i feel so out of place. as if everyone was in on a secret which i knew nothing about. as if there was a private joke everyone laughed at, but i just have to fake a laughter cos i don't get the joke. as if there was something on my forehead everyone else could see, but me. as if everyone turned up in white and i in black. as if......... i'm honestly retarded.

i think i think too much. but i realize, i can't stop thinking. it's one thing to control my tongue, my hands, my body, my tears. but it's a totally different matter altogether, when it comes to controlling my thoughts. i find it virtually impossible.

---yes yes, i know. all things are possible with You, my God.---

but still.



goodnight.