it's amazing how the life of one person i barely knew, can affect me so much.

it seems like the only time i am happy is at school or at work. which is really beyond me, i don't understand.

everything is so morbid, it's just not apt for me to portray joy in front of the church friends. to think about going out with them or what we're gonna do during the week. it doesn't make sense to think about services when a life is hanging on a thread. it doesn't seem fair for me to think about the future, when someone else may never have a tomorrow again.



Dear Yuan Xiang,

i do not know you well at all, but it scares me that someone i came into contact with is in a state as you are now.. all i can do is pray and have faith that you will be healed. your life affects so many around you, so please pull through this. perhaps i can get to know you better if you get better! i'd probably not go down to visit you, because it would seem so hypocritical, and i wouldn't know what to say. i'd probably not hold your hand and stay by your bedside the whole time, but i think you should know, that i, a relative stranger, cares. we prayed for you today, my family. the whole time my parents were probably thinking, "thank God it wasn't Grace". but sometimes, i wish it were me instead. i think about you all the time, pretty stranger, and i pray that you'll be alright, oh please be alright.

sometimes, i think about the woman who ran you down too. i wonder if she's guilt-stricken, like i am so many times. i wonder if her body will send negative hormones into her baby, causing the unborn child to be different than he would have been. i think about how this could affect her, her baby, her family. i wonder if she'll go to bed and see your face, and be unable to fall asleep. for her sake as well, please get well, Yuan Xiang, then you can tell her you forgive her, you can tell her Jesus loves her. you can tell her it's okay, because you made it through.

or maybe i don't visit you, because i am afraid of what i'll see. i'm too chicken to face up to reality, and i don't want to have this serene picture of you in my mind, shattered by what is the truth. all i see now, is you, with your eyes closed, lying on the hospital bed, your head denting the pillow. your hair is held in a miniature crown on the top of your head, and the rest of your long tresses are gathered to the right, and your hair rests gently over your shoulder, like a flowing waterfall. your hands are clasped over your abdomen, and you are simply resting, only tired and taking a break. your face glows as you rest, and you are happy.

bizarre, eh? but that's how i remember you, that's how i still see you. and i don't want this to be taken away, this thought, this perfection. please be okay, please be okay. a million hearts break for you, so please be okay.

so, Yuan Xiang, i'll be praying for you, we all will. i may not see you anytime soon, but i do think about you, all the time.

love, Grace


so anyway, i miss my BFF.
ALOT.

i ran into a million people in school today :) many screams and hugs and running into open arms. kinda like the prodigal son when he headed home to his father. oh and anyway, luan is friggin' gorgeous now!

i feel guilty that i had a good day.
does it even make sense, i wonder?

i had a fantabulous time with the classmates :)
but now if anyone asked me who they were, i'd say they were my friends
like, "oh he's a friend"..........."i met him in school, same class la"

i had a happy bus ride to piano with Josh :)
you are super sweet love, you praise me too much
i love you alot, you made my day a million times over
and you, you, my friend, are one of a kind
i'd never find someone like you, and i'm glad i've got you
and i'm glad you care about me too
and i'm glad we're platonic as hell and i'm glad you've got Laura
you have an ability to make people around you feel so special
and you're always super happy, even when you're sick
and you'd go out of your way for me, for your friends
and you're not ashamed to show your love
you rock jocks, seriously
love you joshiewoshie!!

omg. so sweet grace! HAHHAHA
i didn't forget you, Aroo, i love you too.

my friends are awesome.

zam, erny, sam, josh and myself quickly melted into a group together, the moment winniet said we chose our own groups, it was an instant thing. haha like instant noodles. (i am officially calling haqiem, "qiem chi" noodles although he doesn't know what the hell they are)

so, i'm gonna head off to SBJJ with the friends tomorrow :) then i'll head down to 4E1's reunion chalet, if they even tell me what's happening. haha if they don't, i'll go to Sinema i guess. or stay home. or go out with school friends. or rent DVDs and stay home. dunno la. too lazy to think, too painful to think. or i may just stay at SBJJ or head out with qiem?

i didn't see my eye candy today :((( which is the least of the world's worries, really. but haha it's a moot point, but i wanna mention it. so there.

okay, kim's about to say i'm lengthy, so i'm just gonna quit jabbering here.

i need to buy 5 files for the various subjects, and a notebook specifically to take down assignments or whatever.

i have to do research for the GDF assignment, which is a logo for the Lion's befrienders dunno what. and i have to do my first entry for the reflective journal thing for CMM. i figure that if i do one a week, by every wednesday, i'll make good time for RJ1. sounds like fun. HAH. kinda. in a self-inflicted pain, sadistic, psychopathic way.

okay bye.

my parents are leaving in....... 8 hours. YESSAH!

