselves.
so you see? love isn't overrated. in fact, it's the most universal thing. every single being in this world is on a search for love. we have been input with this insane desire to love and be loved. imagine a world without love, a world where no one had any passion for anything. and that world is what i call "EMO". you would have nothing to live for, nothing to pine for, nothing to make you wanna wake up in the morning (or afternoon, for most of us).
and then again, even emo people are emo because they lack love/acceptance etc. bulimic or anorexic people also crave love. they only do what they do so that others would love them more, and so that they would love themselves more. no? i know for sure cos i lost weight (the healthy way, mind you) because i wanted to love myself more. so that i'd look in the mirror and not feel like i'm Queen Latifah.
but anyway, the love that i came to realize yesterday was one of the romantic aspect (and people say "i knew it.") but the only reason why is simply because it is so real to me now. (this part is very Christian-y so non-Christians, you are spared.)
i've come to realize that a relationship is more than just abstaining from sex till marriage, and it is more than just resolving arguments and trying to make things last. cos honestly, you get married, and then what?
a relationship involves more than love, more than commitment, more than maturity and devotion. all those things are necessary, yes. but a relationship should also be a way for you to get closer to God! :) awesome huh? the relationship should not pull you away from God, but instead should draw you closer. the boy/man should make me more pure than before, and i should be on a whole self-improvement thing because i want my man to have the best. and being in a relationship means that we can serve God together too.
i strongly believe that a God-based relationship would be one which would last and more than just lasting, it would have a purpose. think about it. you date this man/woman for say, 8 years. and then you get married. there's a honeymoon period of about a year or so, and then you have a kid, and then you stay married, you have another kid, and you stay married. and then your kids grow up, they leave you, and you find yourselves back in a twosome world after 20 years. and then you still stay married and then what? you die together? is THAT it? all this hooha about love and all you do is stay married all your life?
i think that a relationship would be purposeful and i know that God has greater purposes for the union of a man and his wife. granted, there would be problems, awkward silences, times where you don't know what to say, fights, quarrels, annoyances... these are all part and parcel of a relationship. i'm not saying that with God in it, it's totally perfect. no, truth is, these things might happen all the more, so that the couple will be tested and their faith and love proved strong.
Rachael said that if you love someone, you'd serve him wholeheartedly and give him your all, placing him and his interests above your own. and that's the truth about us loving God as well. i realized that i haven't been doing this for God and i haven't been doing this for him either. and until i know how to love God and serve God fully, placing His interests above my own, placing His will above mine, i don't think i'm quite ready to love ____ _____. and so, i'm going to devote these two years to learn how to TRULY love God, then i'll go about loving him :) sounds like a good plan eh?
and because this is MY love post (ha.ha.) i'll talk about things from my circumstance. for those of you who know what i'm going through and who've been praying for us, THANK YOU :D it means so much that you guys are praying cos then it makes me realize how serious this is. isaac, gaius, queks, shenna, aunty ayelan, pastor mark, sarah, meredith etc. your prayers are appreciated and loved. and also for the times where you've provoked me and asked me about us, thank you. we'll definitely watch ourselves and even if we don't work out, we will make this glorifying to God and give Him our trust and faith, and know that He is an awesome God and He has His quirky ways. it's not going to be easy but i guess i did start this out on a slightly wrong foot. but now that things are the way it is, we'll make do :) and we'll make it through, primarily as friends..
okay, this post is mega long. but hey, it's about LOVE! i could go on forever but i know you guys have probably already given up reading at about the second paragraph. haha. but the point is, i don't think love is overrated and honestly speaking, i don't think it ever will be :)
i'm in love.
and in more ways than one.
to all i love and who love me..
i love you.
and thank you.
and to YOU! i know and you know that we'll make it through and we'll come out even better and even stronger :) and that our God will do His thing, and we'll simply revel in it. firstly, we work on our friendship and our personal relationships with God. and then, we'll see how when that year rolls along. and we'll be so blessed. really. and come what come may, i thank God for you and i thank God for us and let's just trust and obey Him cos that's the best and only thing we can do :D
ISAAC!!! LUNCH DATE!! this wednesday? can? or even after meta on tuesday!! we can go for dinner cos my parents wouldn't be in town so i can go out till like whatever time. really really. i have so much to say to you :) and i love you so so much LAH! you've been such a blessing and your prayers really do matter.
SHENNA HO YING LOU!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CUPPYCAKE!!! :DDDD i love you so so much and you're such an awesome friend and sister. we've come so so far and through so much stuff and i'm glad we're still so close and still so much in love with each other :))) hahaha. you served God your entire birthday and i know He'll bless you back so much for all that. i wish i could do more for you and i will. i really will. i'll find a way! hahah. i love you!!
Grace ♥ 11:17 m.d.
today heralded much tears. but i only shed tears for worthy causes. and this, in my books, is a darned worthy cause.
so anyway, not gonna blog much, but i'm just gonna type this out to remind myself of what i'm doing.
my future decided and everything is in God's hands. i don't know what the years will bring but ultimately, His ways are higher, His plans are the most perfect and i'm just going to leave it to Him to decide. (it's not as if anything i do now can change it anyways. haha. He has already planned everything since the start of time) i don't know what will happen and i'm definitely hoping for the best :) and in the worst case scenario (oh God, forbid) then at least i know i was faithful and that He has better things planned for me. AND i also know i'll grow more from this, no matter what the outcome is.
i never understood the profound meaning of love until today. the depth of the word is unfathomable, ineffable, inexplicable... yeah, you get my drift. in my next post (when i'm more awake and less emotional) i will write about my view point on love. love love love love love. ben and aiks once said it was overrated. and i say? i can never get enough of it.
pure, sanctified, with great integrity, one-faced yet multi-faceted, holy, pleasing, beautiful, God-centred/founded, Holy Spirit led, approved, envied, sensational. all these things and more, if God's will is as such. which i pray it is. pray with me? i know you will :)
so anyway, not gonna blog much, but i'm just gonna type this out to remind myself of what i'm doing.
my future decided and everything is in God's hands. i don't know what the years will bring but ultimately, His ways are higher, His plans are the most perfect and i'm just going to leave it to Him to decide. (it's not as if anything i do now can change it anyways. haha. He has already planned everything since the start of time) i don't know what will happen and i'm definitely hoping for the best :) and in the worst case scenario (oh God, forbid) then at least i know i was faithful and that He has better things planned for me. AND i also know i'll grow more from this, no matter what the outcome is.
i never understood the profound meaning of love until today. the depth of the word is unfathomable, ineffable, inexplicable... yeah, you get my drift. in my next post (when i'm more awake and less emotional) i will write about my view point on love. love love love love love. ben and aiks once said it was overrated. and i say? i can never get enough of it.
i love You, Lord
You rescued me
You are all that i want
You're all i need
You rescued me
You are all that i want
You're all i need
pure, sanctified, with great integrity, one-faced yet multi-faceted, holy, pleasing, beautiful, God-centred/founded, Holy Spirit led, approved, envied, sensational. all these things and more, if God's will is as such. which i pray it is. pray with me? i know you will :)
Grace ♥ 1:03 p.d.
e enjte, 15 nëntor 2007
because today just passed me by
lingered not, but left me dry
emotions and notions, so pointlessly
one thing i ask, don't let go of me.
honestly, i need a life.
know where to get one?
know where to get one?
Grace ♥ 10:03 m.d.
so it's almost 2 a.m. and i'm actually full of energy in a really bizarre manner. it's not like i'm hyper energetic or whatever, it's more like i'm energetically driven by anger. yeah okay so i'm pissed now.
i mean, how many of us when we see a sad-looking person will burst out hurling invectives at them as if it were their fault that they were sad? STUPID. parental units have mental issues some times.
i shan't comment any further. it it over and i shall leave it as that.
anyway, i was cleaning up my room and stirring up the dust so now i'm itching and i can't breathe properly. loser right? i also know. i hate being asthmatic, it's such a lousy feeling.
looking through the stuff it seems as if the past four years of my life have been but a paper chase. worksheets, notes, letters, essays, consent forms (why are they still with me?), books, organizers, files, envelopes and stuff of that nature. and then i found this file with all my exam papers from last year.
big Fs marked in red ink reminded me of how i totally failed in the academic area. Fs, Es and Us showed how terribly i did in 2006 and how i was such a failure. never passing math or A math or chem or physics, barely pasing literature and humanities...
and then i saw notebooks which bore a name unfamiliar. until i realized that the name belonged to this girl i once mentored---mandy. and then i realize, again, that the books were her Q.T. books and i am reminded of my failure as her mentor. even now, 3 years later, i still have her Q.T. which i've never even flipped through.
and then i see files printed with the title "EPHIMERIDA" and i am reminded of how i failed in that area of ministry. all that paper work, forms i've printed, minutes i've taken, people i've called up, and the ministry falls apart and now lies in the hands of someone else. it was the ministry pastor mark first entrusted me with and i totally let him down. we even lost the notice board. ha.
and then i see pictures of friends whom i no longer have contact with, and love notes from former flames and i even found the ring sufi gave me on valentine's 2 years back. it's funny how we so flippantly gave rings then, when a ring symbolizes love everlasting, a marital bond with a warrant for higher commitment than just another "i love you".
all the files and papers and random objects remind me of what a failure i once was, and i look back now, in retrospective, and i thank God for the long way i've come. for the ministries i no longer fail, for the current growing cell group of 12 when i couldn't even handle one mentee before, for the good results now when i used to get 4 F9s, for the steady love i've found now instead of the fashionable "steads" i used to have. and despite life being anything but jolly right now, i thank God still for His great love and providence.
and i look at the four boxes (and miscellaneous plastic bags) sitting in the corridor now, and i hold no emotions as i throw away four years of my life. and you know, as long as four years may seem, it has already consumed one quarter of my life. amazing huh? it's hard to believe i'm only sixteen.
and now my room lays in a partial mess but i am too asthmatic to carry on cleaning up. i've managed to clear out the old trash, i need new boxes for the bags and stuff i'm keeping, i have a mini-library for non-Christian books and i actually have a mini-library for Christian books as well :) and now i need to get more books to add on to my collection(s). i also need to get rid of old clothes so i can get new ones and i need to make a list of stuff i need/want/have to get.
so i figure, i shall spend thursday doing all of that. it's not like i have much choice anyway. friday might be spent with the Usuals :D i miss you guys already. LAN? :) hee. sorry i'm such a tomboy.
and i thank God.
and Lord, i love You.
and today i realised that a perpetual honeymoon is virtually impossible. but then again, with God all things are possible. right? but i thank God (again) that things are okay. at least i think they're okay. i'm not really sure. damn all these insecurities. but i trust in him and in Him. so yes, everything's cool.
SHE-ANNA! i date you in two years for yet another chowder in the pantry meal ok? :D i love you muchaloo. and thank you for being there when i was a lil down and confused:) my lesbian partner for life la, you.
QUEKS! thank you, dear, for standing by me when i was in the pits today. granted, it was a simple message but it meant so much to me to know that i had at least you, if no one else, who still thinks i'm worth a thought :) vaness quek, you are onehell heaven of a BFF. i love you like i love losing weight :D thank you :) for everything.
and in retrospect, i've been tired the whole week.
goodnight and farewell, my friends and my love.
i mean, how many of us when we see a sad-looking person will burst out hurling invectives at them as if it were their fault that they were sad? STUPID. parental units have mental issues some times.
i shan't comment any further. it it over and i shall leave it as that.
anyway, i was cleaning up my room and stirring up the dust so now i'm itching and i can't breathe properly. loser right? i also know. i hate being asthmatic, it's such a lousy feeling.
looking through the stuff it seems as if the past four years of my life have been but a paper chase. worksheets, notes, letters, essays, consent forms (why are they still with me?), books, organizers, files, envelopes and stuff of that nature. and then i found this file with all my exam papers from last year.
big Fs marked in red ink reminded me of how i totally failed in the academic area. Fs, Es and Us showed how terribly i did in 2006 and how i was such a failure. never passing math or A math or chem or physics, barely pasing literature and humanities...
and then i saw notebooks which bore a name unfamiliar. until i realized that the name belonged to this girl i once mentored---mandy. and then i realize, again, that the books were her Q.T. books and i am reminded of my failure as her mentor. even now, 3 years later, i still have her Q.T. which i've never even flipped through.
and then i see files printed with the title "EPHIMERIDA" and i am reminded of how i failed in that area of ministry. all that paper work, forms i've printed, minutes i've taken, people i've called up, and the ministry falls apart and now lies in the hands of someone else. it was the ministry pastor mark first entrusted me with and i totally let him down. we even lost the notice board. ha.
and then i see pictures of friends whom i no longer have contact with, and love notes from former flames and i even found the ring sufi gave me on valentine's 2 years back. it's funny how we so flippantly gave rings then, when a ring symbolizes love everlasting, a marital bond with a warrant for higher commitment than just another "i love you".
all the files and papers and random objects remind me of what a failure i once was, and i look back now, in retrospective, and i thank God for the long way i've come. for the ministries i no longer fail, for the current growing cell group of 12 when i couldn't even handle one mentee before, for the good results now when i used to get 4 F9s, for the steady love i've found now instead of the fashionable "steads" i used to have. and despite life being anything but jolly right now, i thank God still for His great love and providence.
and i look at the four boxes (and miscellaneous plastic bags) sitting in the corridor now, and i hold no emotions as i throw away four years of my life. and you know, as long as four years may seem, it has already consumed one quarter of my life. amazing huh? it's hard to believe i'm only sixteen.
and now my room lays in a partial mess but i am too asthmatic to carry on cleaning up. i've managed to clear out the old trash, i need new boxes for the bags and stuff i'm keeping, i have a mini-library for non-Christian books and i actually have a mini-library for Christian books as well :) and now i need to get more books to add on to my collection(s). i also need to get rid of old clothes so i can get new ones and i need to make a list of stuff i need/want/have to get.
so i figure, i shall spend thursday doing all of that. it's not like i have much choice anyway. friday might be spent with the Usuals :D i miss you guys already. LAN? :) hee. sorry i'm such a tomboy.
and i thank God.
and Lord, i love You.
and today i realised that a perpetual honeymoon is virtually impossible. but then again, with God all things are possible. right? but i thank God (again) that things are okay. at least i think they're okay. i'm not really sure. damn all these insecurities. but i trust in him and in Him. so yes, everything's cool.
