JLC sucked. mega sucked. really sucked.
i saw the paper and was laughing/crying.
a bit retarded right? a room with 6 candidates and 3 teachers in friggin' annoying high heels going clickety-click, and there i am, sobbing.
goodbye A1. i missed the times when i could confidently say you're mine. it's all over between you and me now. we're through. i just wasn't good enough for you. we weren't all that compatible. true, we were happy. but maybe it was all just one-sided affection on my part. YOU CHAUVINISTIC NINCOMPOOP! YOU WERE PLAYING ME WEREN'T YOU, YOU STUPID A1?!??! i don't even know why i bothered about you for so long, worked so hard for you, cried over you, slogged over you, stayed up all night just to see you. we're through. it's not you, it's me.
okay yes. so apparently, i'm over it. life is like that. full of shit. and shit lover's like Mr. A1.. waste of my two years. that ass.
well well. i'm liberated. so to speak. the thing is.
i feel no joy in my liberation.
when i ripped up my entry proof, it was out of anger.
when i left school. i left in tears.
when i spent my last 5 minutes in the school toilet, i wasn't hollering with jubilant shouts of glee, i was trying not to puke.
Isaac, i'm sorry to say i didn't feel the joy you described.
i'm actually looking forward to school next year. just so i can prove myself that i'm better than this. that i can do better than this. i've been beating myself up for not having worked harder. i worked hard but maybe i should've worked smart. it's this weird sense of disappointment in myself. like i could've done better. should've done better. i expected straight As, didn't i? TP CMM, i will give you a perfect GPA. and i will have so many credits and whatever crap that you will be so stunned you will give me my diploma and kick my ass off to NTU to get my degree.
insane. i've lost my senses in some ulu-ated swamp and gave my heart to the swamp monster who bounced around with me and the swamp monster ate up all the fireflies. and then the noisy frogs who were boiling water took my brains and fed it to their tadpoles. and then the fog was so thick it enveloped me in its strong strong foggy arms and carried me so somehow i find myself home and distracted.
this is what the O levels does to you. it messes with your mind, flips your emotions around, drains you and takes from you, selfishly, heartlessly. at this point of time. i'm just too tired to be happy, too exhausted to be joyous, too hollow to celebrate. am i the only one who feels this way? probably.
papers like these make me feel like a complete screw up. and when i feel like i'm a complete screw up, i go to some ulu swamp and romance the swamp monster. the swamp monster treats me WAAYYYY better than stupid Mr. A1.
when the results come out, i won't cry. i've cried too much already. my tears could actually wash Lady Macbeth's hand clean. it's more than all the perfumes of Arabia.
i'm in love with the swamp monster.
anyway, swamp monster aside, i am meeting my BFF tomorrow so everything will be alright :D i bet it will. i'm sorry you have to come over, queks :( but it's a lil' risky asking them in their current state of pissed-ness. hahahahah. I LOVE YOU!!
so my life for this week:
WEDNESDAY--clean up room, Queksie&Retardation
THURSDAY--SAND TOE SAH
FRIDAY--i don't have a clue.
and i'm playing for both nights of meta camp which means i'm going for the services. i can't wait till my parents get their asses out of Singapore than i have COMPLETE freedom. temporary, but still.... better than nothing.
okay. off i go to Mexico.
where i will meet the swamp monster.
we have a midnight rendezvous.
we will eat Swedish meatballs in Mexico.
and we will laugh so hard that i'll be slim and have abs.
then the swamp monster will piggy back me.
and then i will kiss the swamp monster.
and then i will wake up and realize that it was all a dream.
and then i will smile and be happy.
cos that's what happy noodles do.
just call me Mrs. Swamp Monster.
in everything, Lord, i give You praise.
yes, even if it lef me puking in the school toilet.
i still love You. i always will.
:) El Shaddai, Name above all others!