Grace ♥ 11:08 m.d.

i am jealous of Josh and his girlfriend. HAHAH okay ya whatever grace.

I HATE THE PERIOD :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

makes me fat as a walrus and equally ugly, and it makes me giddy giddy i don't like.

school was okay today.. haha i sat with Josh and Erny and we were talking the whole time and we ate and we, okay, I, played crazy taxi in class. Shah (EYE CANDY EYE CANDY!!!) and two other guys were sitting behind us and we had a whole lot of fun :) haha stupidity, really.

there was this question, "does a fish know its wet?"
well, technically, you wouldn't know unless you asked the fish, would you?

i'm not really in a bloggerishy mood now actually. i'm feeling highly fat and unintellectual and, as Alex would put it, discombobulated.

my family confuses me
people confuse me
being a leader confuses me

i can't wait for school on monday
i can't wait for work tomorrow
i can't wait to see Muddy and QiQiem tomorrow
i can't wait to graduate
i can't wait to write my own book
i can't wait to be skinny
i can't wait to get attached again for good
i can't wait to get married
i can't wait to drive
i can't wait to ride a vespa
i can't wait to have six million dollars
i can't wait to be pregnant
i can't wait to have kids
i can't wait to be your wife
i can't wait to be their mother
i can't wait, but i have to. and so, i will.


my phone has given up on me. kerplunk and its dead, just like that.

i'm going to make a list of things i wanna accomplish by 19, 25, or in my life time. so then i'll know what i'm living for, what i'm working for.





i think i'm stupid and self contradictory.

i am people orientated; i hate crowds.
i love bubble wrap; i hate holes.
i love freedom; i want a family.
i've got tonnes of friends; i shop alone.
i love doing nothing; i'm a workaholic.
i wanna be married; i love being single.
i want an SUV; i want an Audi 24 convertible.
i am messy; i'm a perfectionist.
i hate waiting; i'm patient.
i am relatively smart; i'm a bimbo.
i have an (occasional) accent; i am Chinese.


see? contradicting HOR?


okay, dah. goodnight. not in good mood today.. well, not entirely.

Grace ♥ 12:35 p.d.

i proudly declare... I FREAKING LOVE SCHOOL!!!! :D

kickass subjects (except cmm, boring shitake mushrooms)
kickass friends (one's mormon but totally amazing)
kickass classmates (whoooo yeah 1C02!)
AND my matric card doesn't look as bad as it potentially could.

SO. life is good :)

i'm playing this sunday for service which is freaking me out big time! hahah but i guess, from glory to glory huh? :) not that playing for sunday is a -big- thing, i totally understand that we still service the same God.. but you know, different crowds call for different standards of excellence... PLUS, i haven't played with the YA band before.. at least its a mix la, or sort of.

people have been nagging me about how work is taking me away from church.. i mean, it's only for two weeks, and i still for an average of two services a week, and i still go for CE lessons, even though it means i have to go to church just for an hour. doesn't that show that i actually WANT to be at church? doesn't that show that i actually care about this God we love? i know this sampling thing i taking up time, but it's a one-off thing, and the friends i make are irreplaceable.. i know what i'm doing, and i know where i stand. so really, i'd appreciate it if you stopped hankering on at this. move on already, alright?

anyway, school has been awesome, work has been awesome, family has been awesome, sampling has been awesome, awesome awesome awesome life. God, thank You.

i love it that people at school find me seriously funny
i love it that people at work think i'm useful
i love it that people at sampling love me
i love it that people i serve smile when i do
i love it that people appreciate me

i love it that someone thinks i'm beautiful

sometimes, the simple things in life get over looked.


today was a great great day! :) i didn't feel fat, i looked okay, my pants were comfy as hell and only cost me $16 and were bought on impulse. my hair wasn't that terrible. i had everything i needed for school, and i was only 6 minutes late for class, AND Josh saved a seat for me :) which made me feel like i meant the world to him. Josh, I LUURBBEX EEUUX!!!! :)

so GDF went super mariolly good! :D pictorially described myself, noted designs in the school compound (spent 45minutes eating with the class instead. hahah omg i love the class!!) then we headed down to Cathay for coffee and a movie! :D

coffee at Starbucks, DUH.

