"I WANT TO MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD HAPPY. I REALLY DO."
one thing to describe today is:
:)
finally, all the bull shit is OVER! not like everything is back to the way it was, but at least now i don't have to avoid him like a fever. so yes, in conclusion, The Talk, went good! *phew*
left me really tired though, that talk. and for no reason, since she was the one talking and all i felt was great relief and joy. hahaha.... the two of us ended up laughing like crazy, the whole thing seems pretty silly, now that it's over. but i will NEVER, never forget the whole ordeal, and it has made me value everything even more. so now there's a greater price tag on this, and alot of things are clearer. and i am happy now :) well, quite.
i met up with Ze today.. that silly boy canceled his shift so that we could hang out longer. so yeah we ate at subway where he was mega unglam, haha, then we went to that garden thing on top of the esplanade, then watched The Mist, then sat outside esplanade to listen to good music, then hid under the bridge at the Singapore river to escape the rain, and then home it was.
it was a great "date" despite me feeling fat and ugly and slightly bewildered. and not to mention, anxious.
but yeah... as much as Ze was fun and although conversation flowed like the free flow drinks at Carl's Jr. , i realized that i'd rather do all these with
someone else. and yeah okay, i'm blogging this so i can be accountable to all of you, that it's not a date but an outing. i don't feel in the least bit guilty cos i know full well where my heart lies, and full well where i stand. and i made it clear to Ze anyways, so it was the funnest platonic outing i've had in ages.
Ze, you're really super ultra mega sweet and if it weren't for Mr. X, i'd have fallen flat on my face for you, rolling head over heels over head over heels. i'm so sorry, but thank you for understanding, that as special as you are, there's someone special-er who's waiting and we've gone through hell already. so there's no way i'd ditch him for anyone at any point of time unless God tells me to. but either ways, thank you for today, and thank you for being such a great friend, thank you for being such a sweetie and for being taller but stupider than me :) hugs and a gazillion thanks! i'll call if i have nightmares :) and and, we'll hang out again some time soon, i promise! and my word's as good as yours :)
family supper was as it always is. silent. i wonder why i bother, sometimes.
so.. haha yeah. that's done too. so now, it's time for me to sleep cos i'm really tired. exhausted, if you may.
i'm meeting mandy for a swim tomorrow morn. but that's if i don't get my period, and if i wake up in time.
oh and vaness quek, please decide if you want to meet up with me tomorrow? cos tuesday, i won't be free and yeah i have to start putting aside time for me to go on dates with God so i can fall in love with Him again. hee love you babesy!