SHE-ANNA! i date you in two years for yet another chowder in the pantry meal ok? :D i love you muchaloo. and thank you for being there when i was a lil down and confused:) my lesbian partner for life la, you.
QUEKS! thank you, dear, for standing by me when i was in the pits today. granted, it was a simple message but it meant so much to me to know that i had at least you, if no one else, who still thinks i'm worth a thought :) vaness quek, you are one
and in retrospect, i've been tired the whole week.
goodnight and farewell, my friends and my love.
Grace ♥ 1:54 p.d.
e mërkurë, 14 nëntor 2007
you don't know. do you?
nah. you don't.
nah. you don't.
Grace ♥ 8:27 m.d.
ok ok and ok.
QUEKS! if we wanna go to haji lane you need to wake up early! cos i have music practice for metamorphosis from 5-7pm. AAHHH!!!! which also means that you cannot sleep at 6am. heh. so how? how how how how how how how how??
and speaking in all degrees of honesty, i'm feeling blue. and i don't know why. and i don't like feeling blue for no apparent reason cos it is a very loser-thing. yawp.
but i digress. there's AFTA in a lil while and my hair is still dripping wet and my eye bags are humongous they could palpitate and implode and/or explode. sigh.
i'll tell you how my day goes later. and i need to do my nails.
numbingly. weirdly. unknowingly.
QUEKS! if we wanna go to haji lane you need to wake up early! cos i have music practice for metamorphosis from 5-7pm. AAHHH!!!! which also means that you cannot sleep at 6am. heh. so how? how how how how how how how how??
and speaking in all degrees of honesty, i'm feeling blue. and i don't know why. and i don't like feeling blue for no apparent reason cos it is a very loser-thing. yawp.
but i digress. there's AFTA in a lil while and my hair is still dripping wet and my eye bags are humongous they could palpitate and implode and/or explode. sigh.
i'll tell you how my day goes later. and i need to do my nails.
numbingly. weirdly. unknowingly.
pained.
Grace ♥ 9:46 p.d.
e martë, 13 nëntor 2007
i scrapped my initial plans of wanting to stay home. i actually woke up early today. which meant that i had too much time in the morning at home, and SO, i went completely bonkers. daddy thought i was depressed and asked if i wanted to talk to p.mark. HAHAHHAHA. yah. staying at home makes me -that- crazy.
daddy dragged me out of the house to have lunch with the grandparents but i just couldn't bring myself to talk and look happy. and for some reason i felt utterly miserable. and i don't even know why. (no, its not PMS)
after lunch daddy needed to get stuff from parkway so i just accompanied him but i ditched him halfway to go window shop. i didn't even feel like shopping, can you believe that? so yeah at about 2? i left parkway to go get the concession pass thing from bedok interchange and mrt-ed down to pasir ris in search of some solace at pasir ris park and it's natural beauty and it's manmade swings and in the comfort of delicious and my BFF :DDD
and i went to the library at white sands too :) got myself a robin cook book, a ruth rendell book and two shakespeares (king lear and R&J).. ahhhhh... bookdom :D so now i have those four books plus two john grishams. i'll be bookworming a bit these few days.
sorry for imposing myself on you, darling :) and thank you for allowing my to impose on you and not look like you were imposed on at all. you gave up your day for me and i totally appreciate it and have i told you that i love you? well yes, i do. i love you alot :D
oh, for the record, i climbed up the spider web thing. FINALLY. haha. it took me sixteen years to climb up that pole and red rope. i'm sucha loser. and i needed help. HAHAHAHAH. i think i was too fat last time. now can la huh.
then queks and i had dinner at tampines mall where this group of 7-8 guys tried to pick me up. which was hilarious. i went to order my food so there i was standing in queue and suddenly i spot this group of boys walking straight towards me. and this one guy looked me in the eye. being Grace Ke, the girl who smiles at strangers, i smiled. and then he flicked his chin in a lookee-i'm-so-cool manner and i just smiled again. and this "conversation" took place.
dude: excuse me miss
me: uh. yeah?
dude: can i have your number?
me: uhh.... (siao ah. want to die?) no.
dude: oh ok.
HAHAHHAHA. it was so stone i tell you. but i was very nice so i smiled again, collected my food and headed off serenely to my table before i burst into fits of laughter. poor dude. rejected in front of all of his friends. and actually he wasn't too bad looking it's just that 1) i don't give my number to strangers 2) i'm very much smitten with someone else 3) i don't do dudes with gold hair and purple laces. SORREH HUNS.
but i must admit, it was flattering. sort of. the last time a complete stranger so brazenly hit on me was early this year, so it's been awhile. it's a very ironic compliment. it makes me feel attractive but it also makes me think "what the hell. do i look that cheap to you?"
for the record, again, i was in shorts, tank top and my hair was up in a ponytail which very much resembled a feather duster. and i threw on my clothes in all of three minutes, plus, i had just spent an hour at the park swinging and running around and ignoring the swamp monster and climbing insanely high poles with red ropes. PLUS i was sweaty a bit.
okay ya, then queks and i had our dinner and then we window shopped in lazy mode (as in browse through racks, didn't even bother trying anything on) and then we spent half an hour looking for ice cream then i'm home and tired.
today was a silent day, sleepy day, it started off way bad, but got progressively better :)
thank you my loves :D
so yes, anyways, AFTA (hee funny name) tomorrow at 10.45am. let's just pray i wake up in time.
and then thursday is haji lane with BFF and poolparty with the schoolies at night
and then friday is ???
and then saturday is practice, leaders, service, dinner
and then sunday is service, lunch, dance, studio
and then monday is meta
and then tuesday is meta
and then wednesday (HANIES! ZAZA! KAIWEN! JUZAN!)
and then thursday is ???
and then friday is ???
and then saturday is cell outing/overnight
and then sunday is service, lunch, dance, studio
and then monday is ???
and then sayonara, it's tuesday and i'm off to taiwan.
and i'm off to do stuff (like kill more sims) then sleep. cherah!
daddy dragged me out of the house to have lunch with the grandparents but i just couldn't bring myself to talk and look happy. and for some reason i felt utterly miserable. and i don't even know why. (no, its not PMS)
after lunch daddy needed to get stuff from parkway so i just accompanied him but i ditched him halfway to go window shop. i didn't even feel like shopping, can you believe that? so yeah at about 2? i left parkway to go get the concession pass thing from bedok interchange and mrt-ed down to pasir ris in search of some solace at pasir ris park and it's natural beauty and it's manmade swings and in the comfort of delicious and my BFF :DDD
and i went to the library at white sands too :) got myself a robin cook book, a ruth rendell book and two shakespeares (king lear and R&J).. ahhhhh... bookdom :D so now i have those four books plus two john grishams. i'll be bookworming a bit these few days.
sorry for imposing myself on you, darling :) and thank you for allowing my to impose on you and not look like you were imposed on at all. you gave up your day for me and i totally appreciate it and have i told you that i love you? well yes, i do. i love you alot :D
oh, for the record, i climbed up the spider web thing. FINALLY. haha. it took me sixteen years to climb up that pole and red rope. i'm sucha loser. and i needed help. HAHAHAHAH. i think i was too fat last time. now can la huh.
then queks and i had dinner at tampines mall where this group of 7-8 guys tried to pick me up. which was hilarious. i went to order my food so there i was standing in queue and suddenly i spot this group of boys walking straight towards me. and this one guy looked me in the eye. being Grace Ke, the girl who smiles at strangers, i smiled. and then he flicked his chin in a lookee-i'm-so-cool manner and i just smiled again. and this "conversation" took place.
dude: excuse me miss
me: uh. yeah?
dude: can i have your number?
me: uhh.... (siao ah. want to die?) no.
dude: oh ok.
HAHAHHAHA. it was so stone i tell you. but i was very nice so i smiled again, collected my food and headed off serenely to my table before i burst into fits of laughter. poor dude. rejected in front of all of his friends. and actually he wasn't too bad looking it's just that 1) i don't give my number to strangers 2) i'm very much smitten with someone else 3) i don't do dudes with gold hair and purple laces. SORREH HUNS.
but i must admit, it was flattering. sort of. the last time a complete stranger so brazenly hit on me was early this year, so it's been awhile. it's a very ironic compliment. it makes me feel attractive but it also makes me think "what the hell. do i look that cheap to you?"
for the record, again, i was in shorts, tank top and my hair was up in a ponytail which very much resembled a feather duster. and i threw on my clothes in all of three minutes, plus, i had just spent an hour at the park swinging and running around and ignoring the swamp monster and climbing insanely high poles with red ropes. PLUS i was sweaty a bit.
okay ya, then queks and i had our dinner and then we window shopped in lazy mode (as in browse through racks, didn't even bother trying anything on) and then we spent half an hour looking for ice cream then i'm home and tired.
today was a silent day, sleepy day, it started off way bad, but got progressively better :)
thank you my loves :D
so yes, anyways, AFTA (hee funny name) tomorrow at 10.45am. let's just pray i wake up in time.
and then thursday is haji lane with BFF and poolparty with the schoolies at night
and then friday is ???
and then saturday is practice, leaders, service, dinner
and then sunday is service, lunch, dance, studio
and then monday is meta
and then tuesday is meta
and then wednesday (HANIES! ZAZA! KAIWEN! JUZAN!)
and then thursday is ???
and then friday is ???
and then saturday is cell outing/overnight
and then sunday is service, lunch, dance, studio
and then monday is ???
and then sayonara, it's tuesday and i'm off to taiwan.
and i'm off to do stuff (like kill more sims) then sleep. cherah!
Grace ♥ 10:17 m.d.
just a little nugget to chew on. politically correct or no, its worth a think or two.
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
cool huh? so the very cell kids i'm serving now may just be The Next Big Thing, and i wouldn't even know it. and i may just be someone famous or useful in the future :) life is as such with God's surprises and all...
Remember:
Amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question: If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
cool huh? so the very cell kids i'm serving now may just be The Next Big Thing, and i wouldn't even know it. and i may just be someone famous or useful in the future :) life is as such with God's surprises and all...
Remember:
Amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic.