MATREP WORKED THERE!!! :DDDDDDD muddy it was so good to see you ok?!?!?! :D i ran into the shop screaming his name and he turned to me and told me to shut up then he gave me a hug and a grande, two pump hazelnut, caramel frappucino blended coffee on the house :D i love muddy. he actually put my name on the receipt :) cute shitake mushroom, he.

then we (josh, erny, sam, justin, michelle, me) grabbed some cakes and sat there laughing and stuff and Josh started mocking me big time cos he thinks i have directional dyslexia (which many would agree). i love my friends!!! :D even if they think i'm stupid.

Josh left to meet his girlfriend, and then the rest of us watched The Other Boelyn Girl, which is a DAMN GOOD SHOW. loved it!! popcorn sucked, but that's ok cos Sam the popcorn queen gobbled it all up although it seriously tasted like cardboard. after the movie we waltzed around cathay then we dispersed, i ended up in church with the slacking people, but i spent my time colouring for GDF. hahahahaha

i met Alvin at the interchange.. :) I LOVE YOU QINGKY QONG! :D i enjoyed the bus ride, thanks, and thanks for offering me your youghurt, although i don't eat youghurt. hahahah :D

i think sea cucumbers look like wrinkled male genetalia. don't you think? gross crap. which explains why i don't eat it.

i don't eat anything cute
and
i don't eat anything gross.
and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
namely,
me.

okay here's a brief overview of my classmates.

**1. Josh- retarded, crazy, loves me, insane, i love him, super mariolly close
**2. Erny- bimbo, crazy, macbeth/shakespeare fan!, only wears black, ex partner as SBJJ, i super love this girl
**3. Samantha- sam, mormon, insane, animated, love love love, she's damn funny, opinionated, friendly
*4. Zameer- gay? diva. funny as hell
*5. Kimberly- dynamite, bimbo, IJ girl, damn funny, threw a B.F. at joel today
6. Joel- class joker, moron, damn funny
7. Eugene- CUTE AS HELL DIMPLES, funny too, x-factorish
8. Zhihao- lit class, chinese class, classmate for 4 (coming 5) years, lost alot of weight, joker
9. Dana- primary school bestie, prim, petite, gorgeous
10. Farhanah- pretty, mixed, uh, yeah
11. Helena- boobs boobs boobs, pretty, funny, frank, feminine, totally totally female, oh and did i mention? boobs
12-18. Michelle, Justin, Pearlene, Noraini, Afrika, Jacklyn, Jasmine- quiet but nice people who hang out with us sometimes
19. Crystal- bling bling eyelashes, but nice, a little lian??, i don't know her. our only conversation consisted of me asking her if she can actually see her eyelashes, which she humored me by trying to look at them before she said, uh.. no.
*20. Alethea- good friend, artsy, pretty, KC girl, grown.
(4 more but i can't remember who!!! i am seriously goldfish.)

okay, phew that's quite a handful.. the **/* people are really close to me, but the whole class is generally close like hell. haha love it!! :D

school tomorrow! can't wait! okay okay goodnight!!

Grace ♥ 12:51 p.d.

josh: Hey you tard. Aroo's watching you! And no, you didn't miss anything today, it was boring and humid. And Btw, we have a class outing on monday, will let you know. Night! scringies*

me: hello tarded! i kinda figured out i didn't miss out on much. haha.. class outing would be fun i hope :) kill Aroo for me please, it's simple, just soap and water would do.. Tell Aroo its all done in the name of euthanasia and that we love him tremendously. then i'm sure he wouldn't mind. see you monday!

josh: But that would be lying grace! I can't possibly lie to Aroo! He's been my friend for like, 8 hours so far. And i don't believe in mercy killing. You'll have to do the honours. =) k see you on monday. Be there or be square!

Legend:

Aroo--smiley potato face with three strands of hair which i scribbled on Josh's knee. he then added a wig of curls on Aroo and a mustache. and we named him Aroo. from Josh "GRACE! Aroo's staring at you!" *waves knee in my direction*

Tard/Tarded-- i called Josh retarded, so he said he was re-retarded which meant that he was not retarded. then i pointed out if that being re-retarded means you're retarded twice over. so then he said he was retarded divided by re, so the re would cancel out the re in retarded, and all we'd have left would be tarded.

