hello ignore the random title i'm a little bit insane.


so today was a stressful day. never in my life have i been stressed to that magnitude on a saturday before. ok, so maybe i have. but still... gah.

T blames it on lousy delegation, but he was the one who delegated after all. i can work last minute, but not LAST minute, if you know what i mean. well T, next time you wanna leave me to do something by myself, let me know beforehand. not at 10pm on a wednesday when you want it on a saturday, and when thursday i am getting my results and saturday i'm on duty. OKAYYY?!? OKAY. and no, hugs and GRACIIEEEEs will not make up for the trauma i went through today. POO. but you're forgiven cos my heart is like a marshmallow.

colin was the sweetest gingko nut today (: he bought me happy juice to make me happy, and lovie happy juiced worked (: you see la, you see. why aren't you 19?! haha... i scare myself, sometimes. ii lurrbbiieee euusshhhh

anyway, the camera has fallen asleep again. haha i'm too lazy to recharge it and take it out with me. so.. yeah no pictures for now. AIKEN MATTHEW CHIA MING WHERE IS MY THUMBDRIVE HUH?!?! (: tank yew.

so i sit here with great trepidation as i wait upon MOE to answer me, and as i ponder about the talk in a few hours. let us name the talk, The Talk.

The Talk may turn out many ways and i'm not sure what i want the outcome to be. i keep saying God's will be done, God's will be done, but ya ok i don't even know what His will is ok? ): i just pray with fear and trembling that it will turn out alright and that i won't lose anyone. sigh. my heart goes thumpitty thump at the rate of 5149810heartbeats/second. which is not possible. but never mind.

i am putting on weight. DEPRESSING I TELL YOU. where's my 45kaygee?!?! ): i'm 51 now LEH. i put on 4kaygees since um, december 2007. DUMB IT! lose weight gracie lose weight. my skinnies are getting tighter by the second. disgusting, i say, disgusting.

honestly speaking, i've drifted far far away from God in the past few months ): i could blame it on the events but i do know that it's just me. now that life has mellowed down substantially, i look back and wonder where God was in the whole equation. in everything i did, signed, said, felt.. was God in it? perhaps to a certain extent, but not entirely so.

i miss God, you know? ): and its so so tough to get back on track after plateauing for so long. and to make matters worse, i know so much, yet it feels like i know nothing at all. and every time i talk to my cell girls, i hear the echoes bouncing off them and i find my words resounding in my ears. as much as i tell them stuff, i need to start doing it myself as well.

the hustle and bustle of life has seriously derailed me. i should've known better, i'm not one to multi-task. and see here's the thing. i do want to just sit back and get right with God, to be quiet and bask in His presence. but i can't say no to projects and things, cos i'm a leader and it's expected of me to take up the duties. i have suicidal cell girls, cell tension, cell disunity, cell cavities etc etc things to do, people to call, stuff to write. and yet i find myself doing all these meaninglessly. which makes God very sad, i should think.

i really need to shut off from people for a few days and just go into God's presence and not be bothered by the things of the world, but just to meditate upon His word and to just sit in His lap and enjoy His embrace. sounds good? i thought so too. i shall do that.

so anyway, moving away from my spiritual rift, here's my life for the next few days..
sunday-The Talk, service, lunch with Z(?), funkamania(?)
monday-Amanda, Leung, and Wen Yin (:
tuesday-Daddy's Day (both Daddy and daddy)
wednesday-Daddy's Day, piano, cell
thursday-QQQUUUEEEKKKSSS (?)
friday-Daddy's Day, Pentacost
saturday-music prac, leaders(?), prayer, YM, YA
and then it's sunday again.

life seems.. never ending.

okay now i'm off to go talk to God cos i miss Him alot alot.

Grace ♥ 1:34 p.d.