Grace ♥ 12:23 p.d.
e hënë, 12 nëntor 2007
okay wokay dokay hello loves :D
i got back from the class meet-up at about 10ish. t'was great fun :) anyway, i TOTALLY wasted the whole of today. did NOT pack up the room, did NOT plan the cell outing, did NOT meet up with the Missed.. AAAAHHHH!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS MUCH LONGER! i'd actually (someone kill me for saying this please) rather be studying.
oh good God, i have gone crazy, please save me Lord.
so anyway, i had breakfast with daddy at 8am. WHICH IS TOTALLY INSANE COS UNCLE I SLEPT AT 3A.M. SO WHY ON EARTH DID YOU WAKE ME UP AT 8??!?!?
and then after breakfast i simply rotted at home. and there was nothing nice on teevo, so i spent my time killing sims and helping them make babies or turn lesbian.
okay, so i'm a little morbid.
i 31-ed down to school to meet the people but apparently they decided to meet later instead, so i went with hanies and lina to get hanies' forward helix pierced at parkway. and there were these boys who were beyond annoying and vaguely good looking and they were st. patricians. but honestly, i wanted to punch them. SHUT UP LA MORONS. remind me never to send my sons to a boys' school ok?
then we headed to bedok mrt to meet ezzy, kiathuei and maria. the rest of the people were already on the train so we met eliz, karwai, daryl, peng, wes, zhao, yuxiang, jasper, yujun when we got to the last cabin. and at cityhall we met up with gino, daniel and serena :D
so that makes 17 of us and we all trooped down to marina bay for dinner. and i ate although i swore not to. and that now makes me feel MEGA fat and this time i can't say it was the period cos it just ended. so yes, okay. I FEEL FAT. i am now 49kg. for the record, i was 47kg just last thursday. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW...........
sick sick sick.
and during dinner everyone was cooking at the same time and it felt like family :) i'll miss you guys like nuts. we MUST have our sentosa outing and we MUST have our chalet/BBQ thing.
and during dinner we talked about our dead ministers and the dying ministers and also words with sexual connotations such as "majulah singapura". hahahahahah. morbid morons :D
JP messaged me today. which was beyond weird. and actually, i'd really rather not talk to him cos he creeps me out. very freaky la. very freaky. not a comfortable feeling at all.
oh! the journey home t'was scary lots cos it was dark and i was surrounded with people people people. yuck. i hate crowds. i thank God cos he was on the phone with me the whole time so i felt safer.
and i was on 135 and i think (think think think) that andrew chew was just sitting beside me. HAHAHAHAH. he's not as goodlooking now as he was back then in his heyday. he used to be sizzling hot and stuff. and now he's just like, oh, okay ya whatever. hahahahaha.
randomly speaking, i miss salihin. who is now very skinny and has a girlfriend and i don't think he bowls anymore.
okay, i really have no life. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!!! everyone's working so i have no more friends. ahhahaha. and when they're not working, i have no time. oh boo. i hate this. i need something productive to do.
monday's over, thank God. and now tomorrow's a total blank. i can't kill anymore sims or the sims court of justice will hang me upside down and cut off my head using a butter knife. and wednesday there's that AFTA thing. and thursday's a blank and friday's a blank. OH GOD I AM SO BORING. I BORE MYSELF. and after this i still have one more week of nothingness to go. what the hell. and i don't even get to see him anymore cos of various reasons. shit.
okay ya. i'm off. i've babbled enough and i'm bored. and fat. bored and fat. bored and fat. what a disgusting combination.
_ ____ ___, ___ _ ____ ___ ____. ____ ___ _ ___ ___ _____? ____ ___ _ ____ ____ _____, ____ ____ _____, ____ ____ ____? _ ____ ___ _ ____ ___ _ ____ ___.. ____ __ _____ :D
i got back from the class meet-up at about 10ish. t'was great fun :) anyway, i TOTALLY wasted the whole of today. did NOT pack up the room, did NOT plan the cell outing, did NOT meet up with the Missed.. AAAAHHHH!!! I CAN'T STAND THIS MUCH LONGER! i'd actually (someone kill me for saying this please) rather be studying.
oh good God, i have gone crazy, please save me Lord.
so anyway, i had breakfast with daddy at 8am. WHICH IS TOTALLY INSANE COS UNCLE I SLEPT AT 3A.M. SO WHY ON EARTH DID YOU WAKE ME UP AT 8??!?!?
and then after breakfast i simply rotted at home. and there was nothing nice on teevo, so i spent my time killing sims and helping them make babies or turn lesbian.
okay, so i'm a little morbid.
i 31-ed down to school to meet the people but apparently they decided to meet later instead, so i went with hanies and lina to get hanies' forward helix pierced at parkway. and there were these boys who were beyond annoying and vaguely good looking and they were st. patricians. but honestly, i wanted to punch them. SHUT UP LA MORONS. remind me never to send my sons to a boys' school ok?
then we headed to bedok mrt to meet ezzy, kiathuei and maria. the rest of the people were already on the train so we met eliz, karwai, daryl, peng, wes, zhao, yuxiang, jasper, yujun when we got to the last cabin. and at cityhall we met up with gino, daniel and serena :D
so that makes 17 of us and we all trooped down to marina bay for dinner. and i ate although i swore not to. and that now makes me feel MEGA fat and this time i can't say it was the period cos it just ended. so yes, okay. I FEEL FAT. i am now 49kg. for the record, i was 47kg just last thursday. EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW...........
sick sick sick.
and during dinner everyone was cooking at the same time and it felt like family :) i'll miss you guys like nuts. we MUST have our sentosa outing and we MUST have our chalet/BBQ thing.
and during dinner we talked about our dead ministers and the dying ministers and also words with sexual connotations such as "majulah singapura". hahahahahah. morbid morons :D
JP messaged me today. which was beyond weird. and actually, i'd really rather not talk to him cos he creeps me out. very freaky la. very freaky. not a comfortable feeling at all.
oh! the journey home t'was scary lots cos it was dark and i was surrounded with people people people. yuck. i hate crowds. i thank God cos he was on the phone with me the whole time so i felt safer.
and i was on 135 and i think (think think think) that andrew chew was just sitting beside me. HAHAHAHAH. he's not as goodlooking now as he was back then in his heyday. he used to be sizzling hot and stuff. and now he's just like, oh, okay ya whatever. hahahahaha.
randomly speaking, i miss salihin. who is now very skinny and has a girlfriend and i don't think he bowls anymore.
okay, i really have no life. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!!! everyone's working so i have no more friends. ahhahaha. and when they're not working, i have no time. oh boo. i hate this. i need something productive to do.
monday's over, thank God. and now tomorrow's a total blank. i can't kill anymore sims or the sims court of justice will hang me upside down and cut off my head using a butter knife. and wednesday there's that AFTA thing. and thursday's a blank and friday's a blank. OH GOD I AM SO BORING. I BORE MYSELF. and after this i still have one more week of nothingness to go. what the hell. and i don't even get to see him anymore cos of various reasons. shit.
okay ya. i'm off. i've babbled enough and i'm bored. and fat. bored and fat. bored and fat. what a disgusting combination.
_ ____ ___, ___ _ ____ ___ ____. ____ ___ _ ___ ___ _____? ____ ___ _ ____ ____ _____, ____ ____ _____, ____ ____ ____? _ ____ ___ _ ____ ___ _ ____ ___.. ____ __ _____ :D
Grace ♥ 11:29 m.d.
:) and i'm a busy fattish bumble bee.
i'm going to go into my room and attempt cleaning it up although i seriously doubt i'd get anything done. HAHAHAHAH. okay yes. grace, go.
- AFTA [14th nov]
- meta music practice [??? nov]
- metamorphosis camp [19-20th nov]
- cell over night [24-25th nov]
- tai-cheena-biang-wan [27th nov-2nd dec]
- YM camp [4-7th dec]
- CFFF [15th dec]
- YA camp [17-20th dec]
- christmas party [???dec]
- grandma tampines' birthday/ family christmas celebration [25th dec]
i'm going to go into my room and attempt cleaning it up although i seriously doubt i'd get anything done. HAHAHAHAH. okay yes. grace, go.
Grace ♥ 1:19 m.d.
and hello avid readers of gracekey.blogspot.com
(and there's a loud reply from all 2 of you!!)
well okay, admittedly, my perspective on life has changed since i blogged on friday (happy post. not the poem one) and yeah, the thing that happen shall not be discussed here or with random people because its a private issue. okay yes. i have issues too. happy?
ha.ha.
the past few services (YM, YA and today's) have been filled with things about faith, God having a plan higher than mine, me not being able to understand His plans, trusting in Him and stuff. and i honestly do trust in God and i honestly do believe. but i also know that many times, His ways are different. and many times, when His ways are different, they hurt like hell.
if i could have life MY way, i'd get L1R4 of 5 points, TP CMM would beg me to go to their course and give me a guaranteed scholarship to NTU mass comm. and i'll get a job which will pay well and which will also be my passion and which will also contribute to the Kingdom of God. and in 2009, i'll have a specific boyfriend and in 2015, me and that specific boyfriend will then say "i do" and get married. and then in about, 2018, me and that specific husband would have kids and then i'd be the best wife ever, never nagging, never scolding, always there for my husband and always doing the household chores good and proper. and i'd be dman good in bed so he'd never get bored. hahahaha. and i'd be the perfect mummy. loving, endearing, not naggy, firm but gentle, cool, funky, understand my kids, love-love relationship and not love-hate. my family would be perfect. we would actually enjoy spending time together and we'll spend tonnes of time together, but we'll also have fun independent lives. we'd be rich! nice house, dream cars, good food, gorgeous clothes, own gym, own jamming studio, own pool etc. and then the entire family will look mega drop dead gorgeous. when we strut down the streets people will be gawking at all 4 or 6 of us. and then when the kids finally marry and get their asses out of the house, we'll still be close and "family" wouldn't just be reunion dinners. OH! and we'd ALWAYS celebrate zhong qiu jie :D and the whole family will actively serve God and love Him. and the kids wouldn't hate me or their daddy and my specific husband and i will still be passionately and romantically in love, even at the age on 83. and the grand kids will be the cutest things ever and then my specific husband and i can be rich enough to retire in absolute luxury. and then my husband and i will die together in our sleep so we'll both wake up in heaven together at the same time and no one has to mourn over the other.
that's if i had life MY way. i still hope that i have life my way. but i pray that God's way and my way will be the same! hahahahah. wah, then life would be bliss.
but really. all i need in life now is:
a vibrant walk with God and a closeness that holds forever
my BFF and the group of friends who keep me (in)sane
a family. a REAL family.
my Love :) YA LA, THAT ONE.
my ministries: the cell and the worship team
healthy, growing, revived YM/YA
clothes enough to keep me entertained and a healthy, fit body
with all those, life would be beyond good already.
okay yes, enough babble.
i went for YA on saturday and t'was good :) i highly suspect that i might just click my ruby heels three times and find myself in via's cell. which is cool :) she's be a crazy cell leader. hahaha. we'll see we'll see... and today we headed down to the airport for dinner/stare at airplanes. i left at 9.20 being the ultimate goody-two-shoes-with-the-freedom-of-a-hamster that i am. ahhaha. i have no life. i hate this freedomlessness but yeah whatever, i can't do anything about it cos life's circumstance is as such. and i have parents who are so conservatively unconservative. its so retarded i tell you. BUT BUT BUT BUT!!! i had fun today :)
okay, off i go to e-mail shaun (happy birthday, by the way) and then plan for the cell outing then i'm going to SLEEP.
good bye world.
i'm still praying like kee siao like that.
cos i need you that way. i really do.
(and there's a loud reply from all 2 of you!!)
well okay, admittedly, my perspective on life has changed since i blogged on friday (happy post. not the poem one) and yeah, the thing that happen shall not be discussed here or with random people because its a private issue. okay yes. i have issues too. happy?
ha.ha.
the past few services (YM, YA and today's) have been filled with things about faith, God having a plan higher than mine, me not being able to understand His plans, trusting in Him and stuff. and i honestly do trust in God and i honestly do believe. but i also know that many times, His ways are different. and many times, when His ways are different, they hurt like hell.
if i could have life MY way, i'd get L1R4 of 5 points, TP CMM would beg me to go to their course and give me a guaranteed scholarship to NTU mass comm. and i'll get a job which will pay well and which will also be my passion and which will also contribute to the Kingdom of God. and in 2009, i'll have a specific boyfriend and in 2015, me and that specific boyfriend will then say "i do" and get married. and then in about, 2018, me and that specific husband would have kids and then i'd be the best wife ever, never nagging, never scolding, always there for my husband and always doing the household chores good and proper. and i'd be dman good in bed so he'd never get bored. hahahaha. and i'd be the perfect mummy. loving, endearing, not naggy, firm but gentle, cool, funky, understand my kids, love-love relationship and not love-hate. my family would be perfect. we would actually enjoy spending time together and we'll spend tonnes of time together, but we'll also have fun independent lives. we'd be rich! nice house, dream cars, good food, gorgeous clothes, own gym, own jamming studio, own pool etc. and then the entire family will look mega drop dead gorgeous. when we strut down the streets people will be gawking at all 4 or 6 of us. and then when the kids finally marry and get their asses out of the house, we'll still be close and "family" wouldn't just be reunion dinners. OH! and we'd ALWAYS celebrate zhong qiu jie :D and the whole family will actively serve God and love Him. and the kids wouldn't hate me or their daddy and my specific husband and i will still be passionately and romantically in love, even at the age on 83. and the grand kids will be the cutest things ever and then my specific husband and i can be rich enough to retire in absolute luxury. and then my husband and i will die together in our sleep so we'll both wake up in heaven together at the same time and no one has to mourn over the other.
that's if i had life MY way. i still hope that i have life my way. but i pray that God's way and my way will be the same! hahahahah. wah, then life would be bliss.
but really. all i need in life now is:
a vibrant walk with God and a closeness that holds forever
my BFF and the group of friends who keep me (in)sane
a family. a REAL family.
my Love :) YA LA, THAT ONE.
my ministries: the cell and the worship team
healthy, growing, revived YM/YA
clothes enough to keep me entertained and a healthy, fit body
with all those, life would be beyond good already.
okay yes, enough babble.
i went for YA on saturday and t'was good :) i highly suspect that i might just click my ruby heels three times and find myself in via's cell. which is cool :) she's be a crazy cell leader. hahaha. we'll see we'll see... and today we headed down to the airport for dinner/stare at airplanes. i left at 9.20 being the ultimate goody-two-shoes-with-the-freedom-of-a-hamster that i am. ahhaha. i have no life. i hate this freedomlessness but yeah whatever, i can't do anything about it cos life's circumstance is as such. and i have parents who are so conservatively unconservative. its so retarded i tell you. BUT BUT BUT BUT!!! i had fun today :)
okay, off i go to e-mail shaun (happy birthday, by the way) and then plan for the cell outing then i'm going to SLEEP.
good bye world.
i'm still praying like kee siao like that.
cos i need you that way. i really do.