Scringies--when you scrunch up your nose in disgust. for some reason, we do that to each other quite alot.

i can't wait for school to begin:)

here's my schedule. it's DAMN SLACK! :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) this means i can work!!!!

monday:
9-10am Essential Graphics L
10-11am Graphic Design Fundamentals L

tuesday:
10-1pm Essential Graphics T
3-5pm Communications Marketing T

wednesday:
9-11am Journalism 1 News L
11-1pm Communications Marketing L
2-4pm Media Society T

thursday:
9-1pm Graphic Design Fundamentals T

friday:
9-10am APEL1 T
10-12pm Journalism 1 News T
2-4pm Media Society L

TADAH!!!! :D

which means i can work! and i am happy! happy as a chinese penguin!!! :)))

i thank God for awesome classmates and a great timetable. (i might be speaking too soon, but hey! optimism eh?)

today went great! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIKALOOLOO!!! :D
i sincerely hope you had fun and enjoyed yourself, and i just want you to know that you really mean alot to me and i really love you to bits and pieces! i will cry when you cry and laugh when you laugh and my heart would break when yours does. I LOVE YOU!!!!


okay ya i'm off to sleep. i have to wake up at 5am :(

eh. i am damn fat now. no joke. not funny.
SHIT. and shitake mushrooms.
dear Lord, please make me skinny again, Amen.

Grace ♥ 12:31 p.d.

i've been reading Jodi Picoult (duh, who else?) and there's this really interesting bit in Nineteen Minutes.

there's this man whose job is to literally put a price tag on happiness. you know how we always say what's the value of your happiness, what makes you happy? yadah yadah... but this man had a mathematical equation to it.




i think this is so powerful because then E would have to be a real number, or else H is non-existent. however, if E=O, does it mean that H=infinity or does that make H simply unattainable? and if E is a real number, that means we actually have to have expectations in life! but then if we don't have expectations, would it mean that our happiness is infinite our would it mean we would never be happy?

and then he had another equation.




this means that in order to be optimistic, you have to have a great expectation, so much so that even when E is divided by R (and reality usually hurts which is why we all try to run away, one way or another) the resultant would still be a positive integer. for example, if our expectation of life (on a scale of 1 to 10) is 8, and the reality of life is 4, then the amount of hope is 2. which means, the greater the expectation, the greater the amount of hope.

but then again, if E was say, 8 again, but R was -4, then your hope would be a -2. which goes to show that i still don't know if expecting too much is the right thing, cos then you'd be left with a negative amount of hope (which is like, um dejection.)

having a negative amount of hope is hypothetically worse than having zero hope. because when it is negative, you are not just left empty-handed, but worse still, things are being taken away from you, as if being left empty is not enough, they have to dig into you take parts of you away.

and you know the thing about hope is, sometimes in our childish naivety, we think we can squeeze our eyes shut for five minutes, then open them and have everything the way it was supposed to be--perfect. but when we open our eyes and see that instead of everything being better, everything has gotten worse, everything is now blurry because we have closed our eyes too hard for too long.

i think that's the way i am sometimes. when i go to sleep i hope that when i wake up the world will be a better place. after all, everyone hopes for a better tomorrow. nobody ever shuts their eyes and wish that the next day, everything will be in utter chaos and manic terrorists will be bombing us to smithereens. you know, even a murderer hopes for a better day. maybe, just maybe, he/she kills, hoping that with the lack of existence of that certain person, their lives will be better. even if they do it the wrong way, they still hope for a better future, don't they?

anyway, work has been great, especially with Aizat around :) he's been so precious! my funny man who's utterly moronic and great fun to work with. and he's safe since he's been dating my manager (fanah) for two years so we're super platonic and super retarded. gosh, the last person i've met like him was...... jarrold? (i miss you fatmart.) oh and by the way, happy birthday, you cacat cicat you! :)

okay ya, i'm off to sleep now! ORIENTATION'S TOMORROW!!! O.o suddenly, my life flashes before my eyes as i realize that........ school's starting. oh gosh. it's gonna get REAL busy, and i'm fully aware of that (thank you to everyone who's been trying to tell me, i do get the message and i love you all too) and as much as i think i'm prepared, i'm afraid i may not actually understand how busy and tired i might actually get.

AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! :( just when i was settling down to my way of life. but ah well, change is the only constant, i fear i have to say.

goodnight my loves.. pray for me! that i don't get bitchy classmates.


i've got more to say about the two happiness/hope equations, like different scenarios, but i think you'd all be bored out of your wits, so i won't say anymore. HAHAHA but i think it's so interesting. and so though-provoking. AND i freaking miss math.

