"GOING TO GENTING"
okay yay so i leave for Genting in about, 6 hours or so. once again, my bags are unpacked and i am in a state of unrest. i am immensely tired, but i am determined to pack my stuff (though its just two days) before the morning comes. and i have all these bleeding cameras to charge. ANIMAL.
i am not exactly excited or anything. although i should be, since i'm going out of singapore for a teeny tiny break. but this feels like...... i dunno. i feel indifferent. indifference is actually not too bad a feeling after all.
its a short day plus trip, but i'm going to fully utilize it to go be a cave-girl and just spend solid time with God and to clear my head. it is currently in a huge cloud of disarray. heavy with rainfall but not quite about to let go and pour out. and so, i need to clear the clouds before anything horrid happens, or something.
c'mon soldier, suck it up! stomach in! chest out! MARCH! and carry your own field pack! alright, that's the way to go Gracie. march like you mean it, march like you're a man. march cos you're strong and you can do this and anyway, you are not as alone as you think.
three months.
hah. well, at least, AT LEAST i can take the time to concentrate on multiplying my cell by 400% to hit our 30 people target by the end of 2008. which comes in three months, by the way. so yes. three months devoted to ministry, school and work and of course my family. i fear i might go on auto-pilot again, but i will have God as my guide, so i am not too far gone.
i will have a mind of steel.
i will be determined.
i am not alone.
i will not cry.
i will not feel lonely.
loneliness is for losers and is not of God.
*sucks in breath. HARD.*
okay, okay.
okay.
i can do this.
grace is a strong girl.
she can carry the aux herself.
not montarbo hor. AUXILIARY.
strong right!
worse come to worst, i can immerse myself head first in school work church work starbucks work. all in all, camp is going to consume whatever free time i have anyways, and i can always spend the time to plan for tuition, right? right. oh i know! i can devote my time to running and losing weight and becoming skinny as hell. or maybe just slimmer. (i have this bet with eugene, that i will be skinny as he when school starts. i think i lose liao.)
okay 2am liao. better go! 7.45am must meet the rest.
wah kns. haven't packed a single thing.
and Felicia (psp. 'felicia blue', duh.) has no battery.
kns.
eh. i want to go shopping.
friday will see me at sentosa, and then i will go around vivo to make a shopping list for a budget of, say, $400. and i will shop like a mad cow. yes. i will.
and we'll linger on
time can't erase a feeling so strong