Grace ♥ 1:13 p.d.
e premte, 9 nëntor 2007
assuredly Yours, the song i once sang
my life in Your hands, that's what i had meant
but Lord its so hard to let go of this
the life i once thought would bring only bliss
Lord, i won't lie and say i am all right
the truth, You would know, i'm dying inside
Your hand, please hold tight, do not let me go
i can't live without You, You're my only hope
suddenly it seems like the future is grim
watching this parody, it feels like a sin
Lord, take this in Your hands, before Your throne
and someday i'll amble, i'll find my way home
the pain, it is throbbing, but it'll fade someday
i did say to You, Lord, come what come may
i know that Your plans, they are like no other
cos' You, alone, are my Heavenly Father
i'll still smile, still worship, still praise Your name
i'll still spread Your love, and widen Your fame
because God, You're worthy, every time
i'll stick with You, and Your love infinite.
my life in Your hands, that's what i had meant
but Lord its so hard to let go of this
the life i once thought would bring only bliss
Lord, i won't lie and say i am all right
the truth, You would know, i'm dying inside
Your hand, please hold tight, do not let me go
i can't live without You, You're my only hope
suddenly it seems like the future is grim
watching this parody, it feels like a sin
Lord, take this in Your hands, before Your throne
and someday i'll amble, i'll find my way home
the pain, it is throbbing, but it'll fade someday
i did say to You, Lord, come what come may
i know that Your plans, they are like no other
cos' You, alone, are my Heavenly Father
i'll still smile, still worship, still praise Your name
i'll still spread Your love, and widen Your fame
because God, You're worthy, every time
i'll stick with You, and Your love infinite.
dear God, this is so unbearable. but i know You have perfect plans for me. for my future. and that everything happens for a reason. i don't know how else to praise You, but i will. i don't know how else to say that i still love You and that i won't turn my back on You no matter what. the times ahead are going to be tough. but i know You've got my back even when no one else can. Lord, i WILL love You. until the end of time. i love You, amen.
at least i still can write poems.
Grace ♥ 3:38 m.d.
i am having one of those i-hate-having-a-tan moments because:
A. my nose feels weird when i yawn
B. it hurts to rub my face with a towel
C. and of course, it leaves you pining for more
i thank God for my (sort of) tan.
randomly speaking, i miss the swamp monster.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
i am a little deranged and/or disillusioned.
okay, here's the deal. I HAVE ABSO-FRIGGIN'-LUTELY NOTHING TO DO!!! which is a bitter-sweet feeling. on one hand, i love it that i have nothing to do and can waste my time away, but on the other, i hate it that i am wasting away.
i need to tone up/lose just a lil more weight, then i REALLY need to hit the shops! i'm into this thing about dresses. its so easy you know? just pull on a dress and shoes/flip flops and i'm outta the house in a flash, lookin' good to boot. so you see, dresses have that sort of an advantage. i want summer dresses, going out dresses, dresses for fun blah blah blah. i need to shop shop shop but why is it that NOW, when i can shop, all the shops are going into winter wear?!?!?!?! HELLO! WE LIVE IN SINGAPORE HERE!! WE NEED ALL YEAR ROUND SUMMER CLOTHES OKAY? i used to really want to have four seasons. but now i've realized that there's no way i'm going to get four seasons, and so i shall just make sure that i fully utilize our one-season-ness.
i don't know what to do today. i feel so absolutely stupid.
i could devote my time to running and doing crunches and sissy push-ups. and i can spend my time counting and re-counting the nine (or is it ten?) weird bug bites on my once was okay-looking-now-is-uber-hideous feet.
OR, more sensibly, i could go LAN with the boys :) hahaha. i'm such a tomboy sometimes. but technically, me in DOTA simply means they have one mega easy-to-pawn head. haha..
oh, i am having a colossal headache. i'm feeling slightly miserable due to the period, the headache, the weird bug bites and period induced back ache. I AM ACHING LIKE A OLD WIZENED PRUNE OF AND OLD WIZENED OLD WOMAN!!!!!!!!! puke puke puke. grossness. this is what they call collateral damage. days like this make me wish i had a penis and was coerced into NS.
TOO BAD GRACIEKINS. you're female through and through. but then again, being female means i can wear dresses :))))))))))))))))))) which makes up for everything. hahahah... and and we have more exciting shops and clothes.
no, but honestly, if God gave me a choice, i wouldn't want my life to have turned out any other way.
so my life isn't perfect. so i'm 16 but have a 10pm curfew (yes, it's true. go ahead, mock me, rub it in. i'm quite over it.) so i've screwed up some times. so i'll continue screwing up some times. but hey! life's pretty swell :)
i've got the bestest BFF anyone could ever ask for :DDDDD
i've got an absolutely manic group of close-ies :)
i've got the bestest boy on hold, for me :))))))
my family's intact. granted, slightly dysfunctional. but still.
i've got a relatively healthy cell.
i'll admit that i'm not obese and am actually not entirely hideous.
i've got an awesome God :DDDDDDD
i'm not totally brainless.
i've got talents. few, but still talents.
my parents aren't entirely broke.
i'm going to TaiWan.
i'm having my holidays!
CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!! :DDD
and truthfully speaking, i'm very much in love :)
so life does not suck for me. it ain't perfect but i've got to say that i have things pretty okay. kinda good in fact. i'm so rich in relationships with people. love, is the simpler profound word for that. and love is what the world lives for, searches for, pines for, dies for. and here i am, loved like it's nobody's business. (cos technically, it is nobody's business.)
to all the people who love me, I LOVE YOU. and thank you all for the loving :)
and thank You, Lord for everything. but most of all, i thank You, Lord for love. and You, my King, are the greatest love of all. the mother (or in this case, Father) of all love. i love you.
now i know what do-nothing time is used for.
it's used for counting my blessings.
excuse me while i get my calculator.
A. my nose feels weird when i yawn
B. it hurts to rub my face with a towel
C. and of course, it leaves you pining for more
i thank God for my (sort of) tan.
randomly speaking, i miss the swamp monster.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
i am a little deranged and/or disillusioned.
okay, here's the deal. I HAVE ABSO-FRIGGIN'-LUTELY NOTHING TO DO!!! which is a bitter-sweet feeling. on one hand, i love it that i have nothing to do and can waste my time away, but on the other, i hate it that i am wasting away.
i need to tone up/lose just a lil more weight, then i REALLY need to hit the shops! i'm into this thing about dresses. its so easy you know? just pull on a dress and shoes/flip flops and i'm outta the house in a flash, lookin' good to boot. so you see, dresses have that sort of an advantage. i want summer dresses, going out dresses, dresses for fun blah blah blah. i need to shop shop shop but why is it that NOW, when i can shop, all the shops are going into winter wear?!?!?!?! HELLO! WE LIVE IN SINGAPORE HERE!! WE NEED ALL YEAR ROUND SUMMER CLOTHES OKAY? i used to really want to have four seasons. but now i've realized that there's no way i'm going to get four seasons, and so i shall just make sure that i fully utilize our one-season-ness.
i don't know what to do today. i feel so absolutely stupid.
i could devote my time to running and doing crunches and sissy push-ups. and i can spend my time counting and re-counting the nine (or is it ten?) weird bug bites on my once was okay-looking-now-is-uber-hideous feet.
OR, more sensibly, i could go LAN with the boys :) hahaha. i'm such a tomboy sometimes. but technically, me in DOTA simply means they have one mega easy-to-pawn head. haha..
oh, i am having a colossal headache. i'm feeling slightly miserable due to the period, the headache, the weird bug bites and period induced back ache. I AM ACHING LIKE A OLD WIZENED PRUNE OF AND OLD WIZENED OLD WOMAN!!!!!!!!! puke puke puke. grossness. this is what they call collateral damage. days like this make me wish i had a penis and was coerced into NS.
TOO BAD GRACIEKINS. you're female through and through. but then again, being female means i can wear dresses :))))))))))))))))))) which makes up for everything. hahahah... and and we have more exciting shops and clothes.
no, but honestly, if God gave me a choice, i wouldn't want my life to have turned out any other way.
so my life isn't perfect. so i'm 16 but have a 10pm curfew (yes, it's true. go ahead, mock me, rub it in. i'm quite over it.) so i've screwed up some times. so i'll continue screwing up some times. but hey! life's pretty swell :)
i've got the bestest BFF anyone could ever ask for :DDDDD
i've got an absolutely manic group of close-ies :)
i've got the bestest boy on hold, for me :))))))
my family's intact. granted, slightly dysfunctional. but still.
i've got a relatively healthy cell.
i'll admit that i'm not obese and am actually not entirely hideous.
i've got an awesome God :DDDDDDD
i'm not totally brainless.
i've got talents. few, but still talents.
my parents aren't entirely broke.
i'm going to TaiWan.
i'm having my holidays!
CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!!!! :DDD
and truthfully speaking, i'm very much in love :)
so life does not suck for me. it ain't perfect but i've got to say that i have things pretty okay. kinda good in fact. i'm so rich in relationships with people. love, is the simpler profound word for that. and love is what the world lives for, searches for, pines for, dies for. and here i am, loved like it's nobody's business. (cos technically, it is nobody's business.)
to all the people who love me, I LOVE YOU. and thank you all for the loving :)
and thank You, Lord for everything. but most of all, i thank You, Lord for love. and You, my King, are the greatest love of all. the mother (or in this case, Father) of all love. i love you.
now i know what do-nothing time is used for.
it's used for counting my blessings.
excuse me while i get my calculator.
Grace ♥ 1:25 m.d.
e enjte, 8 nëntor 2007
sentosa today :D
i sprang up at 7.30 A.M. and pranced around. then i gave Queks a wake up call. and then i suddenly felt very drained so i fell back into bed and didn't wake up till i don't know what time. rush rush and had a nice lil' sleepy train ride and then we were the earliest. hahah.
we popped by starbucks cos i needed coffee to wake up and he felt like spending money. what kind of reason is that?!??! "i feel like spending money." SIAO AH. you can give me a blank check :) walk walk walk then ended up at top man, sean came too, then walk walk walk then end up at dunno where then char came then we began waiting around and being stupid for two hours and we finally gathered a group of eleven and went off to the beach :)))
the sun played hide-and-seek with us today. but i got a lil bit of a tan/burn. more red than tanned, actually.
so sentosa today was:
-tanning
-reading
-basket ball
-volley ball
-sitting around and talking
-digging holes
-burying aiken
-being ogled at by ____
-staring at ____
fun, all in all :) we should do something like this again next week. but it's so tiring. surprisingly, tiring. carl's jr for dinner, as usual :) haha. and then most of us left cos we were all so spent. a good day normally leaves me spent. like today.
but yeah. i got home and my day was ruined. abso-friggin'-lutely ruined. it's amazing what a simple phone call can do. it's true when they say your tongue holds great power, to kill, to destroy, to hurt, to tear down, to manipulate, to wreck, to conquer.
the tone of your voice killed me.
you don't even know.
the way you speak, the words you use.
i'm a lit student, diction and tone is everything to me.
i analyze stuff like that. i was born to do it. don't you see?
somehow, nothing i ever do can satisfy you.
and so now, you realize, i don't even bother.
i'm too tired. too used. too numbed.
to care. to bother. to try.
i still love you.
but it really seems that this. is. not. working. out.
i hate it.
this ain't the way i imagined love to be.
if this is love, when i get married, i won't have kids.
as much as i love them.
cos if this is the result, it's not worth the crap.
screaming out my anger, screaming out my pain.
yelling in the silence, death in the wind vane.
thank you BFF and chuan.