Grace ♥ 1:08 p.d.

so well, it's been awhile... (okay, not really. just three days. but considering that i used to blog everyday. HAHAHAH)

okay, here's my updates schedule. (this is more for me than anyone else. my brains don't function unless i see it in print.)

thursday:
8am orientation

friday:
8am orientation
7pm music meeting

saturday:
7-11am starbucks
12-1pm sampling (SBCH)
3-4pm sampling (SBPS)
5pm service(s)

sunday:
9-10am CE
10-11am service
12-1pm sampling (SBPS)
3-4pm sampling (SBCH)
6.30-closing starbucks

monday-friday:
TP *shudders*

saturday:
12-1pm sampling (SBBL)
3-4pm sampling (SBBL)
5pm service(s)

sunday:
9-10am CE
10-11.30am service
12-1pm sampling (SBBL)
3-4pm sampling (SBBL)



even i have to admit, the sampling thing is too much. but aiya, i've said yes to sally so i can't stop now. WAHPIANG EH.

it would actually help if...... never mind.


urm, i wanted to post a whole lot of rubbish but i lost my inspiration. haha. okay bye.

Grace ♥ 2:06 m.d.

we've all come so far in life. so much has changed, yet it seems like nothing has. and it seems like i spend so much time trying to be perfect, and whenever i do anything, i'm watching out, anticipating the next time i screw up. after all, they have said that when something's too good to be true, it usually is.

is there actually such a thing as "too good"?

anyways, i've been really tired lately :(
i don't like being tired cos when i'm tired, all i wanna do is curl up and sleep.
which is not healthy. and being tired means i'm quieter. which people mistake for me being emo. haha which i'm not. i mean, i'm about as emo as a goldfish ok. (i admit, i have blond streaks. so does gaius. and aiken. and vaness. and everyone else.)

this week seems pretty insane.

monday:
10-2pm [baking with mandy]
3-4pm [piano :( ]
4.30-6.30pm [back to baking]
7-9pm [MLM]

tuesday:
10-6.30pm [???]
7-1am [closing]

wednesday:
3-6pm [pluck brows]
7-10pm [store meeting]

thursday:
8-6pm [orientation]
7-10pm [ym meeting]

friday:
8-6pm [orientation]
7-__pm? [music meeting]
*Aikey's birthday!!

saturday:
7-2.30pm [opening]
4-4.30pm [emcee meeting with Shaun]
4.30-5pm [ym prayer]
5-7.30pm [ym service]
8-__??pm [ya service]

sunday:
9-10am [ce class]
10-1pm [service]
3-5pm [publicity meeting]
6.30-1am [closing]

i'm kinda excited for the week cos schools gonna be starting soon.
mann........ i can't wait! but i also worry. in case school sucks :(
or in case work gets too much for me. then i'd be forced to quit.
which i don't want to. cos i love work. aiiiyyyyyaaaa........................

ok ok bye!

Grace ♥ 11:14 m.d.

i have pictures from random days so i decided to just throw them up to alleviate death from my dying blog. hahah :D smart right?? i know!!

(and i couldn't sleep anyway, so meh.)


okay, finish LIAO. i go sleep now :) hopefully. IKEA LATER! i am excited like a butterfly because there will be friends! and for one day, i don't have to bother about coffee or whether we have enough steamed milk to 160 degrees Fahrenheit. i shall see you again, dear Starbucks, on friday :)

oh! did you know where Starbucks got it's name from? it's from the coffee-lovin' captain from Charles Dickens' Moby Dick. the captain excelled in everything and loved coffee and his name was captain Starbuck. and so the three founders decided, "let's name us Starbucks after the noble captain in Moby Dick!"
and TADAH!
Starbucks.
cool shittake mushrooms or WHAT?! :)

Grace ♥ 2:22 p.d.

hah WAH i never blog for 5 days sehhhhh.....

okay, dah annoying.

these few days have been good :) i've found time for myself and for people who matter to me :)

have you ever wondered that perhaps the spot of land you're standing on has been stepped on by a hundred other people? and that the very tree that you are marvelling at has been marvelled at by three thousand others before? and that at the very same time that you are bathing, there just might be fifty other people bathing at the same time as well? well yeah, i have.

anyway, i'm meeting up with mandy leung ker bong on monday :D FINALLYYYY.....

so this week i've been working mornings and all :) and i feel like an expert now! haha there's a definite sense of superiority. i mean, when your boss thinks it's okay to leave the ENTIRE store to you to handle ALONE, it must mean something right? and i haven't even worked for 2 months yet! so yeah i solo bar-ed for pretty long cos we ran out of milk and fanah ran to the bank and rach went to get milk. fanah and i were super close to murdering rach cos she was lambat like mad.

