"2009 LIAO."
quickly, quickly, oh ever so quickly, 2008 has come and gone. 2009 barges right into life and makes its presence known in a highly unmistakable way. resolutions are being made, plans and dreams and visions and shivers of excitement at the new year.
once again, no hubbub, no fuss, no new year fuzzies. but this year, i know its a truly God-planned year. i spent the night before crying because i felt so tired that i have to go through YET another new year, YET another 365 days of trying and trying. and sometimes trying seems so pointless and perpetual. its like this bowl of never ending ice cream. its yummy, cooling, fattening, and eat as you might, the bowl never seems to get any emptier, the ice cream mound never seems to dissipate. and after awhile, you just feel so gelat and tired of eating it. even if it was chunky monkey.
and so there i was, sobbing away on my bedroom floor, partially wondering if my tears could actually warp the parquet. but i guess i didn't have that powerful a water system. haha turning to God, as always, i wrote Him a letter, telling of how i TRULY felt, not what i was expected to feel. i told Him about how much i wanted His tangible, physical embrace, how i wanted to just run home to Him, in the silence, in the tranquility. and then for some God-reason, i flipped to Psalm 34 where every single verse reverberated in my head after reading it, because each verse struck home and spoke to each circumstance or emotion i was going through.
with a year end like that, the year start is gonna be awesome (: He really does speak in His ways, really does love us, you know. There is such profound hope in God, that i sometimes forget, but He never fails to remind me.
this year's watchnight was phenomenal. absolutely phenomenal. different from any other, yet exactly the same as every year. ordinary, but not so ordinary. God, was the difference. Joy, was the difference. Hope, was the difference.
somehow, 2009 is suddenly more appealing than just another new year. it is even more appealing than being my 18th year of existence. 2009 suddenly holds such great promise, such humongous potential. its a little heavy because of its importance, maybe that's why this year is so much less festive. the nature of this year requires silent reverence. which is why i am thankful that this year i chose to stay home instead. the silence, the beauty of it all, render me, well, speechless, in a way. because it feels like if i speak something now, it would break the whole atmosphere. so i stay silent, verbally, only typing before i forget how awesome God is.
the truth of the matter is, titles and positions aside, we really are all pretty much the same. we go through the same disappointments, failures, sadness, rejection. we enjoy the same pleasures, joys, laughter, stupidity. and we all serve the same God. the only difference is how long we take to react "correctly" to our circumstance or emotion.
to my dear cell girls: i am not perfect, i am not all great and mighty holy holy woman. we still feel the same way, and i go through the same things that you go through. please don't ever feel like what i do is too much for you to achieve. you will do more than double of what i am doing, and you will do it with even more vigor, passion and accuracy than i do. you will far surpass the doings of this generation of leadership and you will continue our legacy and bring it many volumes ahead. you will leave behind DNA and cultures that the future generations will adopt and excel greater in. you will do great things, huge things, inconceivable things, unprecedented things. i am here for you, any time, any time at all. we are not too far from each other, there is no generational gap or chasm. please please don't feel afraid or ashamed to speak to me about anything at all... and for 2009, we're looking towards cell multiplication, but don't let that scare you (: basically, greater things are on its way, i can already see their shadows. you girls + 2 boys are amazing.. cheers, to an even more fantastic year ahead (:
2009, 2009... after all this while, here you are. welcome (:
oh
and, stupid NS.