;) i'll be ok. as always.
and one last thing.
i love you (s).
[/edit]
and on a side note, it's 12.30A.M. now, i'm done transposing stuff and i'm in the middle of packing up my blasted room. i did NOT realize that it was this retarded and yeah okay, i'm tired. but i can't stop half way cos then my room would just look ridiculous.
i think i'm going to be nice and am actually going to wake up early tomorrow (or today, to be specific) and i'll actually go for breakfast with the father 1) to save ka-chings 2) to be nice and give him a chance to apologise (he'll NEVER apologise. he has never done so in all my life. he's too proud. DAMN MALE STINKIN' PRIDE.)
i'm still pissed. slightly. but i'm not one to hold a grudge.
OH!! and i am completely (almost) agenda-less for tomorrow :(((((((((( such a waste of a brilliant week. i think i'll grab John Grisham by the brain stem and sit him with me by the poolside with soft Nat King Cole in my ears.
OH!!! and i have a date with the class next week :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i can't wait! i miss the fools already. dinner and then a day at the park :D how apt and totally brainless.
OH!!!!! and i have i mentioned? i hate cleaning up my room.
i sprang up at 7.30 A.M. and pranced around. then i gave Queks a wake up call. and then i suddenly felt very drained so i fell back into bed and didn't wake up till i don't know what time. rush rush and had a nice lil' sleepy train ride and then we were the earliest. hahah.
we popped by starbucks cos i needed coffee to wake up and he felt like spending money. what kind of reason is that?!??! "i feel like spending money." SIAO AH. you can give me a blank check :) walk walk walk then ended up at top man, sean came too, then walk walk walk then end up at dunno where then char came then we began waiting around and being stupid for two hours and we finally gathered a group of eleven and went off to the beach :)))
the sun played hide-and-seek with us today. but i got a lil bit of a tan/burn. more red than tanned, actually.
so sentosa today was:
-tanning
-reading
-basket ball
-volley ball
-sitting around and talking
-digging holes
-burying aiken
-being ogled at by ____
-staring at ____
fun, all in all :) we should do something like this again next week. but it's so tiring. surprisingly, tiring. carl's jr for dinner, as usual :) haha. and then most of us left cos we were all so spent. a good day normally leaves me spent. like today.
but yeah. i got home and my day was ruined. abso-friggin'-lutely ruined. it's amazing what a simple phone call can do. it's true when they say your tongue holds great power, to kill, to destroy, to hurt, to tear down, to manipulate, to wreck, to conquer.
the tone of your voice killed me.
you don't even know.
the way you speak, the words you use.
i'm a lit student, diction and tone is everything to me.
i analyze stuff like that. i was born to do it. don't you see?
somehow, nothing i ever do can satisfy you.
and so now, you realize, i don't even bother.
i'm too tired. too used. too numbed.
to care. to bother. to try.
i still love you.
but it really seems that this. is. not. working. out.
i hate it.
this ain't the way i imagined love to be.
if this is love, when i get married, i won't have kids.
as much as i love them.
cos if this is the result, it's not worth the crap.
screaming out my anger, screaming out my pain.
yelling in the silence, death in the wind vane.
thank you BFF and chuan.
;) i'll be ok. as always.
and one last thing.
i love you (s).
[/edit]
and on a side note, it's 12.30A.M. now, i'm done transposing stuff and i'm in the middle of packing up my blasted room. i did NOT realize that it was this retarded and yeah okay, i'm tired. but i can't stop half way cos then my room would just look ridiculous.
i think i'm going to be nice and am actually going to wake up early tomorrow (or today, to be specific) and i'll actually go for breakfast with the father 1) to save ka-chings 2) to be nice and give him a chance to apologise (he'll NEVER apologise. he has never done so in all my life. he's too proud. DAMN MALE STINKIN' PRIDE.)
i'm still pissed. slightly. but i'm not one to hold a grudge.
OH!! and i am completely (almost) agenda-less for tomorrow :(((((((((( such a waste of a brilliant week. i think i'll grab John Grisham by the brain stem and sit him with me by the poolside with soft Nat King Cole in my ears.
OH!!! and i have a date with the class next week :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) i can't wait! i miss the fools already. dinner and then a day at the park :D how apt and totally brainless.
OH!!!!! and i have i mentioned? i hate cleaning up my room.
Grace ♥ 11:06 m.d.
e mërkurë, 7 nëntor 2007
hie thee hither!
yeah yeah whatever.
i fell asleep at three this morning and was woken up by daddy at eleven and he held out the house phone.
1) no on ever calls me on the house phone
2) its eleven and the phone wakes me up.
3) the person on the phone has a job interview for me
4) the interview is from 12-5
and so i called amanda, bathed, threw on some clothes and rushed off for the interview at Marina Square. i doubt i'll get the job cos i can only work for a very short span of time so not many would want to hire me. hahah. oh well, the interview was quite an experience :)
i finally made my way to town after three thousand months. and it felt weird. haha. i've lost my stamina and couldn't even shop properly.
4.20pm saw me meeting queks and sean at munchy's. donuts and movies and yodelling and piano playing and talking crap and MacDonald's :) i love you two.
i'm tired. really tired. and i still don't know what's happening tomorrow. hahaha.
:D sentosa, is all i know.
loves to all :) i'm off to do stuff. then SLEEP.
yeah yeah whatever.
i fell asleep at three this morning and was woken up by daddy at eleven and he held out the house phone.
1) no on ever calls me on the house phone
2) its eleven and the phone wakes me up.
3) the person on the phone has a job interview for me
4) the interview is from 12-5
and so i called amanda, bathed, threw on some clothes and rushed off for the interview at Marina Square. i doubt i'll get the job cos i can only work for a very short span of time so not many would want to hire me. hahah. oh well, the interview was quite an experience :)
i finally made my way to town after three thousand months. and it felt weird. haha. i've lost my stamina and couldn't even shop properly.
4.20pm saw me meeting queks and sean at munchy's. donuts and movies and yodelling and piano playing and talking crap and MacDonald's :) i love you two.
i'm tired. really tired. and i still don't know what's happening tomorrow. hahaha.
:D sentosa, is all i know.
loves to all :) i'm off to do stuff. then SLEEP.
Grace ♥ 9:20 m.d.
OH YES!!! I NEED TO ASK THIS QUESTION.
WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THURSDAY???
WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THURSDAY???
ok, i'm done asking. goodnight.
Grace ♥ 1:18 p.d.
e martë, 6 nëntor 2007
JLC sucked. mega sucked. really sucked.
i saw the paper and was laughing/crying.
a bit retarded right? a room with 6 candidates and 3 teachers in friggin' annoying high heels going clickety-click, and there i am, sobbing.
goodbye A1. i missed the times when i could confidently say you're mine. it's all over between you and me now. we're through. i just wasn't good enough for you. we weren't all that compatible. true, we were happy. but maybe it was all just one-sided affection on my part. YOU CHAUVINISTIC NINCOMPOOP! YOU WERE PLAYING ME WEREN'T YOU, YOU STUPID A1?!??! i don't even know why i bothered about you for so long, worked so hard for you, cried over you, slogged over you, stayed up all night just to see you. we're through. it's not you, it's me.
okay yes. so apparently, i'm over it. life is like that. full of shit. and shit lover's like Mr. A1.. waste of my two years. that ass.
well well. i'm liberated. so to speak. the thing is.
i feel no joy in my liberation.
when i ripped up my entry proof, it was out of anger.
when i left school. i left in tears.
when i spent my last 5 minutes in the school toilet, i wasn't hollering with jubilant shouts of glee, i was trying not to puke.
Isaac, i'm sorry to say i didn't feel the joy you described.
i'm actually looking forward to school next year. just so i can prove myself that i'm better than this. that i can do better than this. i've been beating myself up for not having worked harder. i worked hard but maybe i should've worked smart. it's this weird sense of disappointment in myself. like i could've done better. should've done better. i expected straight As, didn't i? TP CMM, i will give you a perfect GPA. and i will have so many credits and whatever crap that you will be so stunned you will give me my diploma and kick my ass off to NTU to get my degree.
insane. i've lost my senses in some ulu-ated swamp and gave my heart to the swamp monster who bounced around with me and the swamp monster ate up all the fireflies. and then the noisy frogs who were boiling water took my brains and fed it to their tadpoles. and then the fog was so thick it enveloped me in its strong strong foggy arms and carried me so somehow i find myself home and distracted.
this is what the O levels does to you. it messes with your mind, flips your emotions around, drains you and takes from you, selfishly, heartlessly. at this point of time. i'm just too tired to be happy, too exhausted to be joyous, too hollow to celebrate. am i the only one who feels this way? probably.
papers like these make me feel like a complete screw up. and when i feel like i'm a complete screw up, i go to some ulu swamp and romance the swamp monster. the swamp monster treats me WAAYYYY better than stupid Mr. A1.
when the results come out, i won't cry. i've cried too much already. my tears could actually wash Lady Macbeth's hand clean. it's more than all the perfumes of Arabia.
i'm in love with the swamp monster.
anyway, swamp monster aside, i am meeting my BFF tomorrow so everything will be alright :D i bet it will. i'm sorry you have to come over, queks :( but it's a lil' risky asking them in their current state of pissed-ness. hahahahah. I LOVE YOU!!
so my life for this week:
WEDNESDAY--clean up room, Queksie&Retardation
THURSDAY--SAND TOE SAH
FRIDAY--i don't have a clue.
and i'm playing for both nights of meta camp which means i'm going for the services. i can't wait till my parents get their asses out of Singapore than i have COMPLETE freedom. temporary, but still.... better than nothing.
okay. off i go to Mexico.
where i will meet the swamp monster.
we have a midnight rendezvous.
we will eat Swedish meatballs in Mexico.
and we will laugh so hard that i'll be slim and have abs.
then the swamp monster will piggy back me.
and then i will kiss the swamp monster.
and then i will wake up and realize that it was all a dream.
and then i will smile and be happy.
cos that's what happy noodles do.
just call me Mrs. Swamp Monster.
in everything, Lord, i give You praise.
yes, even if it lef me puking in the school toilet.
i still love You. i always will.
:) El Shaddai, Name above all others!
i saw the paper and was laughing/crying.
a bit retarded right? a room with 6 candidates and 3 teachers in friggin' annoying high heels going clickety-click, and there i am, sobbing.
goodbye A1. i missed the times when i could confidently say you're mine. it's all over between you and me now. we're through. i just wasn't good enough for you. we weren't all that compatible. true, we were happy. but maybe it was all just one-sided affection on my part. YOU CHAUVINISTIC NINCOMPOOP! YOU WERE PLAYING ME WEREN'T YOU, YOU STUPID A1?!??! i don't even know why i bothered about you for so long, worked so hard for you, cried over you, slogged over you, stayed up all night just to see you. we're through. it's not you, it's me.
okay yes. so apparently, i'm over it. life is like that. full of shit. and shit lover's like Mr. A1.. waste of my two years. that ass.
well well. i'm liberated. so to speak. the thing is.
i feel no joy in my liberation.
when i ripped up my entry proof, it was out of anger.
when i left school. i left in tears.
when i spent my last 5 minutes in the school toilet, i wasn't hollering with jubilant shouts of glee, i was trying not to puke.
Isaac, i'm sorry to say i didn't feel the joy you described.
i'm actually looking forward to school next year. just so i can prove myself that i'm better than this. that i can do better than this. i've been beating myself up for not having worked harder. i worked hard but maybe i should've worked smart. it's this weird sense of disappointment in myself. like i could've done better. should've done better. i expected straight As, didn't i? TP CMM, i will give you a perfect GPA. and i will have so many credits and whatever crap that you will be so stunned you will give me my diploma and kick my ass off to NTU to get my degree.
insane. i've lost my senses in some ulu-ated swamp and gave my heart to the swamp monster who bounced around with me and the swamp monster ate up all the fireflies. and then the noisy frogs who were boiling water took my brains and fed it to their tadpoles. and then the fog was so thick it enveloped me in its strong strong foggy arms and carried me so somehow i find myself home and distracted.
this is what the O levels does to you. it messes with your mind, flips your emotions around, drains you and takes from you, selfishly, heartlessly. at this point of time. i'm just too tired to be happy, too exhausted to be joyous, too hollow to celebrate. am i the only one who feels this way? probably.
papers like these make me feel like a complete screw up. and when i feel like i'm a complete screw up, i go to some ulu swamp and romance the swamp monster. the swamp monster treats me WAAYYYY better than stupid Mr. A1.
when the results come out, i won't cry. i've cried too much already. my tears could actually wash Lady Macbeth's hand clean. it's more than all the perfumes of Arabia.
i'm in love with the swamp monster.
anyway, swamp monster aside, i am meeting my BFF tomorrow so everything will be alright :D i bet it will. i'm sorry you have to come over, queks :( but it's a lil' risky asking them in their current state of pissed-ness. hahahahah. I LOVE YOU!!
so my life for this week:
WEDNESDAY--clean up room, Queksie&Retardation
THURSDAY--SAND TOE SAH
FRIDAY--i don't have a clue.
and i'm playing for both nights of meta camp which means i'm going for the services. i can't wait till my parents get their asses out of Singapore than i have COMPLETE freedom. temporary, but still.... better than nothing.
okay. off i go to Mexico.
where i will meet the swamp monster.
we have a midnight rendezvous.
we will eat Swedish meatballs in Mexico.
and we will laugh so hard that i'll be slim and have abs.
then the swamp monster will piggy back me.
and then i will kiss the swamp monster.
and then i will wake up and realize that it was all a dream.
and then i will smile and be happy.
cos that's what happy noodles do.
just call me Mrs. Swamp Monster.
in everything, Lord, i give You praise.
yes, even if it lef me puking in the school toilet.
i still love You. i always will.