yep :) i'm feeling good.. school's starting soon and it kinda scares me, but hey! new start, new phase of life eh? :) and i'm pretttttyyy proud to say i'm still gonna work at starbucks :)

i've been thinking about life and i've realized that almost every step of my life has been taken towards mass comm. (except for bowling. that cca had nothing to do with mass comm. hahahahaha) from being the head of all the brownies in primary school, all the high scores in english, the trophies for story telling, being the chief editor of media and promotion, all the english and literature awards... it's amazing how God works in all these ways. and now i wonder how starbucks fit into all of this..

i could potentially be a PR manager for starbucks, or a manager or whatever you know?

i've lived the past 5 years of my life stepping bit by bit towards mass comm, dreaming about it, praying for it, shitting in my pants for fear that i won't make it in, and finally, finally, finally i've made it. got it. finally. but... now what? after a diploma in cmm in tp, then a degree in mass comm in ntu.. then?

dunno la, i shall just live the next 6 years of my life, then worry about my career later.. i'm sure something will pop up along the way..

ok i wanna go shit. hahah ikea tomorrow! then meeting with the publicity team for ym camp. WORK ON FRIDAY!!! :D then shakers.. so..life's cool:)

i got my first paycheck, didn't feel as proud as i thought i would. ah well... but for once, i can say it's MY money.

i bought three books, a hoodie for $5 haha and then i bought this book by bob sorge. exciting reads!!! :) tata!

Grace ♥ 10:22 m.d.

My apologies for the lack of proper and coherent and meaningful updates lately.. i've been thinking so much, i haven't been thinking at all. almost 17, still don't quite know what i want. even worse, don't know what God wants for me. HAH. stupid, me.

i've wanted to type a million things which made sense or really spoke of what i REALLY think, but every time i start doing it, i chicken out. because it makes me think even more, makes me contemplate areas of my life i don't even want to delve into. life is too complicated. too many layers of the onion to peel, yet every layer causes tears to well up and fall over. (not that i'm crying i'm just saying it's bloody painful.)

so yeah. here goes. i'm thinking it's gonna be quite a handful.

life has too much of the "grey area" business. attaining equillibrium in this fragile seesaw of life is kinda tough. (kinda touch being a gross understatement of the tedium of life) for example, when is "too much" too much? or, when does pride turn into prudence? or, when does people's expectations of me become expectations of myself? or, do i want to be a stay home hot mama or a hot working mother? or, do i want to pursue my studies or do i work on things which are more practical and hands on? or, do i really want to marry this guy i think i wanna marry? or, is the future really what i think it is? or, am i really cut out for this life? or, what is my life anyway? or, how much am i willing to fight for what i believe in?

you know, my dream life, is when i'm married to this man who wears berms, havis and polo tees. and we live our life simple and happy. nothing complicated, perpetually laidback and enjoying life as it comes at us. and we have two wonderful children, the older being a son, and he takes excellent care of his younger sister. our kids are gorgeous, mischevious, but downright adorable, with puppy eyes that will always melt my heart and make me scoop them up in my arms and love them. and we would go on picnics, have movie marathon nights (where my husband who hates cartoons will sit through ours of cartoons just because the kids and i love them) and we'll have family trips to overseas or even to go fishing or something like that. and we'll have a 4-man tent which we will set up in the living room and pretend that we're out camping. and we'll keep our presents underneath the Christmas tree and open them together, our kids fighting to open theirs first, but our older son always letting his younger sister win. i imagine us having family-domestic day. where we cook, clean and wash together. the kids will be caked in flour and we will have a food fight. then we painstakingly clean up the kids and i leave them playing with their father while i clean up in the kitchen. i see us going for the movies as a family and our kids will be bouncy and noisy and other people will stare and shush us, but we won't care cos we're happy together. i see me writing stories for our kids, and then he will read them to sleep. i see us writing stories together, each one contributing a sentence to add to the story. the stories will be stupid and senseless, resulting in pink martians zapping the main character, turning them into mouldy marshmallows before eating them up. but the stupidity is okay, because we're happy and we're a family.

you see, my dream in life, is to be a mother, a wife, a mummy, a novelist.

well, i guess that settles everything now. so i can plan my life properly, and walk each step of the way towards that goal.

i wanna be God's wife.
i wanna be his wife.
i wanna be their mummy.
i wanna be a novelist.
i wanna be a bestfriend.

