i've been places, and i've done things. some i'm proud of, some i wish could be undone. but all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His will (Romans 8:28) and i know He's takin' me places.
dear God, please give me strength. i love You, much. teach me to love You more. cos You're deserving of way more anything than i'm giving. God, You rock! awesome in everything You do, King above all kings, Lion upon the throne. Jehovah Jireh, You're my everything. in everything i do, help me do it solely for You. to please Your heart, not break it. to seek Your face, not to lose it. to love the Giver, not just the gifts (though they're great, thanks veyrmuch for them) make me Your Queen Esther. in Jesus' name i pray, Amen.
today is such a mixed up day. but through it all, i know i love my cell. otherwise i wouldn't even be bothered. right? RIGHT!
AND so, i hope they keep me in YM, cos there's stuff to do before i leave. i'm not leaving my cell in its current state. it just ain't good enough for the God we serve. no, nope, not good enough. maybe it's me. maybe it's not.
i was kinda disappointed and all, (honestly speaking, but not to complain or to sound self-sacrificial or anything) so i talked to mummy about it. then she said these words which made me realize what a horrid daughter i am.
"you know girl, sometimes talking to you is like that too. when you give us that -bleah- face or when you tell us not to preach to you... it feels the same way too"
then i realized (finally) how much i've taken my parents for granted. how much i've broken their hearts. and there's no denying it, that i'll be leaving their "nest" soon, and yeah, i think i should make a difference in their lives and to make it a point to make this family work out before it's too late. i wouldn't want to have a relationship with my future children the way i have with my parents. it's just not good enough either.
so yes, my almost end-of-year resolution (haha, a bit late la) 1) be a good daughter [i.e. clean up my room, don't give them a reason to scold me, no black face, at least 3 famfam dinners a week, etc] 2) make an impact in my cell before i ever go anywhere else. [comm, if any of you are reading this, please keep me, at least until i am used by God to do a great work in their lives. i can't leave now. no way.] 3) invite people to the CFFF [because it's my last 14 days in BV] 4) lead a life of integrity. in ALL areas. 5) learn the art of preaching so my cell kids won't get bored 6) NINE POINTS FOR L1R4!!! with an A1 for english, no less.
well yeah, i'm gonna go off to think out my life some more. and to plan a little something to speak to my cell. they require a better speaker, and i shall be that to them. i know that a good speaker isn't the only thing that matters, but it sure would help if i spoke better eh? heh.
anyway, QUEKS I love-love-love-love-love-love YOU.
DAWN can you please finish your exams so we can get on with being bestgirlfriends already?!!? haha. miss you babe. honestly.
thank you Colin for the love and the concern and all.. (: you're my man! younger. not my type. sillier. but. still.... my man! (and you've got a hot torso. really. ask queks. we both agree that you've got a hot bod.... SIGH. why aren't you 19 you stupid boy?)
i actually have alot more things to say. but cannot LA. cannot.
i'm off to talk to God to ask Him to be my inspiration when i speak to the girls tomorrow!
to the people who mean the world to me...... I LOVE YOU ALL! after my Os, i'll have my social life back, then we can all go keesiao and have fun ok? think movies, shopping, sentosa, cookouts, poolside, jammings, work, workouts, hot bods, cash, LIBERATION!!!
51 more days to the END of torturenation. family, we gotta stick together!