:) El Shaddai, Name above all others!
Grace ♥ 11:59 m.d.
i am 8 hours from freedom.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
just a while ago, it was 51 days to freedom.
we were counting down and all that jazz.
and now.
IT'S EIGHT FREAKING HOURS AWAYYYY!!!
and:
1) i feel like puking.
2) there's literature later
3) oh Lord, please help me
4) i can't wait for 6.30 :D
5) i really feel like puking
6) no, honestly, i feel like puking
7) i'm freaking out.
8) i. want. to. cry.
LORD!!! i REALLY need You now, Big Guy! You know how i am about literature and how it used to be my best subject and all. Lord, i pray You help me to top the level. just one more time in literature. please? it's my last shot.. and i can't walk away from this paper with anything less than the best. please Lord, i've put two years into this. please please please give me an A1 :) i beg You.
okay anyway, i'm done with science paper one and i'm home now and off to sleep :)
someone called me in the morning and really put a smile on my face :D i just LOVE morning calls. (but only if i woke up at least half an hour prior to the call. else i'd be frumpy beary)
and then my BFF texted me in the morning too :D she wanted to trick me but hahah. too bad, Ness!
my phone has been ringing non-stop since i stepped out of the hall so i shut it off. and there's this weirdo who used to be in my school who keeps calling and messaging me and stuff. and i'm like, "woah dude. back off. NOW." it's not so much freaky as annoying. like, REALLY annoying.
okay ya. i have been complaining throughout the whole post. HAHAHAH. i'm off to dreamland for a wee while. i'll be back tonight :) cos by then, ALL my papers would really truly and totally be over. and i can revert my attention to John Grisham.
later later!! :D
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
just a while ago, it was 51 days to freedom.
we were counting down and all that jazz.
and now.
IT'S EIGHT FREAKING HOURS AWAYYYY!!!
and:
1) i feel like puking.
2) there's literature later
3) oh Lord, please help me
4) i can't wait for 6.30 :D
5) i really feel like puking
6) no, honestly, i feel like puking
7) i'm freaking out.
8) i. want. to. cry.
LORD!!! i REALLY need You now, Big Guy! You know how i am about literature and how it used to be my best subject and all. Lord, i pray You help me to top the level. just one more time in literature. please? it's my last shot.. and i can't walk away from this paper with anything less than the best. please Lord, i've put two years into this. please please please give me an A1 :) i beg You.
okay anyway, i'm done with science paper one and i'm home now and off to sleep :)
someone called me in the morning and really put a smile on my face :D i just LOVE morning calls. (but only if i woke up at least half an hour prior to the call. else i'd be frumpy beary)
and then my BFF texted me in the morning too :D she wanted to trick me but hahah. too bad, Ness!
my phone has been ringing non-stop since i stepped out of the hall so i shut it off. and there's this weirdo who used to be in my school who keeps calling and messaging me and stuff. and i'm like, "woah dude. back off. NOW." it's not so much freaky as annoying. like, REALLY annoying.
okay ya. i have been complaining throughout the whole post. HAHAHAH. i'm off to dreamland for a wee while. i'll be back tonight :) cos by then, ALL my papers would really truly and totally be over. and i can revert my attention to John Grisham.
later later!! :D
Grace ♥ 10:14 p.d.
e hënë, 5 nëntor 2007
SO.
life seems to be perking up a little :)
despite the overwhelming fats, of course.
but as i was saying, life seems to be perking up.
1) THE END OF O'S IS HERE!!!
2) THE END OF O'S IS HERE!!!
3) THE END OF O'S IS HERE!!!
:D and that, my friends, are the very reasons for the sudden burst of joy in my life. it seems that nothing else has consumed so much of me as the O levels have. this liberation that is soon about to fall on me is so ineffably sweet and unfathomably wonderful. the end of the O's is almost as good as me suddenly growing boobs and butt, and losing Mr Tumms and the love handles, and having toned arms and thighs and calves and all, and having abs and the pelvic bone line :D almost as good. but obviously not.
tuesday would bring about the end of this shizzam, and then i'll be launched straight into partydom ;) and then wednesday will be room-cleaning day and i will be meeting my B to the F to the F. and then thurs-happy-deepavali-day will see me at sentosa, revealing my fats to the world. OH JOY! (not the fats part, its more of the fact that i'll be there, tanning and enjoying myself in the best company everrrr). and friday will be tanning by the poolside and indulging in a good read. and then the weekends will come around as they always do :) with more fun and games in store, and of course, meeting with my Daddy God in His house :DDDDD
and what you see in the aforementioned paragraph, is merely the first week after Os :D SO FUN!! then after that i have two weeks in which i hope i can find a job to occupy myself. and then my parents will be away from the 19-22 November (oh yay oh yay) and then on the 27th to the 2nd i'll be AWAYYYYY at tai-cheena-biang-wan but i hope it'll be fun :) and then the day after i come back, i'll be bus-ed of to camp with the GOP people. and then i have one week of repose, then it's the CFFF and then it's YA camp and then it'll be Christmas!
my life is going to zoom past before my eyes!!! and then 2008 will come along, and then i'll be an employee of Fly.E (hopefully) and then i'll be part of the CMM cohort of TP, 2008 (hopefully) and then it'll be 2009 :DDDDDDDDD and then it'll be 2010 and then before i know it, i'll be old!!! my life is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
i am happy. so i shall clap my hands.
my brains are a little fried. just a little. little little little. fried.
silly girl, as One would call me. and sillybean, is my retort.
AND!!! the best part of all this partying and crap, is that: I'LL HAVE TIME TO GO TO THE GYM AND TO LOSE WEIGHT AND TO TAN AND BE BEAUTIFULLLLLL!!!! (like a butterfly.)
but somehow, there's a part of me that fears the after Os. the fact that status quo will be tipped. and my life will be out of equilibrium. and the fear that while everyone else is out partying til late night, i might still be stuck as "the daddy's girl" with a 11pm curfew (which is stinkin' retarded, if you ask me) and then i have to start worrying about politics and people relations and stuff like that :( oh boo.
ANYWAY, on the brighter side of life, i have:
1) movie marathon
2) haji lane with queks
3) flea markets with hanies :D (i promise.)
4) picnics and stuff with retarded people
5) meeting up with Amanda for more ke-leung moments
6) life as a working girl
7) shopping
8) losing weight and looking/feeling good
9) reading. lots and lots of reading
10) more time to spend with God
11) cell planning for 2008
12) class pool parties :) GINO!!
and stuff of the like to look forward to :D
i think i'm a little loco.
correction. make that VERY loco.
loco like a drunk lunatic on steroids and thirty cans of redbull.
somehow, as excited as i am, i'm not as excited as i should be.
it's weird and inexplicable since i've been working for this.
oddly, i feel no immense joy. joyous, yes, but not immensely so.
life seems to be perking up a little :)
despite the overwhelming fats, of course.
but as i was saying, life seems to be perking up.
1) THE END OF O'S IS HERE!!!
2) THE END OF O'S IS HERE!!!
3) THE END OF O'S IS HERE!!!
:D and that, my friends, are the very reasons for the sudden burst of joy in my life. it seems that nothing else has consumed so much of me as the O levels have. this liberation that is soon about to fall on me is so ineffably sweet and unfathomably wonderful. the end of the O's is almost as good as me suddenly growing boobs and butt, and losing Mr Tumms and the love handles, and having toned arms and thighs and calves and all, and having abs and the pelvic bone line :D almost as good. but obviously not.
tuesday would bring about the end of this shizzam, and then i'll be launched straight into partydom ;) and then wednesday will be room-cleaning day and i will be meeting my B to the F to the F. and then thurs-happy-deepavali-day will see me at sentosa, revealing my fats to the world. OH JOY! (not the fats part, its more of the fact that i'll be there, tanning and enjoying myself in the best company everrrr). and friday will be tanning by the poolside and indulging in a good read. and then the weekends will come around as they always do :) with more fun and games in store, and of course, meeting with my Daddy God in His house :DDDDD
and what you see in the aforementioned paragraph, is merely the first week after Os :D SO FUN!! then after that i have two weeks in which i hope i can find a job to occupy myself. and then my parents will be away from the 19-22 November (oh yay oh yay) and then on the 27th to the 2nd i'll be AWAYYYYY at tai-cheena-biang-wan but i hope it'll be fun :) and then the day after i come back, i'll be bus-ed of to camp with the GOP people. and then i have one week of repose, then it's the CFFF and then it's YA camp and then it'll be Christmas!
my life is going to zoom past before my eyes!!! and then 2008 will come along, and then i'll be an employee of Fly.E (hopefully) and then i'll be part of the CMM cohort of TP, 2008 (hopefully) and then it'll be 2009 :DDDDDDDDD and then it'll be 2010 and then before i know it, i'll be old!!! my life is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
i am happy. so i shall clap my hands.
my brains are a little fried. just a little. little little little. fried.
silly girl, as One would call me. and sillybean, is my retort.
AND!!! the best part of all this partying and crap, is that: I'LL HAVE TIME TO GO TO THE GYM AND TO LOSE WEIGHT AND TO TAN AND BE BEAUTIFULLLLLL!!!! (like a butterfly.)
but somehow, there's a part of me that fears the after Os. the fact that status quo will be tipped. and my life will be out of equilibrium. and the fear that while everyone else is out partying til late night, i might still be stuck as "the daddy's girl" with a 11pm curfew (which is stinkin' retarded, if you ask me) and then i have to start worrying about politics and people relations and stuff like that :( oh boo.
ANYWAY, on the brighter side of life, i have:
1) movie marathon
2) haji lane with queks
3) flea markets with hanies :D (i promise.)
4) picnics and stuff with retarded people
5) meeting up with Amanda for more ke-leung moments
6) life as a working girl
7) shopping
8) losing weight and looking/feeling good
9) reading. lots and lots of reading
10) more time to spend with God
11) cell planning for 2008
12) class pool parties :) GINO!!
and stuff of the like to look forward to :D
i think i'm a little loco.
correction. make that VERY loco.
loco like a drunk lunatic on steroids and thirty cans of redbull.
somehow, as excited as i am, i'm not as excited as i should be.
it's weird and inexplicable since i've been working for this.
oddly, i feel no immense joy. joyous, yes, but not immensely so.
oh, and on a side note, MY SS PAPER IS AIKEN'S PAPER'S CO-STAR IN THE LATEST PORN MOVIE,
STUPID CAM-I-THINK-I'M-SO-SMART-BRIDGE!!!! go die and eat spongebob. who the heck comes up with 3 SEQs all from the sec 4 book?!?!?!?! basket. "WHEN SS PAPERS SCREW, THEY GET SCREWED BAD"
get your tickets now!!
get your tickets now!!
Grace ♥ 10:42 p.d.
:D ok i know i'm supposed to be in bed (sorry love) but i'm just so excited i have to type this out here :DDDD
I HAVE A DATE WITH MY BFF!!! like finally after three thousand and nine years :D wednesday wednesday wednesday!!!
ok ya, i just had to do that :) GOODNIGHT WORLD! I'M OFF TO SLEEP THEN TAKE MY SS PAPER THEN GO BECOME A LITERATURE NERD FOR THE LAST TIME EVERRRR!!!!
and tuesday's less than 24 hours away! :DDDDDDD
i have so many dates this week :) i'm so happy. i'm so loved!!!
and i want to name my son Shiloh. it means "sent" like, God-sent. nice right? i also know.