hmmm, i'll stick on to leadership, because it is too painful to walk away. and because if i walk away from my marriage to YM (which equates to God) i will have the potential tendency to walk away from my marriage with God and my marriage with him, whoever he is. i will persevere and not take the easy way out. i will bleed, i will sweat, i will cry, i will complain, but i will walk away victorious, because i don't walk alone. i walk with God on my side.

i will work on my current family, because what goes around comes around. i will make this family work so my family in the future will work out too. i will work towards being the daughter i want to have, the children i want to have. and i will NOT become like my mom, or (the current) his mom. and i will help out in the housework, because i am a housewife in training.

i will work out and diet and lose weight and tone up. only because i strive for excellence, regardless of physical or mental or spiritual. (pastor mark is right, i'm a perfectionist after all.) and also because i wanna be healthy, and i want to be able to run after my boisterous children in the future. i want to be able to play with them and not get tired, clean up after them and not complain. (and also because i wanna be a hot hot wife for my husband. he deserves the best of me!)

i will write more and read more because i will be the best damned novelist in Singapore, Asia, heck, i will even infiltrate the world. but i will not be ambiguous like Amy Tan and cause lit kids to cry. and i will write stories which will inspire and provoke thoughts, i will be Singapore's answer to Jodi Picoult, or better.

i will spend more and more time with God because He does NOT deserve this slip shot thing i'm giving Him. this thing i claim to be love is naught but a shell of denial. i will fill up that shell with genuine love and devotion because He is deserving of all of me and so much more. and because when i seek Him first, everything will fall into place, and His ways are the best for me. and because i want to please His heart.

i will be excellent in my work, no matter where i am, whether it be TP CMM or Starbucks. i will be excellent in the market place, build up a reputation for myself, and for God. i will let people know that Christians do have fun the clean way, and Christians are not hypocrites. i will let them know my God is real and good and that He is excellent. thus i am as well.

i will stick to my covenant with God (and so will you okay hahahaha) because i made a promise and i will keep it. and then and only then will mummy budge and allow this so then we'll be happy together (or else you and i are kaput with a capital K) and AH! there are a million and one reasons why i will keep this covenant, even if you're not there at the end of it. for selfish reasons, for God-reasons and for you-reasons, i WILL keep this covenant. i made it when i was 14, i'm almost 17 now.. what is another year plus more? :)

i will keep my room clean, because i have to keep a HOUSE clean in the future.

(i am so excited just thinking about this!!! wowee! 2008 suddenly seems much brighter. i'm walking on sunshine, Your sunshine!)

okay that's it for now. haha don't wanna be to ambitious.

i'm genuinely excited for this. it's like, Grace-makeover. i'm gonna stick by what i typed, and i will read this every day so i remind myself what kind of a person i am to be. in the next post, i'm gonna write out a whole story of what i dream my future life/family to be like. WAHSEH! EXCITING SHIOL!!! :D

Grace ♥ 12:09 p.d.

hello hello! i'm surviving on one hour's worth of sleep so hahah i'm going to make this quicker than quick than i'm curling into bed and sleeping for three years.

Shenna: thank you for coming by babe :) i love you to infinity and beyond and yeah, thanks for talking to me and all :) i figure i'll be ok.. things will work out:) and i DO still ______________ no matter how __________. you're invited to my wedding. heck, you'll be one of my maids of honour ok? :)

Chuan: smack your face you do that to me again. HAHAHAHAHAHAH sorry sorry but you really scared the eyelashes out of me. haha :) still do, and always will.

Vaness: i am seeing you tomorrow no matter how small your eyes get ok? :) 1+ i'll meet you and we can run away and never come back! :) I LOVE YOU BFF (and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever)



-family: doing okay, occasional wars as usual
-work: doing good, better than yesterday. haha
-friends: not good. miss you all like shitake mushroom loads
-cell: um. hah need alot of work, this.
-spiritually: i gotta go dig dig for God
-physically: need to lose weight fast or go for lipo. AND i need to go tan cos i'm seriously fair. you should see my midsection, practically white. AND my tan lines are gone. and i need to sleep more. and run more. stamina gone LIAO.
-financially: need money. hahah as always.
-mentally: i have to settle my thoughts, decide on my future, plan ahead, work a schedule. etc etc

i think everything will fall into place once i get God in the picture good and proper. i've been slacking. STUPID GIRL! ok. i'm going to go spend time with God now. like, quality time. better do now before i fall asleep.

today was work, shenna came down, we go to temasek towers to run an errand, met sean, penisular shopping centre, sean's fender, 12 string guitar man, sing a long session, church, meeting, rain, beer, cockroach, pee, bus, home.

tomorrow:
11.30>> go to school to collect O level cert
12.00>>go to church meet lydia
13.30>>meet BFF
16.00>>go to work
20.30>>end work

saturday:
10.30>>music practice
14.00>>leaders' meeting
15.00>>daybreak
16.00>>soundcheck
16.30>>prayer
17.00>>YM service
19.00>>YA service

then sunday, compulsory store meeting at 10am.

wah. my blog is mega boring. i might as well shut it down. HAHAHAHAHAH wah piang eh. 4th April already. ZOOOOMM!!!

Grace ♥ 10:01 m.d.

hello okay quick one and i'm off

i half-slept my day away. cancelled meeting with lydia, cancelled piano lesson, only went for cell.

screwed up closing last night. hanah, hayu, ping, EVERYONE not happy. my bad, sorry. this feeling sucks. cos i thought i've finally found something i could do. damn. but i mean. i'm new, rachel's RAW, and vince was doing his part elsewhere. so vince finished his, i did mine, and rachel didn't do her's much cos she doesn't know anything so it's not her fault. so vince was busy, rach doesn't know anything, so end up... it's grace's fault. because she KINDA know's everything.

thank God for shak and ping and brandy. i hope hanah isn't angry at me anymore cos i liked her alot.

:(

why must the one thing in life which i thought would go well, go wrong so fast?

tired. crazy tired. gotta wake up at 6 tmr. work starts at 8 but i think i'll go early and lend a helping hand. (to make up for screwing up.)


pfffft.

i've never been one to accept failure.
now.
what am i.
huh.
pffffft.


ok, dah. sleep now.


SCHOOL COUNTDOWN: 19DAYS.

freak.

Grace ♥ 12:54 p.d.

hello people, today was lovely :)

someone called me lovely today :) HAHAHAHAH made my day i tell you.

so. i'm fully awake but too damned lazy to type anything of coherence or relativity.

my night was awesome! :D gosh i love Starbucks. and it's not just my store!

it's april already. and it's the SECOND of april already.

the first of april was only a while ago....... ZOOM! time just goes like that. dayyymmmmnnnnn....


i made new friends today. they are nice people.

i love my manager. he's fat and metro and utterly loveable.
shak, you're my rock :D

okay yay :) i am going to bed a happy peanut today!

despite the weird morning/noon. i didn't like the earlier half of today :( all crap. ALL CRAP.

but now it's all ok :)

I WANNA DATE A MAO. MAO ZAI NA LI?!?!?!?

Grace ♥ 3:24 p.d.

the drilling going on upstairs is absolutely intolerable :( its times like this where i appreciate the sound of silence.

this week seems like its going to be a fruitful one! haha let's see

wednesday: lydia-1pm piano-5pm cell-7pm(?)
thursday: starbucks-opening ym camp meeting-7+ (free time from 3-7)
friday: starbucks-4-10.30 (free time in the morning/afternoon)
saturday: music prac, leaders, YM, YA party
sunday: store meeting-10 (the rest of the day?!?)

tonnes of free time this week! :)

i need to
*-settle cell stuff (YM)
*-meet up with BFF
*-meet up with Shenna
*-meet up with Char
-meet up with Shaun
*-meet up with ISAAC ONG TING TONG (i miss you, curly!)
*-meet up with AIKEN! (it's been too long!!!)
-meet up with Amanda
-meet up with kaikai
-meet up with juzan

the drilling is seriously giving me a headache :(

i spent my day being lonesome. hahahah went with daddy and the grandparents to a very sullen lunch. bought pastry and cakes at cedele (frankel side i think) then popped by to parkway to get stuff. and i budget shopped!! so i bought this top for $5! yay, me! and i got an organiser thing, so that my life is more.... well, organised.

i hate it when i have my period :( cos then i get grumpy and lethargic and giddy and migraines galore. plus i constantly feel fat. pffffft. plus i get cramps :( ok la, i should thank God that mine are never as bad as livia's get.

i'm feeling very incoherent.
there are a gazillion things i wanna type out, but.............................................
i either can't or won't cos i'm too lazy or the words just can't form properly.

i shall just toddle off to work now. closing today :(
i gotta be tough as nails! haha ok ok go grace, go!





BAH. sucks.

Grace ♥ 4:44 m.d.