I HAVE A DATE WITH MY BFF!!! like finally after three thousand and nine years :D wednesday wednesday wednesday!!!
ok ya, i just had to do that :) GOODNIGHT WORLD! I'M OFF TO SLEEP THEN TAKE MY SS PAPER THEN GO BECOME A LITERATURE NERD FOR THE LAST TIME EVERRRR!!!!
and tuesday's less than 24 hours away! :DDDDDDD
i have so many dates this week :) i'm so happy. i'm so loved!!!
and i want to name my son Shiloh. it means "sent" like, God-sent. nice right? i also know.
Grace ♥ 12:29 p.d.
e diel, 4 nëntor 2007
yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
i am in pirate mood today :D
(whatever that means)
and guess what? i'm on gaius' handphone wallpaper :D hahaha. i love you gaius gay sheng.
and VANESS!!!! I MISS YOU SO SO MUCH YOU KNOW YOU SMALL EYED WATERMELON BUTTED BFF PERSON!!!!!!!!!! two more days and then it's over then we can go hang out hang out together together and then you can hear me tell you that i love you like, everyday :D oh, by the way, i love you, quek li yi :D
contrary to last week, i actually made it to service on time today :) sat with the girls at the side. which was a lil' weird cos i'm so used to the centre. honestly, i don't even know how we ended up on the left. haha.
today when pastor ang asked the SPKC kids to go, two of my cell kids stood up and left and it was SO weird cos those are my girls and they're in SPKC. hahahahhaha. to me they're not children anymore. but maybe i'm giving them too much of a benefit of doubt. but anyway, watching esther and le sze really touched my heart. OKAY so i wasn't watching. i was.... peeking. and esther really just worships unashamedly. i love to see people worship like that :D
after service we had cell prayer and the entire cell turned up in skirts. hahahah. such a telepathy-telepathy moment :) for some reason, joanna's neighbour gave her cupcakes so she brought some for us. and they tasted mighty good although 1)i'm on a diet and cupcakes are not allowed 2)we're not supposed to eat in the hall. HAHAHAH. ah well, we didn't leave a mess :) so i guess that justifies it, somewhat.
sat around in the youthroom and listened to good music from gina's lime-green headphones with a band-aid strap and fell in love with that song again. the one by Joey-whats-his-name. it goes something like this, really sweet.
"cos i'm ready to fall in love tonight, ready to stand with heart open wide. i can't promise forever, but baby i'll try. cos i'm ready to fall in love tonight"
mega sweet right? i also know.
so yeah, the whole bunch of people came down and finally left for boon tong kee. haha. we were so huge. i didn't go for lunch after all, but i figure they dominated the whole of that yummy chicken rice place. i was on 14 with the majority of the people and yakked away with dawn, chuan and meredith. and i was eying dawn's lappie, that blessed girl. and dawn zhou en'en, i haven't talked to you in ages. can you please come down from mars and give me some attention? thank you very much.
anyway, they all dropped off at boon tong kee but i hopped on 10 and zoomed off to vivo to meet the parents for lunch or whatever. and i reached there like, twenty minutes too early (the bus was so fast i tell you) and i ended up window shopping again. HAHAHAH. oh dear me. i really need to lose weight NOW and then i need to be loaded then i'm gong to shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop SHOP. but first i need to lose weight. no point shopping and buying clothes which will end up too big for me at the end of the year. haha. might as well lose weight and tone up then go shop my ass off. although it's not like i have much of an ass to speak of anyways.
but yeah, the parents finally came but i was, by then, cranky and tired and hungry with a gnawing headache. it was this annoying pain in my cranium which felt like someone was hitting me over and over with a stiletto from Aldo. (for those who don't know, most stilettos from Aldo have heels made of steel. literally.)
so i was silent for most part. and silence from grace, is golden. ask vaness, she thinks i talk too much. i think i talk too much too. i shall stop talking so much and refrain from being a nuisance.
i've been embracing silence a lot lately. i have no idea why. at times it just seems more apt to be quiet and watch life take place. maybe its some phase i'm going through. but whatever it is, i'm enjoying silence and lesser crowds. and lesser fats too, please and thank you.
okay, where was i? oh right, cranky me. so i dragged my cranky self all over vivo to look for a belt for daddy but they either didn't have his size or he didn't like them. which got me even crankier cos i'm that kind of shopper who MUST get what she wants. i'm crazy like that. we ended up eating overpriced food at the food republic before heading home.
i got the chance to stop by a book shop at harbourfront so i picked up "Kiss The Girls" by james patterson (to check out what's the whole hoo-ha about it) and a John Grisham compilation :) i LOVE john grisham.
being home at 4.30pm on a sunda has it perks :) i initially thought i'd be bored stiff but it was actually a blessing in disguise. i myanaged to grab about an hour of reading by the pool :D so it was me, james patterson, casanova, dr. cross and the pool for an hour or so of absolute bliss :) it's days like these i thank God that i live in a condo. and it's only now that i realize that reading is a luxury. i haven't had a good read in ages and today, the nerd in me prevails. yes, i'm a nerd. i ENJOY reading. call me a freak or whatever but i really do enjoy reading. i need to pop by to some christian book shop soon to pick up a good Godly read. and some devotional materials :)
so anyway, i'm off to cram my overloaded cranium with PAP's propaganda (a.k.a. the SS textbooks) and then i'm off to sleep REALLY early. because 1) then i wouldn't eat dinner haha 2) i'm really friggin' tired and i have no idea why.
goodbye world :) i miss you loads.
oh and the weighing scale remains stuck on 50. URK. i disgust myself. i really need to lose all this excess weight. i hate it. loathe it. abhor it. detest it. anathematize it. scorn it. shun it. despise it. etc etc etc. bottomline is, i hate Mr. Tumms. he's too ugly for words. he's a trannie. DIE MR TUMMS. DIE!!
oh shizzam. i just realised i've actually NAMED IT! oh no. i cannot be emotionally attached to this piece of turd. it is disgusting beyond words. GET AWAY GET AWAY!!!
i can't wait for tuesday :DDDDD
i REALLY can't wait for tuesday!
tuesday will make me a happy girl!!
and only because.........
i am in pirate mood today :D
(whatever that means)
and guess what? i'm on gaius' handphone wallpaper :D hahaha. i love you gaius gay sheng.
and VANESS!!!! I MISS YOU SO SO MUCH YOU KNOW YOU SMALL EYED WATERMELON BUTTED BFF PERSON!!!!!!!!!! two more days and then it's over then we can go hang out hang out together together and then you can hear me tell you that i love you like, everyday :D oh, by the way, i love you, quek li yi :D
contrary to last week, i actually made it to service on time today :) sat with the girls at the side. which was a lil' weird cos i'm so used to the centre. honestly, i don't even know how we ended up on the left. haha.
today when pastor ang asked the SPKC kids to go, two of my cell kids stood up and left and it was SO weird cos those are my girls and they're in SPKC. hahahahhaha. to me they're not children anymore. but maybe i'm giving them too much of a benefit of doubt. but anyway, watching esther and le sze really touched my heart. OKAY so i wasn't watching. i was.... peeking. and esther really just worships unashamedly. i love to see people worship like that :D
after service we had cell prayer and the entire cell turned up in skirts. hahahah. such a telepathy-telepathy moment :) for some reason, joanna's neighbour gave her cupcakes so she brought some for us. and they tasted mighty good although 1)i'm on a diet and cupcakes are not allowed 2)we're not supposed to eat in the hall. HAHAHAH. ah well, we didn't leave a mess :) so i guess that justifies it, somewhat.
sat around in the youthroom and listened to good music from gina's lime-green headphones with a band-aid strap and fell in love with that song again. the one by Joey-whats-his-name. it goes something like this, really sweet.
"cos i'm ready to fall in love tonight, ready to stand with heart open wide. i can't promise forever, but baby i'll try. cos i'm ready to fall in love tonight"
mega sweet right? i also know.
so yeah, the whole bunch of people came down and finally left for boon tong kee. haha. we were so huge. i didn't go for lunch after all, but i figure they dominated the whole of that yummy chicken rice place. i was on 14 with the majority of the people and yakked away with dawn, chuan and meredith. and i was eying dawn's lappie, that blessed girl. and dawn zhou en'en, i haven't talked to you in ages. can you please come down from mars and give me some attention? thank you very much.
anyway, they all dropped off at boon tong kee but i hopped on 10 and zoomed off to vivo to meet the parents for lunch or whatever. and i reached there like, twenty minutes too early (the bus was so fast i tell you) and i ended up window shopping again. HAHAHAH. oh dear me. i really need to lose weight NOW and then i need to be loaded then i'm gong to shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop shop SHOP. but first i need to lose weight. no point shopping and buying clothes which will end up too big for me at the end of the year. haha. might as well lose weight and tone up then go shop my ass off. although it's not like i have much of an ass to speak of anyways.
but yeah, the parents finally came but i was, by then, cranky and tired and hungry with a gnawing headache. it was this annoying pain in my cranium which felt like someone was hitting me over and over with a stiletto from Aldo. (for those who don't know, most stilettos from Aldo have heels made of steel. literally.)
so i was silent for most part. and silence from grace, is golden. ask vaness, she thinks i talk too much. i think i talk too much too. i shall stop talking so much and refrain from being a nuisance.
i've been embracing silence a lot lately. i have no idea why. at times it just seems more apt to be quiet and watch life take place. maybe its some phase i'm going through. but whatever it is, i'm enjoying silence and lesser crowds. and lesser fats too, please and thank you.
okay, where was i? oh right, cranky me. so i dragged my cranky self all over vivo to look for a belt for daddy but they either didn't have his size or he didn't like them. which got me even crankier cos i'm that kind of shopper who MUST get what she wants. i'm crazy like that. we ended up eating overpriced food at the food republic before heading home.
i got the chance to stop by a book shop at harbourfront so i picked up "Kiss The Girls" by james patterson (to check out what's the whole hoo-ha about it) and a John Grisham compilation :) i LOVE john grisham.
being home at 4.30pm on a sunda has it perks :) i initially thought i'd be bored stiff but it was actually a blessing in disguise. i myanaged to grab about an hour of reading by the pool :D so it was me, james patterson, casanova, dr. cross and the pool for an hour or so of absolute bliss :) it's days like these i thank God that i live in a condo. and it's only now that i realize that reading is a luxury. i haven't had a good read in ages and today, the nerd in me prevails. yes, i'm a nerd. i ENJOY reading. call me a freak or whatever but i really do enjoy reading. i need to pop by to some christian book shop soon to pick up a good Godly read. and some devotional materials :)
so anyway, i'm off to cram my overloaded cranium with PAP's propaganda (a.k.a. the SS textbooks) and then i'm off to sleep REALLY early. because 1) then i wouldn't eat dinner haha 2) i'm really friggin' tired and i have no idea why.
goodbye world :) i miss you loads.
oh and the weighing scale remains stuck on 50. URK. i disgust myself. i really need to lose all this excess weight. i hate it. loathe it. abhor it. detest it. anathematize it. scorn it. shun it. despise it. etc etc etc. bottomline is, i hate Mr. Tumms. he's too ugly for words. he's a trannie. DIE MR TUMMS. DIE!!
oh shizzam. i just realised i've actually NAMED IT! oh no. i cannot be emotionally attached to this piece of turd. it is disgusting beyond words. GET AWAY GET AWAY!!!
i can't wait for tuesday :DDDDD
i REALLY can't wait for tuesday!
tuesday will make me a happy girl!!
and only because.........
Grace ♥ 6:26 m.d.
e shtunë, 3 nëntor 2007
:D
and when i start off a post like that you know i've been in a good mood :) hahhahaha.
so yes, while everyone else was off in town being cool and having tonnes of fun, i decided to go to marine parade library to study. HAHAHAHAH. wow grace! you are so damn cool!
i was in a bad mood yesterday. like, mega cranky. (cos i was late for the paper and all that shizzam and i was feeling fat) and then i left home in a huff cos mummy was uber annoying. i reached church and found it completely empty, save for Vanessa in koinonia. so i dropped in to say hi to daddy and i wanted to take one of the counselling rooms to study in. but both were occupied. and then i thought "hell, i'll just go down to katong to pay mrs ng then i'll see what life brings round"
and so there i was at katong and i had a nice conversation with mrs ng before i left. i felt a little better after i paid her i think, cos then i know that it's one less thing to worry about. and i just stood there at katong thinking "ok, where do i go from here?" i honestly felt like just sitting there and crying for no apparent reason but i'm stronger than that eh? :) hahah. i cry too much, i should stop. so i didn't cry la. i'm cool!!! :D then i decided to just head down to the library for some solitude. i didn't expect shenna to turn up :) ILOVEYOUSHENNAHOLOLOLOLOLO.
so anyway, i was alone for about two hours or so. i set my bag down and ordered a drink from cafe galilee and IT SUCKED. i didn't even drink one third of it. it was so disgusting. as if my day wasn't even bad enough, i had to go ahead an order something exotic sounding like "peach dream" to add on to my misery. haha. and the staff were damn annoying i tell you. they were trying to sell me this card in which i paid $17.50 and then i could get like 5 cups of drink or whatever. HELLO! i go to your library like, once a year ok? so leave me alone. CAUTION: do NOT bug grace when grace is in loner mode.
but yeah, there i was embracing the glories of SS (i still think it's propaganda.) with a cup of peachdream shit and feeling like the beached whale, and then i get messages from my loves and i felt much much better :) and then shenna popped down and we started yakking away like we'll never see each other again. HAHAHAH. so much for studying eh? haha.
i needed to go home to take some ka-chings cos i was running a lil' low on finance. so we tip-toe-ed into my house with my sleeping mother in it, grabbed some cash then dashed out for dinner at parkway.
parkway involved people-watching/laughing, window-shopping, marks&spencers :) , and we were just going goo goo ga ga over all the potential shopping sprees :D I NEED MONEY AND FREEDOM AND SHOPPING KHAKIS!!!!!
then we decided to go to my house again to study. HAHAHHAHA. and we ended up checking out people's blogs, watching STEVEN-disgusting-i-see-also-want-to-puke-LIM videos, mocking him, reading jason pereira's blog and watching "hey!gorgeous" in a bid to find our friend.
WE MUST STUDY TODAY SHENNA!!!! hahah. aiyo, we have no self-discipline.
but i had so much fun :) i love you shenna! i look forward to more of these times of retardation! and i thank you for always reassuring me and telling me that i'm beautiful even though i feel like a walrus :) kisses to you, you aunty bunty.
so yes. i'm feeling FAT.
and everyone goes, "AGAIN?"
yeah. ok. i know it doesn't make sense but today i stepped onto the wretched weighing scale and it happily read "50"
ARRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i haven't hit 50 since march.
I AM SO SCARED OF BEING FAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mummy says it's the coming period.
which i think it's damn gross and i hope that the period will not come this week cos there's sentosa. oh poo.
and besides this whole female disease, Mr Tumms has been growing. AAAAAHHHHHH. YOU DISGUSTING THING! GET OFF ME!!!! its like a disease that won't leave me.
as of today, i am going on a diet. fruits, vegetables, lower carbs, exercise, etc. the full works. no more pigging out for me, no more not running. i don't care about my knee anymore, i just have to get rid of Mr Tumms.
okay yes, and now i'm off to bathe again, then off to church i go!
my new chant "LOSE WEIGHT TONE UP GET TANNED"
:D hahaha. Grace Alba Ke.
46kg. that's all i'm asking for.
Lord, please?
50 is WAY too much.
i'm so fat i can't stand myself.
so gross la. i tell you.
and it's honestly a phobia.
PHOBIA. FEAR. FATS.
but i'm still a happy noodle!!!
and can people please NOT tell me that i'm not fat? i know you all mean well, but when a girl puts on 3kg, she KNOWS she has put on weight. i know my limits. and i won't do anything to harm myself, i promise! i'm working towards a hot bod the healthy healthy way :D
i'm not anorexic or bulimic or insane. i'm really really okay. and this is partially in the name of health also :D i'll take good care of myself and i still love food :)
and when i start off a post like that you know i've been in a good mood :) hahhahaha.
so yes, while everyone else was off in town being cool and having tonnes of fun, i decided to go to marine parade library to study. HAHAHAHAH. wow grace! you are so damn cool!
i was in a bad mood yesterday. like, mega cranky. (cos i was late for the paper and all that shizzam and i was feeling fat) and then i left home in a huff cos mummy was uber annoying. i reached church and found it completely empty, save for Vanessa in koinonia. so i dropped in to say hi to daddy and i wanted to take one of the counselling rooms to study in. but both were occupied. and then i thought "hell, i'll just go down to katong to pay mrs ng then i'll see what life brings round"
and so there i was at katong and i had a nice conversation with mrs ng before i left. i felt a little better after i paid her i think, cos then i know that it's one less thing to worry about. and i just stood there at katong thinking "ok, where do i go from here?" i honestly felt like just sitting there and crying for no apparent reason but i'm stronger than that eh? :) hahah. i cry too much, i should stop. so i didn't cry la. i'm cool!!! :D then i decided to just head down to the library for some solitude. i didn't expect shenna to turn up :) ILOVEYOUSHENNAHOLOLOLOLOLO.
so anyway, i was alone for about two hours or so. i set my bag down and ordered a drink from cafe galilee and IT SUCKED. i didn't even drink one third of it. it was so disgusting. as if my day wasn't even bad enough, i had to go ahead an order something exotic sounding like "peach dream" to add on to my misery. haha. and the staff were damn annoying i tell you. they were trying to sell me this card in which i paid $17.50 and then i could get like 5 cups of drink or whatever. HELLO! i go to your library like, once a year ok? so leave me alone. CAUTION: do NOT bug grace when grace is in loner mode.
but yeah, there i was embracing the glories of SS (i still think it's propaganda.) with a cup of peach
i needed to go home to take some ka-chings cos i was running a lil' low on finance. so we tip-toe-ed into my house with my sleeping mother in it, grabbed some cash then dashed out for dinner at parkway.
parkway involved people-watching/laughing, window-shopping, marks&spencers :) , and we were just going goo goo ga ga over all the potential shopping sprees :D I NEED MONEY AND FREEDOM AND SHOPPING KHAKIS!!!!!
then we decided to go to my house again to study. HAHAHHAHA. and we ended up checking out people's blogs, watching STEVEN-disgusting-i-see-also-want-to-puke-LIM videos, mocking him, reading jason pereira's blog and watching "hey!gorgeous" in a bid to find our friend.
WE MUST STUDY TODAY SHENNA!!!! hahah. aiyo, we have no self-discipline.
but i had so much fun :) i love you shenna! i look forward to more of these times of retardation! and i thank you for always reassuring me and telling me that i'm beautiful even though i feel like a walrus :) kisses to you, you aunty bunty.
so yes. i'm feeling FAT.
and everyone goes, "AGAIN?"
yeah. ok. i know it doesn't make sense but today i stepped onto the wretched weighing scale and it happily read "50"
ARRGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i haven't hit 50 since march.
I AM SO SCARED OF BEING FAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mummy says it's the coming period.
which i think it's damn gross and i hope that the period will not come this week cos there's sentosa. oh poo.
and besides this whole female disease, Mr Tumms has been growing. AAAAAHHHHHH. YOU DISGUSTING THING! GET OFF ME!!!! its like a disease that won't leave me.
as of today, i am going on a diet. fruits, vegetables, lower carbs, exercise, etc. the full works. no more pigging out for me, no more not running. i don't care about my knee anymore, i just have to get rid of Mr Tumms.
okay yes, and now i'm off to bathe again, then off to church i go!
my new chant "LOSE WEIGHT TONE UP GET TANNED"
:D hahaha. Grace Alba Ke.
46kg. that's all i'm asking for.
Lord, please?
50 is WAY too much.
i'm so fat i can't stand myself.
so gross la. i tell you.
and it's honestly a phobia.
PHOBIA. FEAR. FATS.
but i'm still a happy noodle!!!
and can people please NOT tell me that i'm not fat? i know you all mean well, but when a girl puts on 3kg, she KNOWS she has put on weight. i know my limits. and i won't do anything to harm myself, i promise! i'm working towards a hot bod the healthy healthy way :D
i'm not anorexic or bulimic or insane. i'm really really okay. and this is partially in the name of health also :D i'll take good care of myself and i still love food :)
Grace ♥ 2:58 m.d.
e premte, 2 nëntor 2007
i am:
1) feeling fat
2) about to cry
3) feeling like i fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
4) very sleepy
anyway. today i woke up a little late and missed the bus so i was late forschool O level exams. i freaked. i honestly freaked. i ended up sprinting from the bus stop at tanah merah all the way up to the school hall. i never knew i could run that fast. hahahahah. but terror, i tell you. it's not so much the 5-10 minutes that i lost, but it was the kecoh-ness of it all. mega jitters, i say.
i'm going to go bathe and do whatever then i'm going to go study for SS.
i'm feeling cranky/crappy/losery.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
and _ ____ ___
and i need Mr Tumms. to get the hell off my body.
1) feeling fat
2) about to cry
3) feeling like i fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down
4) very sleepy
anyway. today i woke up a little late and missed the bus so i was late for
i'm going to go bathe and do whatever then i'm going to go study for SS.
i'm feeling cranky/crappy/losery.
:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
and _ ____ ___
and i need Mr Tumms. to get the hell off my body.
Grace ♥ 10:53 p.d.
e enjte, 1 nëntor 2007
i feel like an overweight walrus.
BUT! i'm still lighter than Tyra Banks :)))))))))))))))))))))
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
anyway, i just wanna say a huge thank you to the people who have stood by me through the Os and have been covering me with prayers cos honestly, i wouldn't be where i am now without you all. it's almost over :D THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU INSANE BUNCH!!! especially people like, chuan, isaac, bel, maddy, peachy, sarah, aunty ayelan, pastor mark, the cell kids, people like linda :) and kristie :) who ran up to me and said, "jie jie grace jie jie grace can i pray for you?" :DDDDDDD really, it's girls like you two who'll grow up and do awesome things because you have a heart SO big :) love you two little ones! grow up soon ok?
and also, a MEGA MASSIVE HUGE THANK YOU TO MY DADDY GOD!!!!!!! :D Lord, i love You so much. really, You've gotten me through the craziest times and You've never let me go :) despite the times i've knowingly ran away from You, broke Your heart, gone ahead and did beyond imbecilic things, You've held on to me and kept me by Your side. and You've placed people in my life to love me, to make me feel beautiful, to encourage me, to let me love them and You've been so so real. i thank You for getting me through the Os so far, and Lord i pray for Your Spirit to be with me, not just for the last 5 papers, but from now on till forever. and Lord, i also commit my future into Your hands. i know You've got the best plans and the greatest dreams for me. and i just have to say i love You. in Jesus name i pray, Amen :D
life has been swell so far :) i'm missing my BFF loads though. it seems like forever since i last met her :(
my days have been filled with love and laughs and books and notes. a brilliant combination, really. i've been reminiscing about 2007 (it's almost gone) and as much as i hated this year, i really wouldn't have had it any other way :) there have been tears and broken relationships. there has been love. there has been pain and joy. there were the books. but soon there is the sweet taste of liberation.
5 more papers. and i kiss this phase of life farewell.
it feels so surreal. like i'm floating above my own body and watching this person go through the cycles of life. and i realise that the person i'm watching, is me.
oh well, celebrations soon :)
6th November, darlings, 6th November.
5.50pm. here my jubilant shouts :)
6th November, and i have a date with Destiny.
BUT! i'm still lighter than Tyra Banks :)))))))))))))))))))))
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
anyway, i just wanna say a huge thank you to the people who have stood by me through the Os and have been covering me with prayers cos honestly, i wouldn't be where i am now without you all. it's almost over :D THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU INSANE BUNCH!!! especially people like, chuan, isaac, bel, maddy, peachy, sarah, aunty ayelan, pastor mark, the cell kids, people like linda :) and kristie :) who ran up to me and said, "jie jie grace jie jie grace can i pray for you?" :DDDDDDD really, it's girls like you two who'll grow up and do awesome things because you have a heart SO big :) love you two little ones! grow up soon ok?
and also, a MEGA MASSIVE HUGE THANK YOU TO MY DADDY GOD!!!!!!! :D Lord, i love You so much. really, You've gotten me through the craziest times and You've never let me go :) despite the times i've knowingly ran away from You, broke Your heart, gone ahead and did beyond imbecilic things, You've held on to me and kept me by Your side. and You've placed people in my life to love me, to make me feel beautiful, to encourage me, to let me love them and You've been so so real. i thank You for getting me through the Os so far, and Lord i pray for Your Spirit to be with me, not just for the last 5 papers, but from now on till forever. and Lord, i also commit my future into Your hands. i know You've got the best plans and the greatest dreams for me. and i just have to say i love You. in Jesus name i pray, Amen :D
life has been swell so far :) i'm missing my BFF loads though. it seems like forever since i last met her :(
my days have been filled with love and laughs and books and notes. a brilliant combination, really. i've been reminiscing about 2007 (it's almost gone) and as much as i hated this year, i really wouldn't have had it any other way :) there have been tears and broken relationships. there has been love. there has been pain and joy. there were the books. but soon there is the sweet taste of liberation.
5 more papers. and i kiss this phase of life farewell.
it feels so surreal. like i'm floating above my own body and watching this person go through the cycles of life. and i realise that the person i'm watching, is me.
oh well, celebrations soon :)
6th November, darlings, 6th November.
5.50pm. here my jubilant shouts :)
6th November, and i have a date with Destiny.
Grace ♥ 9:55 p.d.